My 15 yr old girl has borderline personalality disorder

[Netbell123]

I am beside myself my daughter has borderline personality disorder and it’s 5 am and she has snuck out and been gone since at least 2 am when I went to check on her. She does this regularly and I can’t cope. I have rang the police but I’m in a coastal town where the police don’t man the station so not much they can do. She answers my texts mostly saying she is safe and don’t worry I’ll come home when I’m ready!!!! She has suicidal tendencies and self harms she also has no concern for her own safety so I just sit here or dive around looking for her. I am 57 and she is the youngest of 5. Any one have any help or ideas I’m at my wits end. Thanks 🙏

[Sister]

Dear @Netbell123,

Did your daughter return ok? If only they knew the concerns they put on us!

Does she have a counsellor and do you have any support for yourself?

Take Care. We are here for you. If not at the exact time you post, but a lot of us have been in very similar situations, if that helps.

[Erin-RO]

I hope everything turned out okay @Netbell123?

As @Sister said, we're here for you and many of our RO members have been through similar situations. I think a common theme I've picked up on is to try and make sure you are looking after yourself

Which I know is particularly hard in the circumstances you've described but maybe going forward just make sure you're able to make time for some supports / services / or self-care strategies to help you in supporting your daughter.

[Netbell123]

Thanku all
So much yes she after ignoring me for hours and being nasty rings me at 5.30 and says can you pick me up. It is so hard when she is nice she is so sweet but when the **bleep** one comes out I don’t know he. I received a book I ordered called “Walking on Egg Shells” I just don’t know how to deal with this and I get told by friends and others don’t pick her up let her go … how !!! Do I stop being a Mum I can’t as she is still my Baby. I am 57 and I feel like is this how my last years with Emily still at home going to be ☹️☹️ Anyway today is a new day and she has been good she said sorry not that it feels like much I have to Hope my sweet little girl is still in there. Thanku so much for you lovely comments I appreciate it so much xo

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Netbell123 sounds like a really challenging position to be in. How is the book "Walking on Egg Shells" and does it contain any strategies that might assist in your situation? I'll tag some of our members to see if they can provide you with some support and advice @taokat @sunflowermom @Schooner

[Schooner]

Dear @Netbell123,

I had a few anxious nights last year when my 15 y.o. son went out to "clear his head", refusing company. I would try to stay calm, watching the street for his return, or doing laps of the neighbourhood hoping to catch a glimpse of him. It's unbelievably nerve wracking, wondering if he is planning to hurt himself, trying to decide if it's time to call the police. I feel for you, it's terrible.

I used to get him to take the dog with him sometimes, if I could. I figured that reduced the chance of him doing anything to hurt himself. I also tracked his phone, which was a bit hit and miss, but worked sometimes. He worked out that he should turn it off sometimes, or he would disable the tracking app.

Trying to reason with him at these times was a waste of time, but I'd also try to explain that we were worried, but wanted to give him some space, and ask that he give us a little in return (like letting us know where he was).

I also deadlocked the doors and windows at night, and hid the keys. If I didn't I found I couldn't sleep. I still didn't sleep very well, but it helped. 

You sound exhausted. I got to the point where I was too exhausted to do anything useful. Look after yourself, get some back up if you can. We can never stop being parents, but to do that job well we need to look after ourselves.

I'm seeing my lovely boy coming back again this year. I hope you see your "sweet little girl" again soon. 

Cheers

[Netbell123]

Thank you I haven’t had much of a chance to read much as yet but will plod along. My daughter has been good she worked today so when she is there I can take a breath cause I know she is safe. There is so many things that go through my head … Thankyou all so much it’s good to know I’m not alone 😁

[Netbell123]

Thanku for your kind message Schooner, my girl has done some silly things when she has snuck out like at the age of 14 she went to peoples house that I didn’t know smoked Pot drank alcohol so now I don’t trust her she lies so easily … is this part of BPD ? She says when she sneaks outb in the night that she just wants to walk and clear her head but sadly I don’t know if I trust her. She has snuck out and met older boys to get smokes and she doesn’t see the danger … one night she met a guy to get smokes that she paid twice as much money for and said there were 5 guys in the car… that just terrifies me she just doesn’t see the danger. And the other night when she was gone for 4 hours she says she was just walking in the Bush… I want to believe her but I don’t know this child who is not scared of the dark and scared of what could happen to her. One time I locked the garage door with the key thinking she can’t get out that way … she got a screw driver and took the lock out. This is a kid that I didn’t think she could do it never mind thinking of doing it. She cut the fly screen on her window now says she just walks out the glass sliding door. Sometimes I can make her sleep
With me which she used to do nearly every night until about 8 Months ago.
Sorry this is so long I just don’t know what to do I am a single Mum so it’s just my daughter and me. She was sexually assaulted 3 years ago by her older nephew/ my grandson he denied it and this is part of her problem and this has also seperate my family I now have two gwown up kids that don’t talk to me anymore cause they think we are lying about it so it’s hard. I feel lost and very lonely. Her Dad doesn’t have much do do with her either he is an alcoholic I left him when my daughter was 2 so she misses not having a dad that actually cares for her. ☹️

[Erin-RO]

Hi @Netbell123 I just wanted to let you know that I edited out your daughters name from your posts. We try to avoid anything identifying on RO, I hope that's ok. Your experience sounds heartbreaking and a real struggle. It sounds like you may need some support for yourself? Do you have a friend or counsellor you can confide in?

[Netbell123]

Thanku I did think after I posted that I probably should not have said her name and I understand totally. We are seeing a Councilor when things are good they are great but things can change in a heart beat sometimes. I have a couple of good friends who I can talk to but when She disappears in the middle of the night I don’t like to disturb them. That is when I’m the loneliest and feel so helpless. I am so pleased I found this site and the support is amazing.
Thanku so much