Worries with 13 year old boy

[Dad4good]

Hi @Lan-RO,

We've struggled for many years with my son, however, we were able to get him a pediatrician and a psychologist (I was also able to get him into a special school).

These things took time, but it was not at crises point, so we could wait (although I admit at the time it felt like we couldn't wait).

However, things went to a whole new level in May this year. My son was admitted into a mental health hospital on a number of occasions and child protection became involved.

We desperately needed more services. I took 3 months off work to manage him, and it was only near the end of that time did we start getting the outpatient help that we needed.

In those 3 months, we went to the Emergency Department many times. I remember thinking "my son just hit me in front of the paramedics, and now they are sending me home with him. How am I going to protect my daughters from being exposed to this aggression". I hated that no one stood in to intervene, it really made you feel alone.

I hope things get better for you, and for all of the other parents who are on the waiting list . . .

[lizard0812]

@Dad4good so sorry you have been through all of this too. It’s correct you feel so incredibly alone and I feel very scared for us all. I don’t want to end up like a friend that was screaming out for help and ended up burying her child before help became available. I have taken plenty of time off work as has the ex. There just seems to be no end in site.

[lizard0812]

@Taylor-RO it is very distressing and I’m trying to keep it together for the family but it’s not easy. We have an app with headspace (which is hoyrvshd half away) for a intake next week I’m just hoping they don’t have long waiting Times as well but I’m thinking they probably do. It’s so very difficult to watch and to be in the middle of such a horrible situation and as a parent not be able to fix it. Again thanks for the support I just feel so alone through all of this and this at least makes me feel that somebody else understands

[Lan-RO]

Hi @lizard0812 I'm sorry to hear that things are spiralling out of control, it sounds like an incredibly difficult time for you and your family. I can only imagine the frustration of trying to get help but then being put on a wait list for months. @Taylor-RO's suggestion of contacting some local helplines would be a good option in terms of support during times of crisis. Lifeline also provide crisis support chat or you can call them. Do let us know how you go with Headspace, we're here for you 

[Lan-RO]

@Dad4good thank you for sharing your experience with us. I'm sorry to hear of the struggle you've had with your son, it must have been very isolating when no one was able to intervene during those three months. How are things going for you currently? We're here to listen and support you 

[Schooner]

Hi @lizard0812

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's shockingly hard, and there is not enough support for parents or the kids. 

We did a combination of private and public, like you. The wait times for first appointments are frustrating. I found that the public system try to assess your capacity as a carer to cope as well, so if you are struggling make sure they know it. Make sure they know you are on the edge. Keep showing up at emergency.

I don't know the answer. Hope you can keep going. Look after yourself.

Cheers

[Worrisome]

I hear you! It's hard getting support. I found that headspace etc were too busy, a system not coping. If you can afford the private path call lots of practices, leave your name on many waiting lists.  However they don't have a magic wand. It takes weeks for a relationship between your child and the psychiatrist to develop.  I found that all of the running around to appointments very stressful.  And my daughter's emotions are so eratic that most times she didn't have appointments on the days that we needed them most.   Did your son start high school this year?  My daughters issues began in high school.  I firmly believe the are too young to go to high school, they still need to feel protected at 13.  My daughter did not feel safe a high school.  I removed her when things were at there worst and did home schooling for a term and the change in her behavior was remarkable.  She now is Year 9 and started term 4 at a very small, all girls school.  Things are better than when she was in public school. Even though she attempted suicide again 2 weeks ago.  I find taking her for a walk helps at times... She seems to be able to talk and express herself better then.  I don't push and let her start the conversation. 

You just have to keep going, because you love them (even though you feel you are in an abusive relationship, with you being the victim)  my marriage is not in good shape because of all of this either. But you do need to look after yourself anyway you can.  Even if it is having 5 minutes sitting in the bathroom alone.  

[Dad4good]

Hi @lizard0812,

I completely agree with @Schooner advise about "keep letting everyone know that you are struggling".

Also, if you keep turning up to Emergency (again in line with @Schooner) the hospital will put you in contact with their outpatient services soon enough (they will actively try and reduce the burden on their own emergency department).

Looking back on it all now (from my own experience) the best thing to do is nag, nag, nag. In the early stages I let everyone know the problems (including child services), but I didn't keep nagging them. I waited for the appointments to come. I realized that the system was overrun, but didn't appreciate the fact that "nagging" is what helps your case stand out from the many others.

We ended up having to turn back services, because our son has too many. I wish I had nagged from the beginning . . .

Also, in the meantime, you may find parentline helpful. 

Best of luck

[lizard0812]

Well what a rollercoaster ride we have been on. It wasn’t the fun kind either. This is like a living nightmare. After a lot of grief and turmoil we are seeing a small amount of light at the end of that tunnel. How can two kids be so different from the same parents and the same upbringing. I thank you all for your support and wanted to update you. We had headspace app and got put on waiting list which they never used to have but apparently so many using the service now in small areas they can’t keep up. We have pulled DS from school for the rest of the year to give us all a break we just couldn’t keep going on like that anymore. We are slowly getting him the help he needs but it’s frustratingly slow.

[Schooner]

Hi @lizard0812,

Thanks for the update. I find I get a little invested in other people's stories, like yours, and it is nice to know how things are going, even if things are far from good. That light at the end of the tunnel can give you a real boost.

I think you are right to pull him out of school for the rest of the year. Much more important to have a break than finish off whatever it is they are doing. We did find the lack of routine a problem on the holidays, but it was a much needed recharge for all of us. Sorry to hear you have a wait for headspace too. We seem to have an epidemic of mental health issues in our teens, I don't know what we are doing wrong.

Cheers