Not sure what to do - Daughters past self harming

[Nick-RO]

Hi @Moonlight - just wanted to check in to see how you were holding up?

[Moonlight]

They both go down every school holidays to see their dad and that side of the family. Its been our arrangement for 12 years now. I work and instead of them being bored at home with me its always been great they could go there and have an actual holiday and fun. I guess it back fired?

He thinks its a good thing she stays there, if I forced her to come back she'd rebel more.. and I get it. Its just so hard!

I had to totally clean out her room.. she had cigarette butts in her clothing. So I packed everything up and was going to redecorate it. Now shes angry at me for packing up her things... why does it bother her if she was not planning to come back? am I suppose to leave it as it was smelling like cigarettes. Its like nothing I do is right with her.

She had her first headspace appointment on Monday.. and finally someone else sees what I see! They have noted she has anger issues, anxiety issues, an inability to process emotions, and low self esteem. So she'll be seeing a drug and alcohol counselor every week. Apparently they run through the salvation army and she can have as many apts as she needs without a cost.

There has been a lot of twisting my words and intentions and I fear the longer she is away the more things will get twisted I always thought the bond between mother and children was based on unconditional love.. im not feeling any of that from her anymore.. when a mere month ago she hugged me tightly and told me she loved me. 4 Weeks away from me and now she suddenly hates me.

[Moonlight]

@Nick-RO taking things minute by minute.. the chaos that is back to school is hard.. not picking her up as a part of my daily routine is a constant reminder. I myself have had one psychologist appointment to help me cope with the situation. I have a script for anti depressants myself.. but haven't taken them as of yet but at least I know they are there if I need them. 

[Jakehelp]

I’m really curious how your son feels about all this and if he is able to articulate the difference in your daughter between your and your exes homes. SHE DOESN’T HATE YOU! Try to find solace in knowing she is safe, getting help and hopefully the rest will work itself out.

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Moonlight how did you find the Psychologist? Would you consider going more regularly during this period with your Daughter?

[sunflowermom]

I think I am ready to find personal therapy for myself too.  We have family group but it may help me cope better having one on one.  Its a good idea to have medications on hand for yourself in case you need them.  I have been on anti depressants most my life been off for almost 2 years now.  I don't want to get back on them but I will do what it takes to feel like I am living life again. 

[Moonlight]

He was great in taking the emotion out of it and breaking it down into whats real... i've only had 1 appointment so far which was just explaining the situation, the next ones will be about strategies for me. I would definitely go with my daughter, it was always the plan. However with her now being 12 hours away its not an option

[Nick-RO]

Hey @Moonlight - thanks so much for updating your situation.  It is great that you are getting support for you during all of this both to ensure that you are in a good place to deal with all of this but also to talk through some practical strategies that you might have at your disposal to cope with things day-to-day (your daughter lashing out at you for example).

It has been amazing that you have been updating the community here and I really hope that you are also getting some comfort from their support and experiences (thanks @Jakehelp and @sunflowermom!!) and hope that you can keep leaning on all of us through all of this.

[Nick-RO]

@sunflowermom the love and care that you have shown in this thread to support others is so beautiful and appreciated (I really love your idea above on the encouragement cards- is this something you have had success with in the past?)

Given all that you are going through at the moment - which is more than anyone should have to bear.  I just wanted to thank you for all of your input!

It is a really positive step that you are considering personal therapy and just like I was saying above it might be really useful to explore some practical strategies with them as well - I was thinking specifically about the tactics you have for communicating with your mom (translating this to mum for our Australian members!) and dad.

Again, thanks for sharing your journey with us and I hope that you are receiving some measure of support from your friends in Australia and will continue updating us.

[sunflowermom]

Thank you for this note of encouragement!  I really needed to hear this.  I will keep updating and offering any kind of support I can.  I am so grateful to have found this group and not have to feel so alone.  I honestly do feel blessed even in this most difficult chapter in my journey.