Thanks for your reply Lan RO Yeah it sure is very worrying and stressful. It all seemed to change in a matter of weeks. It is so out of character for him to be so defiant it’s like he is more scared of these kids than us and the authority at school. He is into sport which is good and has a fantastic coach that he will often confide in but not this time. How can they lie so well and he believes what he is saying even though we have written evidence that what he is saying is incorrect. Would love to hear from anybody that has experienced this as I’m struggling to believe it could all change so quickly and they can be so loyal even if it means them getting into more trouble. ... View more

Things are getting out of control. 6 days in a row of going to school being present for a while and leaving. Loads of phone calls to his phone from one number. Worrying messages on his phone about giving money for “stuff” as they put it. Interview with procipal showed and stated all our concerns they were going to get the police involved if the number belonged to an adult. They called the number for a young kid to answer - which I suspect was not the actual owner of the phone as I have since discovered overnight the actual owner of the phone is a 17 year old with a bad history. My son is not street wise at all we suspect these older boys have found him to be a good target. I’m at a real loss now. I have tried to talk to my son he just tells me nothing is going on they are just his mates and he will never ever snitch on anybody. I suggested even if he is not doing anything being there with them will render him as being involved in whatever it is they are doing. I’m sorry for the long post but have people experienced their usually good kids lying so well and so much just to protect others even at the cost of themselves ?? ... View more

Yeah I guess he will eventually but it certainly doesn’t feel like it now that’s for sure. I try to be positive but it’s just so so hard at this time ... View more

Yeah he sure is at the moment @Moggy3kids. I don’t know his friendship groups that well. I know his regular one which are his age but not these older ones. I am a constant but he is not interested I am the bad guy apparently. Such a horrible way to feel that we can’t help them like we idea to be able to ... View more

Thanks for quick reply Lan-RO I can only hope my son will realize one day but it surely doesn’t feel like it at the moment. I know I should look after myself and do something nice for me but at this point I can think of none of that. It’s not about me right now I just wish he could see that. I know he is a teenager and they are selfish but this is my baby and it hurts so much that I can’t fix this ... View more

Here I am again feeling very low and bit like a failure. I am doing everything I can to help and support my son. Have been to the school and gained their support in dealing with things. Now all I have is a son that won’t tell me anything doesn’t seem to want to even talk to me, if he does he is very irritated and angry in his tone. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up with everything. At times I feel maybe it’s all in my head but I know my son and I’m worried. Just needed to get this off my chest thanks for listening ... View more

Hey troubled75 sorry for delay in reply life has been a rolercoaster here yet again this week. He totally does self loath and hates himself and I discovered on his phone the other night lots of things you never want to hear your child say about themselves The not knowing whether to chastise or let things go is a constant here but I loose it myself unfortunately cause I’m at the end of my rope so times I should be more sympathetic and I can’t be. He has the meltdowns before I loose it though it’s just so so hard to parent at night these times. I just want my beautiful boy back he is still there cause I see it and the fact they are hurting so much rip your heart out. Hoping you boy is getting the help he needs as it’s ever so hard to even get them to appointments most of the time. I hope you are looking after yourself I know everybody harps on about that and I should listen to myself cause as mums we are very good at looking after others but neglect ourselves in the process. Always here to chat keep up the great work ... View more

I’m trying to shield my daughter at the moment whilst she doing exams cause she does get very upset by his behavior and how much he hurts me mentally. I honestly don’t know where to turn to anymore or even how to deal with this anymore. I am terrified to move forward to be honest just waiting for the next thing. Thanks again for the support ... View more

Thanks breez-Ro it just rips my heart out to be honest. It just seems he is doing everything that he knows will upset us although he has told his dad he doesn’t want me to know cause he feels bad but he denies the smoking part “of course he does”. I have a daughter going through year 11 exams at the moment so I don’t want this to upset this house so he doesn’t realize I know yet. I was very appreciative of his friend and the mother and I told them both how thoughtful and caring they were and how good it is that his friends look out for each other. I was not the best teenager either but I never remembered doing it at such a young age. It just really really worries me that he is going to continue on a path of destruction. Thanks again for your support ... View more

