Spoiled children

[sveta]

HI,everybody! I have two wonderful granddaughters 8 and 13 years old.I think my son spoils them. He loves them so much and can’t refuse them anything. So, they don’t understand value of money and how hard it is to earn money.I love all of them,but I don’t want them to be spoiled. Should I talk to my my son and his wife or it is not my business.

P.S.my son works hard but he doesn't have enough time to educate his girls.

[taokat]

Hi @sveta, thank you for joining the forum. You sound like a very loving grandparent and the girls are lucky you have their best interests at heart. 

I think it all depends on your family dynamics with your son and his family. Have you had any other conversations with your son and his wife about parenting? Do you have any sense of how they may react? I get the feeling the last thing you want is conflict, which is understandable.

My brother and I are both in our late 40's and mum is always sharing her opinion, and rationale behind it, with us. She knows we will hear her out then will make our own decision. She and I have very different views on parenting, but I will listen to her suggestions and thoughts and she respects my final decision. My mum's a wise woman, so I like listening to her. We all sometimes have a laugh about mum's tactics - including mum! She'll ring the other sibling and try and convince them why her idea best, and try and get us to talk the other into it. 

Every family is different though. When you think about talking to them about it, what feeling do you get in the pit of your stomach?

[Beingme2017]

Hi @sveta, I agree with @taokat you sound like a very loving Grandmother

Its great that you recognise it is a sensitive area - I can sense your hesitation and swinging between wanting to say something but also being aware of the boundaries - its certainly tricky isn't it?

I was wondering what is your relationship like with your daughter in law? Or is your communication usually with your son? And in the past, have you had fairly open conversations with either or both of them about issues in general? 

I guess as their grandmother, you can make the opportunity to teach them in your own ways about appreciating money etc, by perhaps talking about your own experiences of say working, saving, and opening their eyes to the fact that not everyone has the same opportunities etc?

As the saying goes, it takes a village - do you think that could be something you could do? That way you know they are getting other views and perspectives on that issue besides from their Mum and Dad?

[Beingme2017]

Hi @sveta how have you been ? just wondering if you've had a chance to pop back in here ? Have you been spending much time with the grandkids during the school holidays ?

Hope you're well

[Lily17]

I think sometimes rather than speaking about an issue that obviously is upsetting as you want for granddaughters to understand there is no money tree in the back yard that sometimes you can change in your own ways to teach kids the value of money, life, etc by the conversations that you have. Kids can be very receptive to their grandparents and what they tell them and believe it or not they do actually remember even though you may think they aren't listening. 8 in particular is a great age to decipher the values.

It may agitate your son as you say he does work hard but working hard doesn't teach kids the importance of life. That is where you come in.

Communication and the different ways we were bought up can make an impact and stretch their brains to allow other information in the gate.

Our lives today are so minute - media, media and more. No neighbours, no family time no personal guidance, where do our kids learn about basics.

Let's face it communication one on one is pretty rare.  I grew up with my grandparents my children have been brought up similarly. Comparing money from then until now is totally relevant.

I compare lollies. For 10 cents we got so many lollies they overflowed.

Now you'd be lucky to get one they say. Wish we grew up when you did mum..

To my reply was I don't think so you couldn't cope .. they look at me like I have 2 heads but I say no tv, no Ipad etc.. they nod as the communication gets through and comes up whenever money issues arise.

Your knowledge and education is tenfold by sharing with them everyone has different opinions and yours is just as worthy as your sons.

[Nancy0115]

Many kids never learn about money, investing, or saving.  I think if we could teach our kids financial literacy, they would build good habits and could be really successful.  I was fortunate enough to have some mentors that taught me, and I always try to pay it forward and help teach kids about retirement, investing, and managing money so they won’t get in trouble. 

Look at the difference in money if someone waits just 5 years to start saving

[Breez-RO]

Totally agree @Nancy0115! Would be so helpful to have a basic understanding early on.

[Breez-RO]

Also welcome to our forums @Nancy0115  I hope you get a tonne of support from other parents on here and can share your own journey. Just a heads up I edited your post as we cannot link to commercial websites on this forum, you can read all about it in the guidelines here.

[Ngaio-RO]

Hey @Nancy0115 Just to clarify what @Breez-RO was saying:

there's a guideline that says if any member wants to link to an external website they need to email for permission first. This is mostly to stop people coming here and using this community as a potential customer base. It would very quickly stop feeling like a safe space if every other post was someone highlighting the benefits of their product. But, it can be a bit of a bummer for people like yourself who are trying to illustrate a point.

One easy way around it is to pull out the bit you're referring to and just add it to your post as content.

Don't forget, if at any time you feel unsure about how you can achieve what you are trying to achieve you can ask me or @Breez-RO or any of the Parent Peer Supporters - you can tell them by what it says under their names. Here's an example.

So, here is a graphic from the website you mentioned showing the difference in total amounts when you start saving early.

 I hope this captures the point you were making.