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Teenage daughter with BPD

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sunmoonstars

Teenage daughter with BPD

Hi everyone, just found this resource, I'm a single mum struggling with a teenage daughter with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Wondering if anyone is experiencing the same. I might just need to get on here and vent sometimes Smiley Wink

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Marimo-RO

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

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Hi @sunmoonstars!

Welcome to the ReachOut Parent forums!

Thank you for sharing your experiences as a single mum. I understand that single parenting can be quite challenging and it can be even more so trying to maintain a strong and healthy relationship with a teenage daughter who is going through a mental health journey.

I see that you are hoping to connect with other parents who are going through a similar situation and just thought this might be a helpful article. Parentline is also a great service that can provide free counselling over the phone for parents. ReachOut also provides a free parent coaching service that can provide you with advice on supporting your teenager.

You're also always welcome here on the forums!

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sunmoonstars

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

Thank you so much!

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Bailey_RO

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

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Hey @sunmoonstars ,

I just had a read of your post and wanted to also jump on to welcome you to the online community! Thank you for sharing this with us. 

I noticed that you mentioned that you have been struggling with your teenage daughter and was wondering if you felt comfortable sharing more about this with us?

I was also curious about what supports your daughter has and if she is receiving any professional support with her BPD diagnosis?

I wanted to share some more resources with you around Borderline Personality Disorder with you which I thought you might find helpful to have a look through. It is through Project Air and it includes multiple fact sheets around BPD and personality disorders. There is also a page on the website titled ‘Families, partners and Carers’ which provides some resources focused on providing support for BPD which you may find helpful to have a look through for yourself.

I know you were also looking for other parents who may be experiencing the same and thought you might be interested in reading about some of our other community members experiences and maybe engage with some other parents and carers that might be going through something similar to you. If so, we have a forum thread here which might interest you.

I also wanted to check in to see how you are going and whether you have any supports for yourself? Whether it be a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional.

We hope you know that the Online Community are always here to listen and support you as much as we can.

Take care and we look forward to hearing back from you.

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Garnet

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

Hi, (this is my first message on here so hopefully this is how this works..)
I'm also a parent and on my journey to becoming a single one >.<!! My child is only in primary school, however I clicked because of the BPD in Ur subject.
I was doing an outpatient program called DBT which teaches skills on how to live with DBT and yet still cope with what the world throws at you.
If U want to vent, this seems like a great place just I'm not sure how frequently people log in.
Hopefully there are enough people logging in to make this a great support place.
Take care ☺️
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Astra-RO

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

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Hey @Garnet welcome to the parents and carers community! Thanks for posting on this thread to share your experience of DBT and to support sunmoonstarts Smiley Happy It's lovely to see community members supporting each other. I can also see you are becoming a single parent. This must have been a challenging transition at times for you and your child. How are you and your child navigating this transition?

Currently, our community is best set up for connecting and supporting parents and carers of 12-18 year olds. You might like to check out Parentline, which offers free one-on-one support to parents and carers if you are ever be looking for age specific supports. 

Of course, we would love to see you continue to connect on here also and look forward to seeing you online in the community soon.

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sunmoonstars

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

Hi Bailey, thanks for responding and I'm sorry its taken so long to reply. Things have been really difficult. Thanks for the resources - if I'm being honest I have a tonne of resources and absolutely no energy to get my head around anything new, due to burnout from this being so hard for so long.

My psychologist tells me I'm one of the most intelligent, articulate and well-read patients he's ever seen, and that this is all very hard but good luck and be on my way. I guess he thinks I'll be able to figure things out on my own :/ As it's a free service through the mental health plan, and I'm pretty much broke, I can't afford to get professional help/support.

I do have understanding friends, and an ex-partner who is still supporting me even though our relationship has broken down, I am grateful for him.

At this current time, my daughter has left home after another big blow up, and I have gently told her that unless she's willing to live by my rules (which aren't many), that she might need to make other arrangements as I cannot tolerate her disrespect.

I've not ever been able to set and hold boundaries with her, and I'm aware that its because of my guilt of what she went through that caused her trauma, and that I'm trying to make up for her Dad not being around, and my guilt for my part in how I handled that at the time, which caused her bond with him to sever, and moving her away from my family because of my own trauma. Which I am starting to doubt because I don't think I ever really had it that bad, but I certainly had no self esteem and was running away for a long time. If I'm being a little bit fair to myself though, I'd say I suffered from emotional neglect and that for me uniquely, who I was/am, that was pretty debilitating and has caused much pain and shaped who I've become.

My daughter is angry, and is fighting for her freedom. I do understand and have compassion for her. I know its me that needs to change, and that has been really hard to do. I've been over-giving to the point of burnout, and have been enabling her.

At present she doesn't have any support either. After a few sessions with a fantastic psychologist, with too long inbetween, and not the funds to keep going at a level that would be needed, my daughter and I both agreed it wasn't worth it. We did discuss a plan for her to call headspace when needed, and downloaded an app and talked about more ways, but none of that ever gets used. I have come to accept that she does not want to help her self in this way and I understand that. She's 16. She doesn't want to face things and learn techniques yet.

I feel awful and am heartbroken, she's blocked me from seeing where she is and isn't responding to my messages. She's got an appointment with her GP today so I am guessing she will get another script for her meds seeing as how she hasn't come home.

There's so much learning in this for me and I know its making me take care of myself. I'm having to manage my fears, worry, regret and guilt. And learn to love myself and no that I've done the best I could, that I'm not who I was yesterday and that I can be OK regardless of what is going on with her.

Thanks for listening. I'm trying to distract myself with things, I think I've called all my friends and had a talk and that's all run out for today, but I'm not past that point where I don't need to talk anymore, which is why I jumped on here. I'm going to try and potter around in the garden today, maybe even do some sewing to get my mind off things.

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sunmoonstars

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

Hi Garnet .. thanks so much for responding! Yes I have heard that DBT is the gold standard for BPD. Sadly there is no one teaching it around our area, and I do think it would be great for my daughter in person, when she is ready. I've got some books on it but not yet the headspace to take it all in - it's in my goals.

 

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sunmoonstars

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

And gosh, single parenting ... I hope you are doing ok. I really struggle with this and have many regrets of how I handled things.

Mod
Bel_RO

Re: Teenage daughter with BPD

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Hi @sunmoonstars , 

I can see how difficult things have been for you and really admire your resilience. It can be incredibly difficult to reflect on your own trauma and the ways this has impacted your parenting in the ways that you try to care for and protect your daughter, but you can also identify how this trauma has adversely impacted you. I want to emphasise how amazing you are for having the capacity to acknowledge where you might’ve gone wrong and accept what has been done. I appreciate your courage to share this with the community and thank you for being so open. 

Raising teens as a single parent can sometimes be largely taxing so I want to reiterate how difficult it must have been for you to have attempted to set these boundaries with your daughter knowing this was a likely outcome. I can see that you are exhausted and have tried your best to do what you can for your daughter and yourself. I can hear that you aren't receiving any ongoing professional support as you aren't able to afford it. I encourage you to explore Carers Gateway and Parenting & Family Support VIC who can support you as you might need, without cost. 

We have also sent you an email to check in, so please keep an eye out for it.