11 year old son has told me his bisexual

[Supportivemama]

My 11 year old son came out to me this week and told me his bisexual. He told me he likes a boy in his class and that this is the first time he has ever felt like this about a boy.
I’m very supportive of him and have always brought him up to feel he can be whoever he wants and that he can speak to me or his dad about anything.
This is all so new for me and I’m just wondering if any parents have dealt with their kids coming out so young.
Thank you

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Supportivemama ,

Firstly, it's so incredible to hear that you're supportive. It can definitely be a really confusing time as kids go into puberty and really start to explore all there is. I want to highlight how wonderful it is that your son felt comfortable in telling you. It means they have so much trust, and that's a testament to you being a great mother.

Secondly, I can't speak from personal experience around dealing with the circumstance, but I'm curious, what kind of questions do you feel are in your headspace? Raising children, as I'm sure you know, is a very fluid process, and there's no objectively right way in parenting. But it can definitely feel confusing. Have you and their dad talked about it?

Sounds like quite a journey, but I'm sure you'll show love every step of the way. 

[Supportivemama]

Hi @TOM-RO,

Thank you for the reply.

I guess I’m just curious on what other parents experiences have been. I sometimes feel like his still too young, but to be honest I feel like I have always known.

My husband and I have spoken about it all and I think his just a little in shock still hasn’t quiet wrapped his brain around it all. But his a great dad open minded I think his biggest worry is how others will treat him. The world unfortunately is not always a great place and people aren’t always open minded I guess as a parent you just always worry and want to protect your kids.

[Sophia-RO]

Hi @Supportivemama I can understand your concerns about your son and how others might treat him and think that this shows how caring and supportive you are of your son. It is really awesome to hear that his dad is open minded and supportive too .

I also understand your desire to want to hear about some other parent's experiences, so I have looked through and found some posts that you might find to be helpful. Here is a thread about supporting teens with their sexuality and here is a thread from a parent who's daughter has let them know they are pansexual. Hope this helps! 

[ConfusedMomma78]

My 11yr old son came out to me 3 days ago. I have no advice because this is new to me as well. I made sure to let him know that I love and support him no matter what. That whoever he ends up with needs to make him happy and treat him right. That's all that matters. I am also reaching out to a couple of my gay friends that I consider brothers so that if my son ever just needs a friend to talk to that understands his struggle more than me, he has it. I want to give him as much of a support system as possible. I never want him to feel that he needs to hide who he is. So if you have found any other ways of helping your son, please let me know. Thank you for being an amazing parent.

[Portia_RO]

Hi @ConfusedMomma78 , I just wanted to chime in and thank you for your thoughtful peer support here - it warms my heart to see the way that you have supported your son and accepted him with open arms. As an LGBTQIA+ young person myself, I can assure you that sometimes having one supportive adult in your life who accepts you for who you are can truly make all the difference. 

That's such a great idea to reach out to your gay friends so that your son has other queer men to talk to and look up to. It sounds like you're really in tune with what his needs might be and that you're doing everything in your power to make sure that he feels supported. 

I also wanted to check in and see how you are doing, @ConfusedMomma78 . I know that sometimes when a young person comes out to their family, it can come as a bit of a surprise or a shock, regardless of their attitudes towards their sexuality itself. Did you find it helpful to have a chat with your friends about what's been going on with your son? 

[MarieVelentine]

Hi wow this hit home today. My son is 9 years old and just told me that he likes boys and girls. I’ve been seeing and thinking he may be gay for the last 4 weeks. Well today the convo came first when I asked him if a little boy that we know told him he was gay. (I have always told my son daughter they can be whatever and whoever they want if that’s what makes them happy. )And he said yes the boy who is like 11 told him he was gay. (This boy yo has a lesbian and a gay brother) So I asked him what do you think about that he said he thought it was fine. Within that conversation I asked him about him. and he said he likes both. I am totally for it. but like many parents I’m so concerned of how mean others can be . And being part of the LGBTQ community I’m a lesbian. I feel sad for him as I went through soooo much. And that was years of not being able to be myself. It takes years! And even then it could be hard.

[Supportivemama]

Hi @ConfusedMomma78
It’s beautiful to see how brave these young kids now are and how much more confident they are in expressing who they are.
I have definitely noticed this with my son as he talks a lot about his group of friends and how open minded kids are these days.
It’s great that you have friends that are able to give you advice and guidance. For me I’m honestly just learning as I go along and just making sure that he knows I’m here for a chat always.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @MarieVelentine,

Thanks for sharing your story. It’s great to hear that you were able to have this conversation with your son in an open, understanding and non-judgemental manner. It sounds like your son was quite comfortable sharing with you and that is an important aspect of any parent-child relationship. Your concerns about how difficult it can be to be apart of the LGBTQIA+ community are totally valid. As you mentioned, you are speaking from your own experience which sounds like it was quite challenging for you. Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you have had negative experiences and that it took years to be able to be who you are. Secondly, I’m wondering if there is anything that you have learnt from your experience that you could bring into your role as a parent?

Hi @Supportivemama,

Thank you for stepping in to share how you’ve been dealing with this situation. It can be so valuable to hear from other people who have been through a similar thing. It’s great that your son and his friends are open minded. You’ve mentioned that you are learning as you go and have made sure your son knows that you are available to chat. It might not seem like much but that is a great approach and sometimes all you can do when you are managing something for the first time.

A question I would ask both of you is whether your sons have any supports at the moment? Whether that be from a health professional, counsellor or psychologist? Sometimes it can help to have someone to talk to if things get tough.

[Christina7]

Omg mine too! I want to make sure I’m supporting in all the right ways but I don’t even know where to start