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Expecting 1st time single dad

Discussion forum for parents in Australia


Expecting 1st time single dad

My ex partner left me when she was 8wks pregnant with our 1st child, told me it was due to her mental health & needed to be alone. She is now 14wks pregnant & she already has a new partner. She has told me I'm not allowed at any scans or even the birth & she blocked me on all methods of contact & told me I can be part of our child's life & she will contact me to talk about that when she is ready. Wondering what parental rights I have when baby is born as I'm pretty sure 50/50 custody of a newborn is out of the question. Can I apply to see my baby atleast a few days a week for a few hours at a time so we can bond & begin our journey? Also do i have rights to make sure bub gets my last name on birth Certificate? At what age is it recommended that I apply for overnight stays with me & eventually apply for 50/50 custody?
Being a 1st time dad I feel like I'm already missing out on so much at scans & not being allowed at the birth of my 1st child, it shatters me thinking what my ex is guna throw at me next so I'm trying to get as much info as possible together so I can hopefully organize a Mediator to write up a parenting agreement before she gives birth.
Cheers in advance for any advice given,
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Re: Expecting 1st time single dad

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Hi there @lostB ,


Thank you for posting and sharing what's been happening for you in the past few weeks. It sounds like it is a difficult time for you as you make preparations around your first child. We are sorry things are so tough right now and that your ex-partner does not want you at any of the scans or be at the birth. It is understandable that you feel you are missing out on a lot. 


You have raised some very valid questions in your post about having your last name on the birth certificate, applying for custody, etc. However, unfortunately, the ReachOut forums are aimed towards parents and carers of teens so we cannot give you advice on this. However, I wanted to refer you to Family Relationships Online which may answer some of these questions you have. They may be able to direct you to legal services so that you have agreements in place before the birth.


At the same time, we want to remind you to take care of yourself and your own mental health. SANE is a mental health service for adults which you may want to access for your own support at this time.


Please take care. We wish you all the best.


Re: Expecting 1st time single dad

Hi @lostB 

I can see that you are going through an incredibly challenging time with what has happened between you and your ex. It's clear that you want to be there for your child and be part of the process and that you are struggling with feeling like this won't happen. You mentioned that there are a lot of concerns that you have for how you can see your new baby, how to manage custody and their birth certificate. These are understandable things to worry about as you prepare to begin your journey together, and I was wondering what you have been doing to manage your feelings and wellbeing in this difficult time? Do you have any support networks to lean on as you navigate these challenges?

You said that you were worried your ex would throw something at you next and that it shatters you to think about. It's good to hear that you are getting as much information as you can so that you can manage whatever happens next and are considering a mediator so that you can organise a parenting agreement. Do you have any other sources of legal or social support between yourself and your ex? It helps to know that you don't need to go through this experience alone.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.