School Refusal

[Sunshine73]

I have a 12 year old son who started yr 7 (high school) this year. I thought he had settled in well at high school, everything seemed fine in term 1. He had a little bit of sickness at the end of 1st term and then first day back back in 2nd term he vomited in first lesson and I had to pick him up from school. Since then he has not returned to school. He says that he feels sick and then gets anxious about that knowing there will be other people around because he’s worried about vomiting. When I ask why he feels sick he says he feels anxious. The GP gave him tablets to help with nausea but obviously that didn’t help.
He kept up with his school work and did well with his grades but I’m really concerned about the social aspect of it now and him missing out. The longer he doesn’t go to school the worse it will feel when he does go back. He’s already saying he will look silly going back after having a whole term off. I am a single parent and work full time so it’s really been a struggle to have appointments with the school etc. but we have done that.
The new term is starting this week and we have a meeting with the well-being leader on the first day and finally got a psychologist appt this week too.
Just wondering if anyone else has had a child with anxiety /school refusal issues and how long it took before they could return to school or interact socially successfully.

[Chloe-RO]

Hi there @Sunshine73 ,

I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling with attending school due to his anxiety. It is understandable that you are concerned about the social impacts of school refusal.

The transition from primary to high school can be anxiety-provoking for many young people. From your post, I read that your son's anxiety has lasted more than just a few weeks and you are doing what you can to help him return to school.

You are not alone. This story about a young person's school refusal may be helpful for you to read.

It is good to hear that you have raised this with the school and you are meeting with wellbeing soon.

Once the school and teachers are aware, they can put strategies in place to support your child. This may include regular breaks, using a take-a-break code card, allowing him to have a quiet space when he needs it, pairing him up with friends, or making regular check-ins with him. 

There IS hope.

All the best. And we look forward to hearing how things go.

[Blake-RO]

Hey @Sunshine73 

I just had a read through your post and from what you have shared, it sounds like you are doing everything you can to support your son through this, and to get him all the support available. I can hear how hard you are trying to rally up as much support as possible for him with GP's, psychologists and school supports which can be challenging in itself. It is clear how much he means to you and how hard you are trying to help and support him through this and he is very lucky to have such a special and supportive mum.

It sounds like it has been a pretty challenging time for you both to navigate through and it is great to hear that you were able to book a psychologist appointment for him. It is understandable how concerned you must be and how difficult it must be for you to be managing whilst also managing working full time. It is a lot to be dealing with and I was wondering what your supports looked like and whether you have any support, or have been able to speak to anyone about this like a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional? It is just as important that you are also receiving all the support available to you and you don't have to deal with this alone.

I wanted to let you know that we have a free and confidential parent service where you can speak to someone one on one for some more support if you are interested. We have some more information about it and how you can book a session here

How are you feeling today and about the upcoming psychologist appointment?

Remember that we are all here to listen and support you as best as we can and that you aren't alone. Take care and we hope to hear back from you soon!

[Sunshine73]

I can talk to friends or family and they offer suggestions but then I feel worse because I don’t feel like they truly understand the extent of it. I can make appointments and book my son in to see people then on the day he will be anxious about it snd not want to go because he feels sick. That gives me anxiety leading up to it because I don’t know what to expect.
The school says he can use a take 5 card in class but they aren’t understanding he doesn’t even feel like he can go to class to start with.
Then there’s people in my family that tell me not to tell certain family members about any of it because they wouldn't understand. I feel worse talking to family and friends because they make me feel embarrassed that this is happening.
I’m a little nervous about the psychologist appointment but also hopeful. I just want my son to be ok and back to his active happy self.

[Stormy-RO]

Hey @Sunshine73 

Just wanted to chime in to say how difficult of an experience it must be to see your son struggling with school and wanting him back to his normal happy self. Being anxious about not knowing whether he will go to appointments is completely valid. Have you found any strategies that help? And have you been able to talk to anyone about your own anxiety? It's important to have support for yourself too.

It must be incredibly difficult when friends don't understand the extent of your son's struggles and that you can't speak to your entire family about it. It's great to see that you have reached out for other supports, but not having a network that understands is difficult at the best of times. Even through this, you aren't alone in your struggles. Have you been able to connect with any other parents about what you're going through?

I wanted to flag this website to you. They have a Facebook group for Australian parents and carers of children and teens with school refusal. It might be helpful to connect and hear other parents' stories in one big community. 

Let us know if this is helpful for you. We're here to support you any way we can.