daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Breez-RO-

This has been a tough week.  She is to be without her phone for 2 weeks.  My husband and I were originally thinking one month but in all honestly we knew we would only last 2 weeks without caving in.  And it was more important for use to follow thru the punishment the length of time.  Internet gets shut off at 9 pm just in case.

Right now I am feeling good about the relationship with her.  We show affection and she is not withdrawing from us.  Even small glimpse of family time here and there.  But I feel cheated by her and I know she is tricky.  It will be a  long time to earn back trust.

My husband is supportive to me but not of a feelings guy if you know what I mean.  We have not made time together and we are very overdue.  Its so easy to put all other relationships on the back burner sometimes.  I do feel like I am practicing more self care for myself.  So at least that is a step in the right direction.

PS:  My daughter made it through the first day of school yesterday!  With no phone and no anxiety attack.

[TOM-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom

Happy to hear your daughter made it through her first day of school! How was that for you?

Life sometimes gets in the way of focusing on certain relationships, but being aware is the first step on putting focus and time back on that relationship.Glad to hear your practicing self care, what are some things you find helpful in taking care of yourself? 

[taokat]

Hey @sunflowermom, I’m sorry to hear about your daughter sneaking a boy in for so long. I can imagine your trust must be broken, but admire how you talked with your daughter to find out what’s behind her actions. It’s not always easy to do when we’re feeling betrayed and upset.

It’s awesome you’ve thought about punishment in terms of what you are realistically going to be able to implement. 2 weeks without a phone for a teenager will hurt enough, they seem to have become another appendage lol. 

That must’ve been a huge relief seeing your daughter manage her first day of school so well. I hope she continues moving forward. There’ll always be the ups and downs but as long as the trajectory is in the right direction!

Self care is so important so I’m glad you’re including it more in your routine. I hope you and your hubby can also find some time to really reconnect. Do you have friends or relatives the girls can stay with so you can both get away for a weekend? 

[sunflowermom]

Hello

Its been such a difficult weekend.  My daughter has been sinking deeper back into depression. Although she went to school last week for the first time in a year.  She said Friday went bad....  but she would not elaborate.

Friday night she confided in me that its possible she may be pregnant from the boy she had been sneaking in the window all summer.  All though she was on birth control there may have been a few days lapse- I never imagined she was currently sexually active, I had her on birth control to help her periods. Well, pregnancy test came back negative however I think 2 weeks since last period may be too early to tell. 

I am at the end of my rope.  My tank is empty- I lied in bed most of yesterday fighting my own depression and despair.  In the morning I did try and use skills to do the opposite of how I felt- making breakfast, laundry...etc.  But then I couldn't take it anymore and retreated to my room.  I told my husband that I cant do this alone anymore.  He never shares emotions about anything nor does he take the lead with our daughter.

Tonight is family group where the 3 of us will attend.  Hopefully that goes well.  I have a therapist I see every 6 weeks so that's coming up in another 2 weeks.  I am just so empty it hurts.  Sometimes this hamster wheel of emotion is more than I can manage.

[Lan-RO]

Hi @sunflowermom I'm so sorry to hear it's been such a difficult weekend for you with the news about your daughter possibly being pregnant and your struggles with depression. It's important to take some time out to recharge, even if that means retreating to your room for a while. It's great that you have family group tonight and that you'll see your therapist in a couple of weeks. I'm wondering what other ways you can practice some self-care tonight in the mean-time? We're here to listen and support you

[sunflowermom]

Thank you @Lan-RO

Your kind words and support are so appreciated.  Family group went pretty good last night.  And we are pushing through.  We are trying to put together a short family outing next weekend we can get a change of scenery. I am hoping to have some new positive energy by then.  Sometimes it just takes a few days of practicing gratitude and taking extra naps and I somehow find my strength again.  

Thank you to this group for always supporting me

[1stressedmum]

Hi, im new to the site and i'm hoping i'll find strength and hope in reading your messages.

My 17 year old was released from emergency on Sunday from an attempted suicide. She has been self harming for 2 years now and she recently started seeing a councilor.

Why is it that once their patched and promise they won't do it again, that they are let free?

What am i to do?

She has gone to her councilor since coming home and informed me that she was going to move out of home.

Im lost! 

[gina-Ro]

Hello @1stressedmum, and a big welcome to the parent forum - really glad you've found hope and strength from reading through the posts. We have some incredibly resilient, wise, and inspiring parents sharing and supporting each other on here 

Thank you for sharing your experience with your 17yo daughter - it must be really painful for you to see her struggling with these things. That's great to hear she's started seeing a counsellor. 

It can be frustrating that hospitals discharge so quickly, and sometimes without a plan. 

Was the news of her wanting to move out of home a shock? Did she say more about why she wants to do that or what her plan is?

Do you have support for yourself through all of this too - your own counsellor, or others in your support network? 

We're here to listen. 

[1stressedmum]

Thank for the welcome. It’s good to share.
My daughter moved in to her boyfriends the week before. He too has his own emotional issues having been abandoned by his parents the year before. He lives in a friends garage which is how my daughter met him. The suicide attempt was triggered by his breaking up with her for the second time. So moving out on her own was a shock. I had only been making sense of her not wanting to live at home.
Seemingly at her age I have no rights over her.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @1stressedmum, it definitely is good to share. So your daughter is living with her boyfriend now or was that before she was hospitalised? It sounds like there is a lot going on for everyone and you are doing your best to try and manage the situation. If you feel like you have no rights over your daughter, sometimes it can be about ensuring they have the right support and resources around them instead. Do you think any of this is an option right now in addition to the counselor? I understand if your focus is on keeping your daughter safe at home. Maybe this might be something she could talk about with her counselor if she feels comfortable? It could help to hear it from someone else that home might be the better option for her well-being given how her boyfriend has effected her 

How are you able to catch a breath for yourself during all of this?