Son abusive

[Designed]

Hi @Jammy. We have no psychiatrist locally...but will be seeking a referal to one and hour away, either through paed or psycologist. I get you...where are the booklets handed out to EVERY parent when their child hits 10 explaining a little of what is okay behaviour, what's not. And what steps to take if concerned, where to get help...like Reachout, for example, or mainstream. Muddle our way through with blindfolds on playing pin the tail on the donkey (sometimes I WISH I could pin the tail on the donkey!!!). Did you know anxiety is now one the greatest mental health problems? I feel for you with your daughter 😕

[Designed]

@Orbit64 mentioned skin & multivitamins. I mentioned vitamin deficiency & bad gut health resulted my other son needing treatment (90%) improvement. 

[Chalke5]

Hi @Designed it might be worthwhile ringing the hospital youth mental health section and having a chat with someone even if you don't use there services.  You may find it useful and they can let you know specific signs to look to warrant their early intervention.  In any event you are certainly on the right track in seeking help for your child. 

[Designed]

Is this CAMS or someone else? I'll have chat with them and see what they offer/think. Thanks @Chalke5...really appreciate the input

[Breez-RO]

Hi there @Designed wow it sounds like a really huge journey for yourself and your son - lots of updates. It sounds like quite a turbulent time for your son as well as the whole family.

Just wanting to check in on your son when you mentioned "no heating, no power." in the sleep out he's living in, are you confident he's safe out there etc? It's important even though you're trying to implement boundaries which is great, as he is minor he's still physically safe and well.

I think it's really good you're looking into counselling, especially family counselling could be quite beneficial, and the sooner the better I know it can be easy to forget adolescent's have very different cognition to adults as their brains are still developing, and I can imagine during this heavy storm it can be quite challenging for the entire family; but good that your son feels heard as well and not too isolated as he navigates his way through.

When the kicking etc starts up how does the rest of the family cope i.e. siblings, hubby? Do you all get a chance for regular self care i.e. walks with the dog, drives, meditation?

[Ngaio-RO]

Hi @Designed Just to follow on from @Chalke5 's post and to answer your question - Yes it's the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) I believe you said earlier you're in Tassie. This is them here

I can not recommend them enough. And I'm surprised the services you've been engaged with, including the school counsellor, haven't steered you to them. They are an ideal service for young people under 18-years-old who are having major difficulties most likely stemming from a mental health illness. Headspace tends to work with less complex young people so will refer to CAMHS. 

They often have a waiting list but that can differ from service to service so the best way to know is to call and have a chat.  In my experience,  as part of their case management is bringing in all relevant parties so if your son is accessing other health professionals they can be involved, so no effort is wasted.

I hope this is helpful.

[taokat]

Hi @Designed, I'm actually not in agreeance to the methods of discipline being used with your son, and I worry about the longer term effects it's going to have on him, and your relationship with him. I'm also greatly concerned that you say he's locked outside with no power, no water except for an outside tap and no heating except for an outdoor bonfire through the midst of winter, and his only access to food is what you actually give him. What does he do if it rains? You've stated he has no access to toilet or showering facilities except at school. I'm very concerned about how he's living. How does he do his homework? How does he spend his time after school and on weekends?

I've had very similar behaviours with my daughter, and I've found that love and being wiser, kinder and stronger, along with firm, unwavering boundaries have made such a difference. I have worked very hard myself in learning different parenting skills to achieve the different behaviours I now see in my daughter. Punishment as such I've found counter-productive in the long run. I prefer to work with what my daughter does well, praising any positive changes and modeling the behaviours I want to see, such as apologising if I've lost my temper, or said something I regretted.

As much as I understand how unacceptable violence and threatening behaviour is, I'm wondering if you could look at other options that are safer for your son, if you do not want him inside the family home? 

Have you looked into the parent coaching Reach Out offers? It's fantastic and works with strengths so is very positive. It's flexible and tailored to meet the needs of the family. They could also help you with finding positive ways of coping with the stress you are living under. Check out the link here. I really hope you'll consider it for the benefits it could bring your whole family.