Respect for younger siblings

[twentyfive]

Newbie here but wanted to try something
Eldest son 15 gives younger son 12 a hard time over the use of wifi and won't share usage and demands 12 to get off and bullies him into getting off the net/Netflix so he can game at high speed
Causes many arguments
My distress is how 15 speaks to 12, demoralizing, put down scary words
And as much as we step in, 15 then thinks we only care about 12.
Any suggestions much appreciated
Thank you

[readthemanual · Accepted solution]

Maybe you can chair a meeting and let them negotiate a schedule.

[Sophie-RO]

Ohhh good question @twentyfive, paging some of the parent mods who might be able to help @AmyJay @StHubbins @Maggiemay @Xena__

[StHubbins]

Hi @twentyfive.  Welcome aboard.

Kids can just be dicks sometimes can't they!  I've got girls, so probably not as full on as boys, but they can still wind each other up.  15 is at that age where they are really trying to make sense of becoming an adult, and it sounds like that is involving him being a shit to his little brother.

I reckon I'd be threatening to withdraw his internet privileges unless he can share with 12, or afford his own internet connection!  If you do threaten, you really need to be willing to follow through.

Good luck!

[readthemanual · Accepted solution]

Maybe you can chair a meeting and let them negotiate a schedule.

[twentyfive]

Yes you're right I do tend to be bad at making false threats :! Something for me to improve on
Thank you

[twentyfive]

Nice idea thank you
I think sometimes you get so caught up in it you can't see the forest for the trees!

[Sophie-RO]

So true, @twentyfive - it's so hard to see things sometimes when you're in it. We've got great support and perspective for others, but it's harder to apply that to our own situations.....

[Mitzi]

It's not OK for 15 to bully 12 and you need to make that clear. As the eldest, I used to pull rank on 3 younger sisters. Sometimes I'd get away with it, other times my sisters would dob me in and I'd be punished. So yes siblings do that.

But @readthemanual's idea is great!. I had an idea of making day/time cards and issuing them to each son. Say for example you decide there are 20 (or 200 whatevs!) internet hours per week. Make 20 cards and label them like "Monday 5-6pm" and "Thursday 8-9pm" etc.  Each son takes it in turn to select an "Internet Hour".  The cards can be swapped by mutual agreement or traded i.e. if one son wants extra internet hours he has to do an agreed chore from the other son's responsibilities.

[Sophie-RO]

That's true - bullying behaviour is not ok in any circumstances and he does need to learn what is acceptable and what is not. It's important to address it now.

We have some great resources for you @twentyfive

1 Recognise Bullying behaviour at home

2 Talk to your teenager about their bullying behaviour

3 Here's a range of other things to try to help address this behaviour

Do let us know if any of these are helpful for you twentyfive!