Parent wants to trust teen

[delilah4321]

My teenager has been lying to me, mostly about things that go on at parties. For example, saying that there isn't any alcohol, or that she's hasn't been drinking. It's true that if she told me she was drinking I wouldn't let her go out. I need to be able to trust her I'm not sure how to go about repairing our relationship. It's my responsibility to make sure nothing bad happens to her. What's your advice?

[Janine-RO]

Hi @delilah4321 , 

Maintaining trust  with teenagers can be really hard - can I ask how old your daughter is? 

One first step could be to have a conversation with her about why she has been lying to you - is it because she is worried that she won't be allowed to go to parties at all if you knew there was alcohol there, or is she wanting to hide what she has been doing? Is this the only area of life where you've found that she's been dishonest with you? 

We have a great video on how to approach parties with your teenager that I've just linked to here - it's a really common thing for parents to be concerned about, so I'm just linking it to this post in case it's helpful for you. 

 

Ask The Expert about parties and teenagers

I especially like the advice she shares about parents of teens having a chat together and all setting similar boundaries around parties and things like curfews, and if there's alcohol involved. The right boundaries will look slightly different for every family - as you say, you want to make sure your daughter is safe, but you also want to make sure that if anything bad did happen, that your daughter would be comfortable letting you know and asking for help.  All kids need boundaries, but it can be really tricky to find the right balance! 

I also thought this resource may be helpful - it's all about how to balance trust and freedom with your teenager. 

Thanks so much for posting here - I'm also going to tag some of our parent community champions who may be able to share their own experience with teenagers and boundary setting @Faob_1  @sidneysdad @Dadof4kids  @Coops 

[Birdwings]

Thanks for posting this. I'm not a lot of help to you as I'm in much the same boat, although without the drinking. Our daughter has been going walkabout and saying she'll be home in an hour or two and arriving home at 1am and feeling like she's invincible. I'm wanting to keep the lines of communication open and our relationship on a good footing, but also need to enforce boundaries. I'm not trying to be her best friend or anything like that. Just wanting to keep her safe. Honest. Know where she is in case there's an emergency at either end. That's partly why I came to the Reachout site.