Co-Parenting Issue

[Mssassy]

Yes we both have an iPhone that we communicate on.

[taokat]

Hey @Mssassy, just checking in to see if you were able to chat with your son today about choosing a different communication platform? 

It must be lovely having him home with you. I hope you've had an awesome day with him. Do you have 50-50 custody?

[Taylor-RO]

Awesome @Mssassy, I was wondering about this because if you both have an Apple ID, you can share a note on the iCloud which can be locked with a password and TouchID. It might not serve well for a messaging platform but could perhaps be appropriate for reminders

I am not sure whether this is suitable for your situation but could be a consideration if you troubleshoot any arising issues.

[babyvine]

Hi @Mssassy Invading one's privacy is such a rude act. I’m sorry to hear about your issue but I think the best solution is to communicate with them about what you really feel. I hope you’ll be fine soon.

[mariajanes]

Mssassy, this situation occurs with many parents. One thing you can do is to divert his mind and put his energy in to some productive tasks like sports, gym, or any hobby. This will encourage him to talk to you directly when he feels happy spending time at a productive task. You can give some rewards also after completion of tasks to him.

[Justamum]

Hi there really needing help!
Me and my kids dad have a great friendship we from time to time do theme parks toghter, have dinner,attend all schooling activities toghter, have a cuppa if time at drop off. We both agree we are better off seperated and no boundries have ever been crossed its hard becuase he lives an hour away so im happy to tell him if im up that way with kids to stop in or do something toghter! (Not that often) i mean me and kids and there dad not me and ex . me and my bf have been toghter almost 2 years and he hates that i do things with him and the kids he says we need boundries only special events should we see each other birthdays etc... my ex husband tried to get him involved and so have i but he refuses he thinks something will happen when me and kids dad are toghter. Ive told him many many times and shown him i love him and wany him to see how me and kids dad act toghter so he knows there is nothing beetwen us! Please help

[Justamum]

Hi there really needing help!
Me and my kids dad have a great friendship we from time to time do theme parks toghter, have dinner,attend all schooling activities toghter, have a cuppa if time at drop off. We both agree we are better off seperated and no boundries have ever been crossed its hard becuase he lives an hour away so im happy to tell him if im up that way with kids to stop in or do something toghter! (Not that often) i mean me and kids and there dad not me and ex . me and my bf have been toghter almost 2 years and he hates that i do things with him and the kids he says we need boundries only special events should we see each other birthdays etc... my ex husband tried to get him involved and so have i but he refuses he thinks something will happen when me and kids dad are toghter. Ive told him many many times and shown him i love him and wany him to see how me and kids dad act toghter so he knows there is nothing beetwen us! Please help

[Mssassy]

Hi Justamum,
It is a very hard situation for you to be and I’ve had similar situation arise. I’m close with my ex-husbands young children (my two children’s younger step brothers). My partner expressed how uncomfortable it made him when we did things together with my ex and his new family.

These activities are out of friendship between my kids step mum and myself but also for the kids as well. I reassured my partner that there is nothing to be threatened about from this. The last person I would want to be with is my ex-husband. But I understand how it can make him feel at times.

However my personal opinion is that the kids seeing a cohesive family unit is more important than the insecurities my partner feels during these times. For me it’s basically not negotiable because in this situation the kids needs come first.

Is it possible to understand what boundaries your partner feels are appropriate and than you can if these boundaries work for you and your relationship?

[Jay-RO]

Hi there @Justamum and welcome to ReachOut

It's wonderful to hear that you still have a great friendship with your kids dad. As @Mssassy has already said, it can be so helpful for kids to see both of their parents being able to get along. For some couples, separating can be difficult on both parties and the kids, but it sounds like you both did what was best for you and it sounds like it's going well

I'm sorry to hear that your partner doesn't like that you do things with your ex. Often, as you've said, partners can believe that something will happen and it can be difficult to help them understand. Perhaps it might help if your partner organises a gathering? Sometimes being in control of the location and event can help ease the anxiety of a meeting. What do you think?

It can also help to talk to other people, such as a professional, about what's going on. Do you think that's something you or your partner would be interested in?

I'm also going to tag in some other users for their support  @taokat @sunflowermom @Happy @Schooner @compassion @Faob_1