Topical Tuesday - How to help your teen if they self-harm

[sunflowermom]

Hello
We have been dealing with it for over a year. It has been happening less often. It used to be almost daily and now is less than once a month. One turning point for us was getting her to go a whole month without harming. So She could see it could be done. We bribed her with a nose piercing. I'm not suggesting that for everyone. I'm just saying if you can get them to go longer times in between it helps them break their addiction to the habit.
My daughter spends tons of time in her room and only really comes out if she needs something. I have learned to be ok with that. The days of total interaction like when she was 10 years old are long gone. But she is warm, safe and fed and sleeping in her own bed. That gives me the comfort I need and brings me hope.

[gina-Ro]

Hi there @Mazz123, I'm glad to hear reading through some of the other experiences here has been helpful - It sounds like things have been exhausting for you with your teen. 

Glad to hear she is getting some help 

Are you getting any support for yourself as well? It's not easy supporting a young person who self-harms, and getting support yourself is important. 

Let us know how things are going 

[gina-Ro]

Thank you for sharing @sunflowermom. 

I think your point about setting achievable intervals of time is a good one - and a reward at the end is a great idea! 

Having an incentive to break the habit is really powerful. 

You're doing an incredible job supporting your daughter, one day at a time 

[Oceanmom]

Hello - my first post here - trying to find support online as my 13!yr old has now self harmed 4 or 5 times In 5 months. I am heart broken, scared ( that she will ha e scars that will impact job chances how people perceive her etc), and just feel sick about it. The last three tones have bee closer together - escalating? Each time she told me until this tile when I guessed due to some
Evidence. She reluctantly confirmed. Says she has bad thoughts about herself amd then does this. She has adhd and anxiety and trauma impacts due to medical treatment when young. Struggles with friendships/ social
Stuff. She is starting to see counselor. But early days. I ha e seem someone for help briefly but not sure is right person. How do you cope with your own feelings - I am single parent and little family and just feel like I want to crawl in a hole and cover it up. This is never what I imagined having to deal with/ where we would be. I know one day at a time
But I can barely breathe right now myself. How do you manage yourselves through this?

[sunflowermom]

Hi Oceanmom
I know that feeling you are describing. I understand that all the air has been sucked out of you. My daughter self harmed for about 1 1/2 years. For her it escalated unto almost every other day. There was a time she could never imagine stopping. But finally she did. It took lots of therapy and learning other coping methods. We also attended family group to learn to manage better together. That part really helped me week to week. I also learned everything I could about self harm to gain perspective. I also came to terms with my daughter's scars. Yes, she mostly wears long sleeves now, but she is beautiful and she had come so far in her journey. They don't define her, they will fade over time. But I did have to let go of that fear of how others perceive her.
Hugs You are not alone. Keep reaching out on this site. It helps💟💟💟

[Dakotah]

Hi my daughter is also 13 years of age and self harms most days , she is in therapy and we have good days and bad days, I have my bad days and sometimes it gets too much and I have a good cry, I take solace in knowing I am doing everything I can including therapy supplements and diet, we got a dog and that is helping as she has to walk him which is getting her out of the house , I have a great support network at my gym and my work . I make sure I don’t freak when I see her self harm, I don’t force conversations and listen without judging and try to understand , I wish she could see herself as I do but I think it’s hornonal , it all started when she got her period and I hope she will come thru the other side of it, just know you’re doing an amazing job

[Fred-RO]

Hi @Oceanmom and welcome to the forum - thank you for posting about your daughter, it must be a really scary and painful situation for you. 

It sounds like you are being amazingly supportive and caring towards your daughter through this - that she is seeing a counsellor is a great first step. Is your daughter open to getting help? 

It is so important that you get help and support through this too - it sounds like you've been dealing with so much on your own - that must be so tough.
Is the person you are seeing for help a counsellor as well? It might be worth giving them a few sessions before deciding if they are the right fit for your or not?  

We are all here to listen and support you as well - there are many other parents going through similar situations - I hope hearing from @Dakotah and @sunflowermom has given you some hope and solidarity. You're not alone 

[Fred-RO]

Thank you @Dakotah for some really amazing advice from your experience-  and for sharing all of these things that are helping you get through such a painful experience. 

Self-harm is not something any parent could feel prepared to deal with - and yet all of you are doing such an incredible job of supporting your daughters, and each other.

[Tomorrow]

I recently discovered that my 15 year old daughter has been self harming again (used to do it earlier this year but had stopped). I’m glad to see that I think I reacted the right way by not over reacting but honestly it terrifies me to know that she is so unhappy. She has been seeing a psychologist all year but doesn’t seem to have helped a lot. We Made the decision to try medication last week which I have always resisted but felt we had to try. I am interested to see people talk about a kitchen adjustment- how do you do that without getting rid of necessary cooking things and making it obvious that things are being hidden?

[Bre-RO]

Hi @Tomorrow 

Thank you for coming here to get some support with this situation. It must be so hard for you to see your daughter go through the experience of self harm. It sounds like you taken some huge steps to support your daughter and are looking at all options. 

I'd also be interested to see what other parent's tips are around kitchen adjustments. I'm wondering if yourself and your daughter have ever had a conversation about alternatives to self harm? Here is an article we have for young people who are self harming - could be good to read/suggest to your daughter. 

Also, I just wanted to see if you have any support available to you right now? Friends, family or even a counsellor?