Verbal abusive teenager

[Taylor-RO]

That sounds like it must have been a lot to deal with and I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would have felt like @Faob_1. You have a wealth of experience to offer everyone else with a lot of helpful information. You are so right in that looking after yourself in crisis isn't easy and it can feel pointless at times given it won't fix the problem.. but as you mentioned, reducing stress for even a moment is really crucial in retaining sanity. It would be unrealistic for anyone to not expect sadness or struggle even after making that decision, so it is great point that you've pointed that out. Really amazing suggestions and self-care strategies there!

Thanks for sharing.

[Ammcg74]

Hi I unfortunately have similar problems with my almost 18 year old daughter. The only difference is she is clean and tidy as I refuse to do this for her and she is OCD and would not be able to cope with mess but Other than that she is extremely verbally abusive to me always putting me down and belittling me. She is almost 18 now and like you all I want now is for her to leave home. She has everything she needs here and doesn’t appreciate how lucky she is. Everything she gets she just looks for more and is never happy. Anything that goes wrong on her she always manages to somehow blame me. I always do what I can for her but it’s never enough. She is in her final year at school now and hopes to go to university afterwards and I hate to say it but I can’t wait for that just to have some calm in the house. I like you have had a terrible 2 years with illness and she never seemed to care then either. She stood at my bed in intensive care with very little emotion. She even managed to kick off then and had a tantrum about forgetting her mobile on the bus as if I could do anything about it and me barely conscious. She actually manages to mock me at time’s over it now if I try to discipline her. I am well now but am on medication and have to be reviewed for the next 10 years but she has never once asked me how I am. I really feel your pain but like you I have just lost interest and can’t wait to have my life back again. Best of luck with your girl

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Ammcg74 ,

It sounds like it's been a challenging couple of years with your daughter, and I can imagine it must have been incredibly hurtful for you to feel like she didn't care when you were so unwell. I'm so sorry you went through that.  Having verbal abuse from someone that you love, let alone your own daughter, is an awful feeling. 

You mention that your daughter has OCD, I'm just wondering if she's seeing a counsellor or a psychologist at the moment? While it is normal for teenagers to have shorter fuses than adults (our brains don't finish developing until we're 25, and unfortunately it can be pretty common for teenagers to have some times where they have bad impulse control and seem to go from 1-100 really easily), a counsellor or psych can help them to develop strategies for managing their anger, and learning to self-regulate. We have some good resources plus some apps that can be helpful here, if you're interested. 

It sounds like you've had to deal with a lot in the last couple of years, do you have a good support network/ people who can help you when needed? I know that as a parent it can be really hard to put ourselves first (I have 2 kids and I'm definitely guilty of this), but it's so important to take care of yourself. We do have a free one to one service for parents in Australia if you ever feel like chatting to someone, they're all experienced counsellors with a lot of experience helping parents with teenage kids.  That's here if you'd like to check it out. 

Sending lots of well wishes your way, you sound like a really resilient person and we hope that things improve for you soon. 

[Beatendown2]

I understand completely. I get this daily from my step daughter. Knowing i want alone and others face similar issues as I do helped me so much. Know you're not alone. I reading your post made me think that I could have written the very same from my daily life. Hugs to you

[Emily-RO]

Hi @Beatendown2 Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm sorry to hear that you're having some challenges with your step-daughter. You're definitely not alone and I'm glad that this community can help you feel supported.

[Jaggi]

Hi ! 

My daughter  17 years is exactly the same and her behavior is affecting my mental health so severely that I cannot focus much on anything else . 

After she turns 18 , can I just ask her to leave my house and withdraw all financial supports  . Will there be any legal implications on me if I do so ..........would you be able to tell me how you are coping up and what has worked for you ? 

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Jaggi,

Thank you for sharing this with us. We are so sorry to hear that your mental health is severly impacted by your daughter's behaviour. Please know that you are not alone, a lot of other parents have faced a similar situation. It is so difficult to manage your child's behaviour alongside your own needs. It can be beneficial to look after yourself by doing things you enjoy, seeking support from mental health professionals and spending time with family or friends. Do you have any support at the moment? You also mentioned your daughter living out of home when she turns 18. Does she have any support that might make the transition to living out of home easier? If you're wanting additional advice to inform your decision, you can contact Relationships Australia here or on 1800 050 321. We're here to listen

[OdliDPrincess]

I absolutely understand. This is something I hear on a daily basis from my stepdaughter. Knowing that I am not alone and that others are dealing with similar challenges as I am has greatly aided me. You are not alone. Reading your story made me realize that I could have written the same thing about my daily life.

Best wishes