Hi @flowerss706, welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you are really struggling at the moment. It can be difficult to manage these behaviours, not to mention experiencing COVID and home schooling on top of it. I am wondering if you have sought any professional help before? Just so you know, you are most welcome to make your own thread to further share your story. This can sometimes generate a larger response from other parents on here as you can choose your own title with prominent keywords. You can do this by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right hand corner. Please keep us updated
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Hi @JohnMorrow , thanks so much for updating us on how you're doing. I'm sure it would have been a really difficult conversation to have, your daughter is really lucky to have you in her corner.
You mentioned in your last post that you were thinking of finding a therapist for your daughter, did you end up finding anyone for her to chat to? You may already be aware of this, but the government have recently announced an increase to the amount of sessions with a psychologist that you can access with a medicare rebate, you just need to see a GP to get a mental health plan to access those. How is your daughter doing at the moment?
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Thank you for your answer! Yes, I am pretty good! Since it's a quarantine I am sending my time with my boys, 3 and 8 years old. We are playing a board game and reading a lot but have no idea what to do tomorrow. How are you spending your time? Best wishes.
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Hi @DB602 ,
That sounds like such a tough situation for you and your family, especially with the current covid-19 restrictions making it much more difficult to easily visit each other.
I'm just wondering how old your daughter is? You mention that you're worried that she will push and hurt her grandfather, has she ever been physically violent before? How are your parents feeling about all of this?
Family conflict can be really common with teenagers, and it sounds like your daughter has had a lot of change in her life over the last year, you've mentioned that she has talked about feeling unwanted and unloved - do you think she may be lashing out partly because of these feelings?
It sounds like it could be really helpful for everyone to be in the same place and have a discussion about boundaries and behaviour at home - are you in a position to be able to visit your daughter for a weekend at the moment? We also have some great resources on helping teens to deal with famliy conflict, that you can check out here.
I can hear how much you love your daughter, and I imagine that this must have been a really difficult year for you. If you think having a chat to a third party would help, we do offer a free one to one parent support service where you can talk to an experienced child and family professional- you can access that here.
Please keep us posted on how you're going - thinking of you and your family
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We've had to counsel my daughter (who is extremely passive) to be very assertive to her step sister who is extremely dominant, and probably 3 times as strong physically. It has come to the point of physical confrontation where the stronger one was preventing the weaker one from leaving a place... The stronger one is trying to control my daughter's behaviour, and it's usually because my daughter is trying to do something she thinks is unfair and she doesn't want to let her get away with it. My daughter is pretty agreeable, but when confronted with dominant behavior retaliates passive-aggressively, which naturally makes things worse. Unfortunately the stronger daughter always feels like she's the one getting blamed because her behaviours are the ones that are more egregious and easy-to-see. We've told my daughter that she should use her voice more often. She very occasionally rises to the challenge of calling her step-sister out on her BS. We've also made it clear to my step-daughter that it's not ok to physically restrain someone from going somewhere. While I have seen this behaviour as bullying, it really IS typical sibling behaviour... I've seen way worse in my own family. When you say the 12-year-old is hurting him, what exactly are the complaints? I'm not trying to dismiss your concern, but I know from my own experience (You would not believe how angry I have felt toward my step-daughter... before accepting that she is just another kid and that she's very different from my own kid, and that she's responding like a normal kid with her predispositions) I do feel sad for my daughter, having to fight this fight with her step-sis, however they play well together 90% of the time, and if she wasn't learning this lesson from her step-sis, she'd be learning it the hard way, like I did, in school, where I was bullied constantly
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I was plagued with negative self-talk for years and years. It came about because I was not the person who I wanted to be, and I had all these beliefs about myself that I simply couldn't get over. My main problem was that I could not finish what I started. Or at least that's what I thought it was. In fact, I would start a project that I didn't particularly enjoy, but that I wanted to be able to do, then I'd get angry when I was hitting roadblocks, and quit, then get angry at myself for quitting, repeat. I built up this huge complex of absolute conviction that I was not capable of anything, would give up on everything... it was compounded by a childhood ADD diagnosis... ANYWAY, I see my daughter lapsing into the same negative thinking habits. The self-deprecation... I'm not sure what to say, except my approach has been to expect her to turn her mood around, and to just keep after her. She doesn't like saying positive things either. Just tonight she refused to say "I'm fine" when she was a little uneasy at bedtime (she said it, but used finger quottation marks). What I think is helping her though is that I am now not a negative thinker. I mashed that habit (it was harder for me to break than drugs and booze) and now I can model positive thinking, and its result, and if I continue to tell her to reframe her thinking, if I continue to gently urge her to choose a happier mood, to remind her that happiness can be chosen (when you're not in fact drowning in legitimate hurt... but sometimes even then), then she will one day be able to make the choice for herself to think more positively. In fact, she does have moments where she tries it out, and thank goodness she sees the effect. One thing we do in my family now is we go around the table and say what we are grateful for - one thing. But explain it at some length, why are we grateful for it... and my daughter always comes up with something. My step-daughter spurns the dinner table gratitude, but occasionally contributes something that isn't a joke... I'm not as worried about her. May your daughter find her bliss. And you'll probably have to try a diversity of strategies. Best of luck, JM
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