I hate being a parent

[AudreyRose-94]

My daughter is 5, and don’t get me wrong. I do love her, I just hate being a parent. Her father and I split November 2019 and have been on my own since. He didn’t do much in the way of raising her (part of the reason we split) but at least there was another adult there to talk to. I do family daycare so I work from home, I’ve been doing this since she was 6 months old, and started doing it so that I could get the whole “stay at home mum” experience and still earn some income. I love my job and I love my daycare children as if they where my own. But come 4pm when the last child leaves I’m so emotionally drained from being “switched on”, and just yearn to be left alone. And the minute the last child leaves she’s demanding my attention, I don’t blame her I can imagine it would be hard to have to share mum with other kid’s. She is completely involved with all the other children in the learning and activities we do during the day, and I spend one on one time with her while the daycare babies nap in the middle of the day.

A few weeks ago my parents had her for a week so I could have a break. And I feel guilty saying that it was the best week I’ve had in a long time. Yes I did miss her, and we face timed every night to talk about her day and to say goodnight. But it was peaceful.

I don’t know if it’s the stress of having to stay home all the time now, or what but I’m really not coping with being a parent. I look at other parents and feel envious on how well they took the mother hood. No doubt they have their struggles, but I doubt they hate motherhood as much as I do.

I just don’t feel like I’m cut out for the job and I’m worried my daughter will be grow up “wrong”.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for, maybe just to know I’m not alone in how I feel.

[TOM-RO]

Hi @AudreyRose-94 

Thanks so much for joining ReachOut and sharing what's going on for you.

To be honest - it sounds like you are managing a lot, and I can completely understand how you feel in need of a break. Not only are you a single mum, you are also working full time, whereby you look after multiple children during the day, and after that you continue attending to your daughter. It's a lot -  looking after children is lot of work - you're right in saying that you never get to switch off. This is not to say that parenting isn't rewarding or worth it, in fact I think the opposite...but what I'm trying to say is that I don't blame you for feeling tired! And it's possible that your hate for being a parent at the moment is more a reflection of the exhaustion you're experiencing than anything else - after all, you do mention loving and missing your daughter when she went to your parents.

Do you think your parents would be open to looking after your 5 year old a little more? Maybe 1 night a week to take the pressure off?

Also, are you receiving any professional support at the moment?

[AudreyRose-94]

Thank you for replying, unfortunately my parents taking her on a regular basis isn’t an option. They live several hours away and they both work full time - (they both had a week off so that’s why they where able to have her). She goes to her dads house one night a week for dinner, so I do get a couple of hours once a week. And I hate to admit that I really look forward to the times she is with her dad.

I have a referral for rebated psychologist sessions. I’m from a small town and the only services we have in town are you pay up front and if you have a referral under a mental health plan, you get a refund straight away. But having the full amount upfront is the problem. I just feel so lost and hopeless at the moment

[Bre-RO]

I think it was really brave of you to share these feelings you have. I just wanted to check in with you and see how you've been since your last post? 

[Ihatemylife]

I hate being a mom. I have one son that's experiencing addiction and two autistic daughters. I was just diagnosed with MS and I'm dealing with all of this alone

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Ihatemylife 

Thank you for sharing what is going on for you and your family. I can imagine the pain and grief you’d be feeling at the moment. I’m deeply sorry to hear that you were recently diagnosed with MS and are dealing with everything alone. It sounds like there’s a lot of pressure and responsibility on your shoulders, and in light of your diagnosis, it must feel like too much to handle at once.

We’re an Australian-based service, so some of the information may not apply to your unique situation - but I’m wondering if you have adequate medical support at this time? If so, I wonder if there are any support groups your treatment providers might be able to recommend. It also sounds like your mental and emotional wellbeing must be incredibly strained with the recent diagnosis and the complex needs of your children. We strongly encourage to consider reaching out to any friends or family who can support you right now, along with exploring professional mental health options to support your wellbeing through this time.