My son has been battling depression for the last three years (he is now 19). Was on medication (said it was making no difference) and has now come off the meds, but has recently sunk even deeper into that dark hole. Nothing has helped. He is self harming again and I feel the only reason he is still around is because of me and his father. He has no friends, goes nowhere and does nothing but watch Youtube videos (some comedy) plays his guitar and music.
He hardly had any friends at school and has lost touch with those he had. He is a self confessed "social black hole" says he repels people (which he does - nobody knows what to do with him or how to deal with him, even his family struggles). His sister doesn't want to be home anymore because it makes her feel depressed being around him. I feel like a zombie. I wake up every morning wondering if I will find him alive in his room. He is so utterly sad. I feel almost guilty for keeping him alive when I feel that his suffering would end if he took his own life. And then doubly guilty for even thinking that. I am at my wits end. I don't know how to be a cheerleader anymore. We are loving and understanding parents. His father shares the same love of music and they have both bought motorbikes together last year in the hope that would give him something to enjoy (he has always been passionate about motorbikes) but even that became another reason to be miserable. His motorbike has broken down on occasion and although he is capable of fixing it, he just doesn't have the desire to ride it much anymore. I just don't know how to convince him life is worth living when he clearly has nothing to live for. I have tried to help him connect with like minded teens in our area, but nothing is happening. He did find someone to jam with briefly, but the guy was in his 40s with kids and really didn't want to continue with my son being the way he is. This has almost destroyed my marriage, but we are battling through. I just want him to be happy.
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