Thanks for your replies and support it’s a really tough time that has now become worse. Phone call from school he left school grounds and when he returned he smelt very strongly of smoke he was with a boy 2 years older than him. We buried my father 3 years ago after fighting lung cancer due to smoking history He was very close to his grandfather and hated cancer and smoking for what it did to his grandfather. I cannot believe this last stunt. Got a phone call also three nights ago from a parent of a friend of his to ask if he was ok cause he had said so he disturbing things to his friend she thought he wanted to put an end to his life. I have no idea where to turn. Ex is really stepping up and taking control which is good cause I honestly don’t know if I am strong enough to fight anymore. Anybody with any advise would be appreciated ... View more

Hi troubled75 what a very familiar sounding story the meltdowns the anger the tears. This is such a great place for us to reach out and be able to share our experiences at the same time as trying to help and support others. We are a divorced family of 3 years with a 13 year old son and 17 year old daughter. Like your son mine is struggling so we are all struggling as a family. The not knowing how to parent these kids I totally agree. Your doing an amazing job being there for him in these situations even that is so very difficult at times. I don’t have much advise for you except to say keep loving them and trying to support them as hard as that can get at times and look after yourself make sure you are getting help and support. I find it very difficult to see my son hurting so much as I’m sure you do. Their hurt and fear comes out in anger and frustration directed at those they love the most. We as you have tried numerous psychologists and doctors and I find them all very clinical and not always a lot of help. My son is very involved in soccer and has an amazing coach that the boys really look up too. He has spoken to our son on many ovcasions when nothing else seems to be working and we are at a huge loss as to where to turn. He gets more out of his one on one chats with Soccer coach than ever with psychologists. Everybody is different and different things help for different people. Do you have somebody that he really looks up to and respects that you can ask for their help and support for your son. His dad doesn’t sound bad like much support which is difficult fortunately I don’t have that issue stacked on as well. Hang in there and please we are all here to help and support each other. Remember the saying it takes a village to raise a child I truely believe that. Good luck and try and find somebody that he trusts and will be willing to talk to that isn’t a clinical person. Here whenever you need ... View more

Thanks serenity it’s nice to hear I’m not alone. It is very tough horrible situation somewhere I never wanted to be or situation I wanted my kids to be in. As your he is such a caring beautiful boy even with the last few years he was always genuinely remorseful and sorry but it doesn’t seem the case now. What upsets me is I am definitely the focus of his anger he blames me for everything but what we have always kept from him is the affair that his dad had that broke up his family. I Dont want to make him any more hurt than he already is. I really really worry with him cause he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that is controlled to some extent with medication another thing I never wanted for my child but we had no choice. I know kids lash out and say some horrible things they don’t always mean but I said to him yesterday mate I am human and it is really starting to hurt my feelings and making me feel sad he gets upset with himself but I can’t always hold It in. Thanks so much for listening and the reply it really helps knowing your not alone 😟 ... View more

Hi Lan-RO previously it was difficult to get him to psychologists but he did go and got some benefit. At the moment he believes it is me that is the problem. I have mentioned some more counseling even family counseling but he has said he will talk to nobody cause he doesn’t have the problem. He is such a beautiful caring boy even what we have been through the last few years he was still always very remorseful for things he did and said not so much now. I’m very distressed I hate seeing my kids suffering. I work full time to be able to provide well for the kids and I’m exhausted mentally and physically. Thanks for listening it means so much ... View more

I'm  feeling pretty crap.  I actually do have a professional that I see but when I'm so far down nothing seems to make a difference.  She tried to get me to call family when I was in her surgery last week cause she can see the immense struggle but I didn't and I still haven't they don't need my stresses on top of their own.  I have always been there for everybody from a very young age.  I never liked conflict I always liked everybody to be happy and I would help anybody and listen to anybody and do whatever I had to even if it affected me in a negative way as long as they were ok.   Unfortunately that is not helping me now and hence why people are not there cause I have always seemed ok and always been the one to help everybody else.  I think because I can always tell if people are not ok others can see that I am not but maybe that is not the case.  Ill get through some how I'm sure its just so tough at times.  Thanks for your support it all helps especially when you can chat to others that have been in similar situations. ... View more

