feel like my teen is being pushed aside by so called friends

[germ4]

hi . maybe  this is more my problem then my teenager but she is in a camp this week with so called friends anyway i dropped her and all the other friends were dropped by one of the parents . i feel she has always been left out from the group as she doesnt always like what they like. anyway i felt very angry as i think personally it made it very obvious to be shes not as much a friend. now maybe im seeing more into it but what do you think. its not the first time it has happened. now my daughter says shes ok and happy so maybe im taking it more personally then she is . thanks

[germ4 · Accepted solution]

thank you all for your replys. i have calmed down more today . i think it is more that i see it and feel it rather then my daughter. i was bullied when i was younger and it obviously still effects me and i suppose im watching my daughter and my son in those eyes . she has broaden her circle of friends so she doesnt have to rely on these girls which is good. last night we talked for the first time in ages a proper talk and she said she feels she doesnt have much in commen with these girls and shes happy so its time for me to try and put the big girl pants on and cut a little of the apron strings . thank you again

[Breez-RO]

Hey there @germ4 welcome to ReachOut Parents! Great job on finding us you will find a great group of other like minded parents on the forum who can provide support with you and your daughter.

Just want to make sure I understand fully - You feel as though your daughter's friends don't have her best interest at heart? And you feel protective and upset by this, but your daughter is okay with it?

Let me know if I have got this right then we can go from there  

[germ4]

yes she seems fine . it must hurt alittle . i think its more that i see whats happening and it hurts me that she feels she has to find different friends to feel she fits in . i suppose im taking it personnally not her

[PrepareMyKid]

germ4 ... unfortunately, this kind of thing happens in life... I'm a huge believer in communicating, but doing so without accusing or blaming anyone.

On one hand, you have some resentment about the situation, so you might consider asking the other parent if there's a reason they don't include your daughter (without blaming them or acting upset).

On the other hand... if your daughter doesn't mind or notice, it could be better not to bring anything up and plant any seeds in her head or create a perspective that she doesn't have.

If you choose not to communicate with the other parents... don't mention it to your daughter... I think adults can take things more personal than kids sometimes.


I hope that helps!

[LovingThruBlue]

Hi @germ4. It's so hard to see your kids go through something like that. I like @PrepareMyKids response and don't have much more to offer that that at this point except a virtual hug because being a parent hurts sometimes. 

[Beingme2017]

Welcome @germ4

I can really relate as I am very internally protective of my kids and feel very hurt when I feel like they are not being accepted or treated as well as their peers in a social situation etc.

Neither of my kids are great social beings. My daughter has struggled with anxiety and therefore with friendships as a lot of it is social anxiety as well as lower self esteem. It was essentially all through primary school that I saw her gravitating towards the boys because she could be more herself there instead of being excluded by the cliquey girls.

Now she is in year 10 and has a big group of friends but still goes through situations where she feels like other people get invited to things she didn't etc.   Now I worry less. She will be ok

But when she was younger it really hurt. Me. And of course it hurts - our kids seem to feel like they are part of us so if they are being left out it really cuts deep I think

Sometimes a child who is not like the majority of kids really notices but other times I think they are ok with it. Maybe in a round about way see if you can gauge if that was perhaps a one off with the camp car pooling, or if a few things happen like that.

Are you friends with any of the other mums, or at least close enough to maybe start off a general chat about the girls friendships? See what you can tell there.

There are times I have found my daughter has been upset about a situation that last week was someone else feeling the exact same way. Friends and peers are so important.

Another thing I found was useful was to really try and generate friendships that are not school based - so if she does activities maybe if she is friendly with someone there they can hang out etc? Just makes their world a bit wider than just school.  And if they have a bad day at school they still have people they can call friends.

Its really really hard.

[germ4 · Accepted solution]

thank you all for your replys. i have calmed down more today . i think it is more that i see it and feel it rather then my daughter. i was bullied when i was younger and it obviously still effects me and i suppose im watching my daughter and my son in those eyes . she has broaden her circle of friends so she doesnt have to rely on these girls which is good. last night we talked for the first time in ages a proper talk and she said she feels she doesnt have much in commen with these girls and shes happy so its time for me to try and put the big girl pants on and cut a little of the apron strings . thank you again