(TW) My daughters Borderline Personality Disorder is destroying me

[CocoaM]

It was a while ago I wrote my post but still fresh given the difficulties which it seems a lot of you can relate to. Daughter is out of compulsory treatment order and off drugs. It took getting a good psychiatrist in hospital to ‘get it’. Prior to that we spent $10,000 for a barrister to avoid electroconvulsive ‘therapy’. She has agreed to a DBT program that will cost $10000 but as you all know we will do what it takes to help her help herself. She is turning 18 in a few months and I am slowly preparing myself for the difficulties she/we will face once she is legal age for alcohol, tattoos and have more access to drugs. We have kept her quite isolated from those things to date. So I am in the process of letting go and accepting that I have given her the resources, love and patience for her to make good choices. Otherwise I have no influence really and I must find myself again. The impressive thing for me doing a bpd program was that I have let all self respect erode and I must find it for myself and her. The program was online and available in many countries. Ran by family connections. I recommend it for caters.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Bears-2022, thank you for sharing. I am really sorry to hear of how difficult things were for your family. It must have been quite frightening to be considering an involuntary commitment. It is great that your daughter was able to engage with dialetical behaviour therapy and see really positive outcomes. Getting started can be the hardest step for a lot of people to take. To other parents reading, who may be in a similar situation, do you feel comfortable providing any advice to them?

Hi @CocoaM, thank you for updating us. It sounds like you have had a really long, complex and expensive journey to getting your daughter support. I am sorry that this has been so hard for you and that you are still anticipating some further bumps in the road. It is good that she has your love and support as you mention.. but also now the skills and tools from the dialectical behaviour therapy program. Is she still receiving support from a psychiatrist or mental health professional? You mentioned finding yourself again which is a really important process for anyone who feels lost or like they need some reconnection. Do you know how you might go about your self exploration journey?

[Annttngr]

I have not receive the support I have been searching for since where I live Mental Illness is not a priority. There’s a lot we all learning through our own experiences. However I have reached out to Theraphist and they all tell me the same about boundaries. Something I have already been dealing with. It doesn’t help for me because my daughter goes into a attack mode on her manic state. Yes if it comes to dangering my life or even her life then I would have to call the police. Does it hurt omg every day I am suffering because I love her so much. But she has to learn to do her and it’s getting very bad. I see her post on Instagram, FB and is just mind blowing. I hope I can find here answers . Or support no judgement . We all suffer to see our children suffer. Thank you for reaching out. 🙏🙏

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Annttngr 

I'm really glad to hear you have the support of a therapist whilst navigating this relationship with your daughter. Putting healthy boundaries in place with people we love can be a really difficult thing to do, but so important for everyone's safety & wellbeing. 

We are an Australian-based organisation, however, I found some info on family violence supports in your area that might be useful to check out. Here are some BPD supports available in your area that might be helpful for your daughter also.

[Ihearyou]

I was looking for some information when I came across your post - I feel your pain.  My 22 year old daughter has accused me of the worst crimes - I don't love her, I don't care if she lives, I am a horrible mother, I love my other daughters more - and on it goes.  I also had such a great relationship with her until she hit 18 and the she became someone I do not know.  It is only getting worse.  I had to block her after a severe outburst to protect myself.  The guilt never ends.  Could I have done more?  Am I the reason?  My thoughts and emotions are such a mess.  I know in my head what she is saying is not true but my heart is crushed with each word she speaks.  I hope your daughter ended up getting help?  How are you doing?  Much of this illness is a result of abandonment, her father disappeared a few years ago and she felt it most.  I was left trying to pick up the pieces and clearly, was not successful.  At what point do we forgive ourselves for having to turn away from the abuse?

I pray for all of us in this situation, that somehow, sometime, we find the peace our children refuse to pursue. 

[Annttngr]

Thank you for responding. Same here when she was 16 she called the police on me for trying to discipline her on Christmas Eve. I have been dealing with false accusations. I completely understand. To save my insanity I had to cut ties. I appreciate you responding about your story very heartfelt but you had to do what is right . Thank you so much my prayers.

[Annttngr]

I really appreciate it 🙏🙏 thank you for reaching out .

[Blake-RO]

Hi @Ihearyou 

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry to hear that you have been experiencing this, it sounds like it has been a difficult time for you. I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing?

[SoSadMama]

I hear you. I feel you. I am in that place too. We pay and we pay and we pay ....Trying to make it right - trying to get help . Trying to help. Damage control . Financially , Emotionally , Spiritually drained

[Dem--RO]

Hi @SoSadMama and thank you for contributing to the Parent's Forum.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through, and thought this article may be of interest to you.

It also has a link to BPD Family, which is the leading online support group for family members of individuals suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Have you been able to access a Mental Health Care Plan through your GP for the family member that you are concerned about?