Hello, I am seeking advice about what to do about my estranged 13-year-old daughter. But first a little background before I get to my dilemma. Its been 10 weeks since she and I had a falling out over what was initially a minor tiff that has turned into her refusing to talk with me. Her mother and I had week-about-shared-custody with her and her 16-year-old sister, but now she is full-time with her mother. I send my daughter texts asking her to talk about it, for us to see a counselor together, but pretty much all I get back is "go away and leave me alone". I was bewildered by her reaction, which is way way out of proportion to the circumstances. I am not the perfect father but I've always put the girls first, giving my love, support and understanding. Up until recently we had a warm, loving relationship. I have good evidence that my ex (who has been diagnosed by her psychiatrist with a personality disorder, which may have something to do with it) has been cleverly sabotaging my relationship with my daughters. A significant number of things my daughter has angrily fired at me, but not all, has come from my ex. Thankfully my 16-year-old is not so affected – our relationship remains loving. On the other hand, my 13-year-old has, believes damaging things about me that aren't true but she thinks she's acting from her own thoughts and will. My ex is very intelligent and manipulative and is good at making herself look innocent and me look like the bad guy. In an email, my ex denied saying bad things about me to our daughter. Then when I emailed her back the things my daughter has been saying to me (including things related to conflict between us, and painting me in quite a bad light) she admitted saying them, but reasoned it was my fault that she said them. When I asked her to stop saying these bad thing about me she denied they were bad. She will never admit fault and blames it all others. I am most concerned about the mental and emotional health of my daughter in both the short and long-term. If she wants to live with her mother full-time, I am OK with that but only if that's in her best interests, but not under these circumstances. I understand parental alienation is a form of emotional and psychological child abuse. If this is true then I am obliged by law to report it. I'm afraid that if I went down that path, it might upset my daughter even more and she would hate me forever. But as the way things are going this might be the case anyway. On the other hand, it might bring out the truth and help her to understand what's going on. But then she might hate her mother, and I want her to have the best relationship she can with her mother. At the end of the day, I would like us to sit down with a counsellor, talk about it and hopefully mend our relationship. I'd appreciate your thoughts.
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