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[squirell008]

Hi everyone,

I found this website after some googling (Where would we be without it right?) 

Just feeling frustrated, alone and a little gloomy. 

I have x2 12 year olds who are totally amazing. My daughter is neurotypical, however my son is currently undergoing assessment for ADHD and possible some ASD 

He is just as funny, smart and amazing as my daughter however he struggles with so many aspects of life that Im sure we all take for granted. I never wanted to get him assessed as I didnt feel the need for labels however he is high-school next year and now I feel like having a diagnosis will help not only the school deal with him but all of us. Not sure what I am seeing here, maybe just someone to talk to and hopefully read from someone else who may be in a similar situation as me. 

I'm from Tassie and there doesnt seem to be many support groups/information although I possibly am not looking in the right areas either!? 

Thanks for listening  

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @squirell008,

We are so glad you have found our forums! Welcome I am really sorry to hear that your son is struggling at the moment. It can be difficult to see your children face challenges in life, particularly if a condition is getting in the way. You mentioned feeling frustrated. It sounds like things are really hard for you as a parent right now. Do you want to share more about what that looks like? It sounds like there is a lot of tension in your family at the moment - have I got that right? 

I know it might be hard to feel these words in your heart but please know that you are not alone. We have other threads created by parents here which you might find comfort in reading. It can help to read that others have been in similar situations. I have done a Google search and found the ADHD Foundation which has a national helpline which might have helpful support or resources. There are also some local services which I found here and here, however I don't know how relevant they are to you.

Please feel most welcome to report back here  

[squirell008]

Hi @Taylor-RO 

Thanks so much for the reply - it is really heartening to be heard!

I checked out the links and yes they are very helpful! Looks like there is some online education/support groups which I am going to follow up. 

Feeling much more optimistic

I think for me the frustrating part is not so much my son's behaviour itself, its rather my lack of dealing with it. I'm guilty of growling at him for asking for the 10th time what the plans are for the day, or why he keeps forgetting to do certain jobs. It somehow seems harder when his sister is so opposite. We know we shouldn't compare children but the contrast is at times difficult. I just need to remind myself that he IS different. And simply telling him to "try harder" doesn't work. It's hard too in that his sister gets frustrated and although she is very forgiving and understanding she too can only take so much. 

I look forward to reading and learning more as I feel like the more we as a family can manage our OWN behaviour then it will benefit all of us

[TassieMama]

I have a similar issue with my daughter, who is 16 and is so anxious that she cannot bring herself to get to school any more. I feels so frustrated as she is so confident in other aspects of life, she volunteers and has a casual job. She only has one term of school left before yr 11 and 12, and has aspirations for further study. Her dad and I can’t help but worry that these goals are going to be so much more difficult if she can’t get to school this year. Her dad in particular has spent SO much time and encouraging, supporting, persuading and just spending time with her, he’s burnt-out and is just frustrated and angry now. I’m caught in the middle of agreeing with him when he vents and trying to still show support for her- it’s so hard and we’re exhausted! We also don’t know what else to do to support our daughter in getting to school. She’s on medication for anxiety and seeing a psychologist, but it doesn’t seem to be helping.
Just knowing we’re not alone helps so much!
Thanks all 😀

[squirell008]

I'm sure there was fine print somewhere when we became parents saying something like "This isnt as easy as it looks!" but if so I know I certainly didnt bother to read it! 

I can only imagine how difficult it must be with a 16 year old. Different sets of challenges and hurdles. 

Are you and her father doing something to help yourselves? (Typical thing to do though isnt it as parents to continually put yourself last) I know that our relationship has been strained a lot in the last few years. We tend to agree on most things especially how we parent but just the constant pressure of managing behaviour and always watching/reminding/cautioning/assisting....its draining. 

I've taken to doing a gym class every Sunday morning and this has now become a really healthy habbit for not just me but the whole family. It's early so I leave while they get a sleep in, I grab a coffee on my way home so I start the day feeling great. Energised. Calm. And I think my good mood rubs off on everyone else. 

Doesnt always work that way I know but we can only hope and keep trying

And no you and I are certainly not alone!

[Birdwings]

You're definitely not alone, and sometimes I wonder why schools don't communicate with parents on school refusal as a broader issue and not just about your child. I'm on the P & C at the school and they're holding a draw for an apple i phone for people with good attendance because attendance is such a problem. I don't know that stats but the covid lockdowns can't have helped and for students who didn't like going to school before, it gave them a breather and a feel of what it was like to be away. 

Since others have addressed self-care, I thought I'd touch on some alternatives to doing HSC or your state equivalent via school. Here in NSW there is a one year TAFE course to get our HSC and ATAR. That really suits some people better than the whole school system. There's also distance education. 

School doesn't necessarily reflect the real world and kids are thrown together in large numbers and if you prefer your own space, that can be very daunting. I still remember how stressful it can be just having someone to sit with, especially if your bestie is away. My daughter is also 16 and she seeming ticks the boxes and yet she's not one of the most popular girls and there's that intimidation. The whole pecking order thing and having to be a certain way can be really difficult and I know my daughter just tries to fly under the radar and has a close group of friends. She misses a fair bit of school through health issues and our son left school in March of year 12 and is still in limbo but volunteering at church. 

I was at my old school fete last week and there was a poster on the wall for September with something the students could do for self-care every day like going for a walk, massage, phone a friend. They also had a poster showing activities which charge your batteries and thing that drain them, which was very interesting. 

I hope that helps.

Best wishes,

Birdwings

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @squirell008 @TassieMama and @Birdwings 

I want to stop by to say how nice it is to see you all connecting and sharing your experiences with school challenges. As you've all mentioned, you are not alone with this, and while it doesn't magically fix the situation, it is comforting to chat with others who know the struggle. 

I also thought sharing a thread we've created about school refusal might be helpful. Click here to check it out. It's packed with articles, professional advice and other parents' stories. 

[dreamz4u]

I am Anupam from India. I am the father of a 15 year old boy. I teach undergrads in a college. I want to share my experience with other parents regrading the problems and joys of bringing up a child. I also want suggestions from other parents as to how best can I, as a father, help my child grow in a positive way.

[KariBJ]

Hey thanks for welcoming me to this group. I’m a mum of 2 daughters. 1 lives with me 50/50 and 1 chose to live with her dad 2 years ago. It’s been a long tough road, have learnt so much during this time, even how strong I am. Felt like I failed as a parent was super hard on myself. Can anyone relate?

[Hannah_RO]

Hey there @KariBJ! Welcome to the ReachOut Forums, it’s lovely to have you here 

Thank you for sharing a bit about your family and situation with us, it sounds like things have been tough over the last few years.

It's nice to hear that amongst it all, you have learnt a few things about yourself along the way, like how strong you are!

We hope you find some other parents on here that you can relate to. Please feel free to create your own thread if you’re looking for advice or to talk about anything in particular