Not sure what to do - Daughters past self harming

[sunflowermom]

Hello @Moonlight and @Jakehelp

It has been a little while- just wanted to check in see how things are going with you guys and a little update on us....

We have had a pretty good week.  It has now been 2 weeks with no self harm!  huge victory   She is trying to go 1 month and then I will allow her to get her nose pierced.  Seems to be keeping her motivated even with strong urges. She will be starting some home schooling next week to try and get caught up before actually re-entering school part time.  Today she is out for the day with her older brother and younger sister for some golf.  Small steps in getting back out into the world. 

[Jakehelp]

@sunflowermom. That’s awesome. It sounds like things are looking up. Things have been fairly quiet on our front. School is just taken out. It’s not going to happen! We’re going to do the on-line school again. He’s sure (again) that he will do it. There’s really no excuse not to, other than he doesn’t like it. I’m nervous about it because I’m the one who has to work with him & I’m getting too old for the fight (65). He went almost 4 weeks without harming but had a meltdown this week and did it again. Something set him off. He says he fights the “urge” and hits walls but gave in. He won’t say what set him off. He hates himself for giving in which makes it a vicious cycle. I try to stress forgiving himself & starting fresh but that, of course, is easier said than done.

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Jakehelp

On line school is good.  At least he is doing something towards his education and it probably helps keep him busy.  That's got to be a huge challenge working with him- you are a good grandpa for doing that for him.  I would have no idea how to help my daughter school wise or her attitude she would give me.  I don't know why these kids are so hard on themselves.  I wish they could forgive themselves when they have a relapse and realize that they are not starting back at the beginning ( even though it feels like it sometimes.)

[Nick-RO]

Hi @Jakehelp Really sorry to hear about the episode that you guys faced this week, but it sounds like you coped really well with it by asking him to forgive himself.

I wanted to let you know about an article on the ReachOut site.  As you know, we are based in Australia so some of the links there won't be appropriate for you (such as where to find professional support), but the article is a really practical guide and talks about some ideas for how to manage the urges that your son is experiencing and what tools he can use to address them (things like distraction and delaying techniques).  I wonder if there are any ideas in there that might be useful for you to keep having this conversation with your son?

You can find the article by following this link

[Jakehelp]

Thank you so much. Some really good ideas! I like the box idea a lot. Just reading the input from the girl with the green box made my heart hurt. It’s so painful knowing what a burden these young people are carrying. Love to Australia <3

[amandanw]

Oh hun, I know exactly how you feel, my daughter was/is the same, whilst we’ve come a long way, some days I notice new evidence of self harm...I don’t like to normalise this at all, however, sometimes for these poor kids in this world of pressures, most of them social media based it’s a way to release. What we need to do is encourage (with help) replacing poor coping mechanisms with healthy ones....sounds like you’re doing an amazing job, talking, not judging and just being there, keeping those lines of communication open is so important! Are you taking any measures to get some support for yourself?? Xxx Amanda

[Breez-RO]

You're so right @amandanw social media adds layers of complexities and insecurities for our young people, how incredibly challenging for them. Just a heads up I edited the method of self-harm out of your post. We can use terms like self harm/hurt self but not the actual method as it may stir past trauma's for other members. You can read more in our community guidelines.