daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

[Zoesplace]

Hi @sunflowermom sounds like a heart breaking situation you are experiencing, especially when things were going well for your daughter. I applaud you for insisting on seeking your doctors advice in regards to your daughters medication.  My daughter went off her meds cold-turkey without our knowledge and without her doctors guidance and it set her illness backwards in the worst possible way. My daughter is back on her meds (a higher dose than before) Her illness is now being managed and things are finally good for her. It took a while to get to where we are today... but we survived and made it out the other end Ok.  I can sense the love you have for your daughter, and can appreciate the exhaustion and despair you are experiencing.  Please find a way to look after yourself (something I did not do well) I would have really benefited from talking to someone about what was going on - whether that be a professional or friend. Please continue to use the Reach Out forums for support. Sending love to you and your family  

[Sister]

Wonderful post Zoesplace! How great is it that in hindsight we can see what we could have done at the time but didn't?

However.....we can use these lessons and experiences to help

others right now.

Thats great that you have your daughter stabilised on medication and I hope she/you are feeling a lot better. However, aside from this forum, are you currently opening up to a friend or professional or don't you feel the need to?

[Zoesplace]

Thanks for the reply @Sister Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it and you never stop learning.  It is easy to look back and reflect on how to do things differently when you are not in the middle of stress and chaos.  Everything is good for us now, so I don't feel the need to talk to anyone at the moment, however it is something I wish I did at the time. Thank you for asking

[Sister]

Take Care of yourself, Zoesplace. As much as I hope things continue to stay calm for you and your daughter.........still reach out. Even in the good times.

Sister

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Sister, @Zoesplace, @Nick-RO

Thank you for the encouragement yesterday- I really needed it!  Even though here I feel a little lost and alone at times I turn to this site and realize through all your kind words that I am not alone.  Its the most comforting feeling I could have.  Many others have been on this type of journey and come out the other end ok.

Yesterday afternoon and through the day went much better, I took her swimming while I got to enjoy a yoga class( little bits of exercise is helping take care of me) we even did a bit of shopping.  I watched her interact with her 10 year old sister last night.  It felt wonderful.  I love the glimpses of my "old" daughter and the small sense of normalcy.  If and when things derail again, I must remember its not permanent, and this too shall pass. Thanks again!

[taokat]

Hey @sunflowermom, I love the replies given and am so glad you come here for support. You're not alone, and sharing with others who get it is something money can't buy I've found.

I'm relieved for you that things improved during the day. It would've been so heartwarming seeing your girls like that. Really enjoy those times because they are so precious when our kids are struggling and not really themselves 

Your awareness is amazing, and as much as the heart and head drops when things seem to go backwards, knowing that it will pass can really help us push through and hang on to hope 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @taokat

I agree the support here is so amazing.  I look forward to the comments and replies so much.  It gets me through some pretty dark times.

I know its one day at a time for so many of us.  All the little things matter.  I loved watching my daughter actually help the little one with her homework last night.  Completely out of the blue.

My daughter had teen group last night and afterwards talked to me about giving her more privacy like allowing her to keep her bedroom door closed and not checking up on her every 15 minutes when she was in the bathroom.  It hurt to hear that she thinks I am so over bearing.  But I was happy for the communication.  I am scared of a bad outcome but I will allow for more trust and privacy.  I just don't know what I will do if she completely shuts me out but hopefully we are not headed in that direction.

[taokat]

That's just so lovely @sunflowermom. I'm sure your younger daughter loved having her sister help her too. And you're so right - all the little things matter  

It can be really hard, and scary sometimes, letting go and giving that privacy, but from my experiences with my daughter it has actually been beneficial to our relationship. And even more amazingly I've got to know her really well and find out what a switched on being she's become. In saying that, I do think the exception to that privacy has to be stated - if times have been tough and you're really concerned for her physical safety, you will be coming in to check on her. My daughter was accepting and understanding about that, so it works well. 

It's great that your daughter was able to communicate with you. It can really hurt hearing what they have to say sometimes. We've been doing the best we can and we love them so much, so I think it's completely normal. The positive to it as that it gives us something we can work with. 

With lines of communication open I really don't believe your daughter will shut you out, and I hope my experience can give you some hope around that. 

Within reasonable boundaries, giving our kids a bit more space shows them we trust them and believe they are capable of managing, which does wonders for them and for our relationship with them. My daughter has her door shut, and I respect her privacy by knocking a couple of times on the door, but then I go in, I don't wait for her permission to enter so to speak. It's a compromise, but a fair one I think. I'm still mum!

[sunflowermom]

Hi @taokat

Thank you for your awesome feedback and experience around giving my daughter more privacy.  I am still nervous about the door being closed  but I think you had a great idea for me....knocking a couple times but then don't wait for permission to enter.  I think If I talk about it ahead of time with her like you have with your daughter she will understand and be more accepting.  

[Breez-RO]

@sunflowermom please let us know how you go with the new approach suggested by @taokat. Keen to stay connected with your journey How are you feeling today?