(TW) My daughters Borderline Personality Disorder is destroying me

[Hebe1]

Hi . Wow I have been researching for months information on BPD and how parents are dealing with it and I just discovered this forum yesterday .. Reading your story was like I wrote parts of it myself..I'm really sorry to read what is happening , obviously I have no advice I'm here for it too . My daughter has seen a pyschologist who we have been on a wait list for regular sessions which will start in January and is on a 6 months wait list for psychiatrist..I'm just treading water in the mean time ..I'm alot better now the last few months since we have a diagnosis but it's a soul destroying journey ..I also have great support from friends but no one can give me answers on how to cope or how to attempt to recreate boundaries ..I used to lock myself in my bedroom at night of fear because at her lows she was violently attacking me and threatening me now Im dealing with her going wild out partying and experimenting .I know she is now smoking pot and taking drugs but I'm just trying to stay solid and supportive because I have no clue what else to do ! I am relying on the psychologicst sessions to help us .

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Hebe1 , thanks for sharing your story with us. Sorry to hear that you are going through a time time right now with your daughter. It sounds like you have been supporting her throughout and have been helping her get the supports that she is needing. It sounds like things have been really tough for you, so it is great that you have supports available to you. Sorry to hear that you felt unsafe at times and had to lock yourself in the bedroom, have you been feeling unsafe lately? Have you been experiencing anything like this currently with your daughter?

You mentioned wanting to learn some more strategies on how to cope and develop boundaries, which sounds like something that a counsellor or psychologist could support you with. If you are looking for further support, we offer free support from a professional through a collaboration between ReachOut Australia and The Benevolent Society. Through this you can talk to skilled family professionals who will work with you to find effective parenting tools and strategies to suit your child’s particular needs and your unique family situation. I have attached a link here if you are interested and want to learn more. Hope this helps!

[Hebe1]

Hi thankyou for replying ..yes I registered and booked for the parent support ..that's an amazing service! Currently my daughter is in a good space in the sense of not being aggressive ..at times she is not home for upto 7 days (she is only 16) I do know where she is in a general sense ..when she is home it's normally for only one night so we don't get to the point of explosive behaviour she generally sleeps the whole time . I'm just waiting patiently for the sessions to start for her in January to start working towards some goals ..she thinks medication is the answer but has also realised therapy is also a strong tool which took me months to get her to go to . Her initial diagnosis was either bipolar or BPD ..but her therapist thought more like BPD but again waiting to find more answers and help . When I read about BPD it's literally like reading a book about my daughter and the words written in this forum was so familiar it's kind of a relief to know I am not alone !

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Hebe1, it is good that you have been receiving some helpful support already. Also good to hear that your daughter has been in a good space lately and that you have been feeling safe. Not seeing your daughter for a bit sounds pretty tough, does she spend the other nights at friends houses? I think it is good that your daughter will be seeing a psychologist soon for some further support. I also hope that you and your daughter find it to be helpful and that the psychologist is able to support your daughter with managing what she is going through. Great to hear that you have found the forums to be helpful so far and that it has provided you with a sense of relief 

[AMC15]

This is my first time on such a forum and I feel your pain. My journey with my youngest daughter started when she was 13 , she is now 22.
I totally get how soul destroying it is to have a child with borderline. You would think after all those years I could pass on some great advice, sorry I can’t .
My daughter is currently not talking to me or her sisters. After a failed attempt at doing our best to support her she thinks we are trying to run her life. She as a teenager had a really bad experience with mis diagnosis and medication that turned her into a zombie so she refuses to seek medical help of any kind. She self medicates with drugs , which I believe only heightens her triggers. She is very spiritual and loves tarot cards and alternate options and I’ve supported this as it seemed to give her what she needed.
She is a mother of a 3 yr old daughter her ex partner is toxic as are his whole family , they are narcissistic bullies.
My daughter has constantly blamed myself and her stepfather for everything that is wrong in her life, we are **bleep** parents and our home, her hone has a negative energy she can not be around.
I’m broken and unable to see a way forward , l love my daughter with every fibre of my being and have made excuses for her over the years, gone into impressive debt to try and get her help only to have it thrown in my face and told I don’t hear her truth that I’ve made her this way by not understanding .
Ji wish you a smoother journey than myself as I’m now at my wits end and feeling I must just back away fit my own health both mentally and physically and THAT breaks me

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @AMC15, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to hear about all of the challenging times that you have been through with your daughter. It sounds like you have been so supportive of your daughter and her needs. It must be so hard for you lately as you mentioned that your daughter has not been speaking to you. You spoke about feeling broken and mentally and physically exhausted. I can't imagine how hard things must be for you. I am wondering if you have anyone that you can talk to about how you have been feeling and what you have been through? Parentline is a free and confidential telephone service that provides counselling and support to parents and carers. You might find calling them up and talking through what you are going through to be helpful. 

[Hebe1]

💔💔💔💔

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Hebe1 , I just thought I'd check in and see how you and your daughter are going at the moment? 

[Hebe1]

Hi thanks for asking ...She has been really good, amazing I could even say ! Since about 3-4 days before Christmas ..she was eating properly haven't had any aggressive behaviour or even any arguments everything has been smooth she's been home every night .. and now seems like out for nowhere she is deeply depressed not eating for days won't leave her bedroom which is in complete darkness, migraines crying etc ..so I guess just on another cycle ..she's going to her psycologist tomorrow which she enjoys but doesn't do any of the activities she sets .. my heart just breaks ..she's on a wait list for a psychiatrist it's another 4 months away ..

[CocoaM]

Very much understand the frustrations of the public mental health system that has the power to fast track appropriate treatment but won’t. We have been asking for a referral to Spectrum to get a diagnosis clarification for bpd because our suicidal 16 year old meets all 9 criteria for bpd. Our GP has given a referral but won’t be seen for 8-9 months. The adolescent public mental heath service she had been with for 3 years and currently been place on a treatment order and locked up in the psych ward after her last suicide attempt. However they refuse to do a referral because of the stigma attached to BPD. This is actually what they said!!!! With their referral the wait would be reduced to 2 months so we are left to wait the 8-9 months. Even though they think my daughter is so critical they are locking her up against her (and our although at 16 we, her parents, have no say) will. She is not mature enough, not confident enough and not sane enough to represent herself in a public mental health and legal system. I understand your experience of anger from your daughter. We as parents are supposed to make everything ok yet she is so angry and does. It want to to talk about anything. So hard.......