  Thanks so much for taking the time and for the support.  I actually do see a psychologist believe it or not.   I don't find when I am in this headspace though that anything helps.  I just really feel completely at a loss.  My whole life I have always been about helping others and making sure everybody else is ok with no regard to how it affects me so now it is affecting me I feel so out of control I honestly feel I can go no further down.  I have been put on some medication that is allowing me to get some sleep but I am so out of it during the day I cant stand it.  I still have to work, I still have to try my best to parent.  I don't want to be a bother to anybody to be honest.    My psychologist wanted me to call my family whilst I was in her office last week because she knows I desperately need help and probably wont call otherwise.  I didn't call and I haven't called I just cant its just all too hard.  They have enough of their own stuff going on they don't need my issues.    I have got some hired help in place at home starting this week which might help ease things as when you are so emotionally drained nothing gets done and that gets us down even more.  Thanks for listening it all helps.  ... View more

Yep your right it’s a horrible place to be. I would rather be well away than where I am at the moment. I hate it. I hate what I do to my kids I hate how I treat and react towards them. My life is a mess. I feel emotionally done. Yep I have a lot going on but so do others. I can’t cope but they can that’s the difference. I had many many friends but it’s all too hard for them now. I am so supportive to others whenever needed no questions asked. I appreciate all your suport I know you guys have your own tough stuff going on but it does mean a lot to have the support even though it’s via computer. ... View more

Hi taokat thanks so much for the reply I wish I could take the emotion out of it then It might be easier to deal with. I have every emotion that you mention. My heart just aches for my little boy. I also think if it’s this hard for me to cope with how does a 12 year old cope. Just today again instead of listening to his side I just exploded so he shut down I ended finding out his version which he was trying to tell me was actually correct so again he believes nobody ever listens or wants to hear his side I’m very guilty of that. I need to be really strong for both my kids but at present it is proving near impossible. I’m just surviving myself at this time I don’t have the energy or the clear head to do it anymore. My kids are my world but honestly I think at the moment they would be better off away from me or me from them. I do feel angry and sad and bitter and self pity I feel it’s all too much. My head aches my heart aches my body and mind are exhausted. At the same time I’m holding down somehow a demanding job and dealing with a tough property settlement. I thank you for advise on coaching I have had booking and cancelled it twice I just get so overwhelmed. I Appreciate the support I just feel people get sick of hearing about it so I don’t talk about it to friends although they know I’m not in a good place they don’t push anymore. Tomorrow is a new day hope it brings joy to all 😀 ... View more

Hey guys here I am again on this rollercoaster ride. It's been a very very difficult few weeks for us. Unfortunately DS has struggled and my mental health has not been good either. When will this get better it's such a hard time I honestly have no idea how to deal with this or the feelings associated with it anymore. ... View more

Not quite up to it last night unfortunately. Thanks for the support maybe next week ... View more

Thanks so much just what I needed to read at the moment. I do think negative from the fear of going back there which I guess is pretty normal I really appreciate the support from you guys I wish I could of made it last night but I'll try next week. 😀 ... View more

Thanks so much I actually don't really know where to turn next.  Things have not been great but I'm trying to be positive which is hard.   As you say I never want to be there again ever and neither does he so I'm always on edge.   Ill try and come for a chat tomorrow night but I'm not really feeling very chatty but it could help.    ... View more

Going ok I think. Just wish I could stop waiting for something to go wrong. I just want to believe everything he tells me but I just keep waiting. I know it's a negative way to think but I'm trying. Thanks for the support I'll keep you updated. ... View more

Hey guys it's been a really tough week but think we have made some positive progress. This is really taking its toll on all of us but with a good support network it's bearable. :( ... View more

GP visit went ok increased medication and see a new child psychologist next week. Unfortunately I got a call from school principal last night to say things have really got out of hand with him. He is being very disruptive and aggressive and disrespectful (makes you feel horrible as a parent). After speaking to him about this we had a major eruption which was very disturbing for all of us. I'm at my wits end I have had very little sleep and I know In another hour I'll be dealing with it all over again. He said a few things last night that make me very concerned with his mental state at this time. Will see what this morning brings I'm actually dreading it to be honest. I need to stay strong and that's very difficult at this point. ... View more

Yeah I know the GP is best for advise on medications etc sometimes they are so clinical and it's just nice to hear from others that have been through it. I'm feeling slightly more positive this morning. I know I'm not alone and I know others have way bigger issues and I know we will get through this it's just tough going at times just when we think things are settling then wham. I'll let you know how GP goes and thanks again for the support. ... View more

We do try to do something nice together but sometimes life just gets so busy with work and kids but will definitely continue to make the effort. Thanks so much for the support I'll let you know how we go with GP ... View more