Hello. I am 14 and I am a pansexual. And although I do not use a gender neutral name and do Identify as my born gender, I can assure it is not bc your children are troubled. And it also does not mean we have had any physical relations or want any yet. It just means we feel love towards people without taking gender into consideration. It is not anything anyone has done or any situation we have been put through, it's just the way we were made and nothing can change that or affect it. So don't worry your children are fine. We just don't fit into the hetero normative and we are "different" but that just makes us special and who we are. Hope this helped. ... View more

Hi there @Lippylinz @Soulmama @Lilly19    We have had young people answer a question about "How much phone time is okay for a teen?" which is now live today. It is a little bit different to the snapchat topic, but I would really love to hear your thoughts about screen time, snapchat and strategies you use for phones in general.   We have a chat started on the question thread if you would like to jump in  ... View more

Hey there @Lilly19, how have things been going with you and your daughters? Have you find any of the advice shared in this thread helpful? ... View more

Hey @What_to_do    I hope you've found a clear path in this situation. I agree with the previous suggestions (not providing money to your daughter that you feel is going to be used for drugs), however I just wanted to respond to your feeling of the "dilemma".   I'm sure all parents can relate with the problem of not knowing what's the "right" answer in some situations. It reminded me of when my son was reported missing and ended up at his girlfriends house. The parents were great, in that they called me to let me know that he was there and so I was able to collect him.   On the way home I took my son into the police station (so they could sight him) however throughout this whole process he was begging me to let him stay with his girlfriend for the night. He was saying that it made him feel better (mental health wasn't good at the time) and that he would just run away again if I didn't drop him back off at her house.   I remember sitting in the police station totally confused. My thoughts were scattered and I couldn't make a clear judgement. I knew that I wasn't coping and so I called my eldest brother. Thankfully he was able to calm me down, and said "Just remember that [name] is not coping at the moment. His thoughts are his 'depression talking' and you need to make the choices for him."   It was weird how it snapped me back into reality. Suddenly, the answer was clear and so I took him back home. For me in the moment, it was a wrestle between "I don't want him running away again" (after all, I just got him back) and "I don't want him thinking he can just use that against me to get what he wants".     Fortunately this was a good lesson for me, in that it showed me that 1) I can lose control of my "rational" brain and, 2) I have a right to step in and make the right choices that are not dictated by a 14 year old who doesn't have the capacity to make good choices.   Oh, and yes, he ran away again . . . ... View more

Learning to communicate is some great advice @Lilly19 :) Thank you for sharing! It's great that you share some interests with your teens. Do you share any favourite artists or bands with them? ... View more

At 12 she will be hormonal and having thoughts much sooner then we ever did. Remembering that all kids are different in their behaviours it sounds like she is exploring her world. If she has started her period as protection you may want to go to the doctor and discuss preventative measures. That is just being a normal parent not overreacting just doing what you think is best to support and protect her. What we say and what they hear/understand do not always equate the same msg. I often asked my young teens Q's they told me we know that.. but when asking what they thought the Q was - at that age they had no clue whatsoever. Mine at 16 study medical studies and still have no clue about simple Q's and sex topics. They are however very aware of STD's I not only talk about them but show them what they look like and what happens. They are a bigger risk then pregnancy with some causing infertile issues for both sexes. I know that it is important to know whats happening but is it worth losing respect by reading her very personal stuff. You want a teen who knows when the world falls apart you are there with her trust in you to explore the world. there maybe some sort of counselling for you to guide you through these years ahead- remember most of us experience the same issues you most certainly aren't alone..  ... View more

Being a step parent can be hell. Especially with teens   A suggestion would be to step completely back and have a little time out to separate yourself and your needs and wishes.   This is affecting you and your children and this is not your son. Your partner is not being a partner rather a child who doesn't want to face responsibilities for his own son. He is not respecting you nor your emotional status.   What do you want for you? For your family? For this week, next a month a year.    Counselling can help a couple to see another point of view and be helpful to strengthening a relationship.    However as hard as decisions can be you are strong and you are asking for help. Your children are lucky to have such a wonderful supportive mum. Some don't. breathe, cry and breathe. And, take your time!!     ... View more

As you are in the US you can contact hotline.org they are in every state with contact details and will walk you through the legal steps to help your girl. Some of this is normal teen behaviour - they are like toddlers, defensive, screaming, refusing, then the hormones. You and your younger children are being physically and mentally abused. If you can get trauma counselling for yourself first and the kids you will get off those horrible eggshells. Sometimes our teens need tough love and learn through their own mistakes to become adults. Have a look at the developing teenage brain at this young age it isn't developed much past a toddler. I hope this helps a lot. Women and domestic violence is also a website that should help you. You are brave you can do this big decisions cause horrible guilt. breathe, cry and breathe. And don't forget you are a fantastic mum and very strong. ... View more

Being 18 you can change the locks after you have given her the boundaries of your expectations. It isn't up to you to help - apparently she is an adult who already knows everything.. Mothering is such a guilty job!!   A new child psychologist is your best move to start but, make sure you both develop a rship with them. Be guided by your girl, even at 8 they are pretty on top of who they like or not. 2 years in a child's development is huge.   Money is always an issue. We have started in community health and come across some brilliant psych's in that time (over 16 yrs).    Have a look at the different sites for school kids with anxiety it will be very beneficial for you to understand some of what she may be feeling. Breathe, lots of us are dealing with the identical issues.   ... View more

@waldo_pepper  thank you so much for coming and sharing your story of hope with your son. It is so amazing to hear from parents who have seen their teens through the darkest years into a bright adult-hood.    @Lilly19  our hearts go out to you - and we really hope you are having some good days in amongst everything.  Remember to keep looking after yourself and accessing your support network for your own wellbeing too.      We have a discussion over here about hope if either of you would like to contributes and read other parents input.  ... View more