I've just re read my reply and I'm very sorry if I came across a bit rude. That is not my intention. I do have a lot of issues going on family wise. I'm really not sure about how to make out daughter any more uncomfortable then we all ready are. My issue with this comes from my own childhood which was very violent and home wasn't always a safe place. I try very hard not to repeat the cycle. ... View more

, Other then giving her chores not really. We get D1 to do things like clean the bathrooms ,toilets, hang out the the washing, help with the dishes. She preps her own meals. Picks up after the dog. Mow the lawns. Her older brother likes to try to get her to clean his room and do his washing. We do not buy her anything unless she actually had done everything ask of her and done things with out being asked. She very rarely asks for anything unless it is ingredients for a meal which we push her to buy with out us talking to the person at the check out. There is no t.v in her room. She has no laptop. If you can give me some constructive ideas about how to make her uncomfortable at home. So that she feels more comfortable with teachers who she has lost trust in so she will feel more comfortable back at school that would be great. But I'm not sure how much more we can do. I did actually think about taking her bedroom door off at point but I was worried about going to far. I would love to get a second opinion but how do I get an almost 20 year old to agree to visit a psychologist? Especially when she has been told repeatedly that she doesn't have to be here if she doesn't want to. Only take your pills until you feel you have got the best out of them? We actually have 3 daughters and 1 son. Our eldest is 29 this year and our youngest just turned 18. Out of the 4 ,three still live at home. The therapist told us if it was down to our parenting style then all 4 children would have issues. But all this ,the self harming ,the not talking the not wanting to leave the house stems from the bullying at school and online. Being called horrid names having rumors spread about her taking naked photos and sending them to the boys in school at the time. (Didnt happen as i had access to all her social media accounts) Having boys talk about her and sending her rude,crude photos. How do i restore her faith in teachers when they didn't help /see while she was getting punched in class and she had to send me a text message for help? We have managed to get her to out of the house today. She was busy helping her sister with cosplay material collecting. She didn't talk to any one aside from getting her to order a doughnut. We are actually up at the hospital visiting her uncle tonight who recently had part of his foot amputated. She is just sitting quietly listening and watching. She did managed to order an iced coffee from the lady at Jamaica blue. She did get sweaty and her face was all flushed and her voice was soft but I'll take it as a win. ... View more

@Taylor-RO Unfortunately she won't even use online chat text or via a headset. We ran into this issue when we tried home schooling via online classes. All she had to do was either talk or push a button to show she acknowledged instructions. We have even tried social side of gaming but she won't partake in that either. She will play games but will not talk to any one that she doesn't know. She wont even talk to some family members if she hasnt seen them in a while. We are trying very hard to be supportive and understanding.   Our daughters get on quite well together. If the older one wants to go to the shop she will talk the younger one into going with her. It usually ends up with our youngest interacting with the the person at the check out or they both will use self service if they feel it's easier. If the younger one doesn't want to go then no one  goes.   We have given Daughter 2 ideas on small talk and we  try to encourage her as much as we can. She and I are in the middle of doing  a cosplay for supanova next weekend. She wants to go  as Dabi from the Anime My hero academia. D2 likes villains she likes the psychology behind them, as in she is interested in what  makes them the way they are. she did think about  studying psychology but she doesn't want to practice it. She does have a wide and varying range of interest and doesn't like to feel as if she is  stuck in a box   Right now aside from dealing with the social anxiety and selective mutism, Hubby and I are dealing with his brother who suffers from borderline autism or these days Asperger's. He is diabetic and last year he had to have part of his left foot amputated. During recovery he put most of his weight on the other foot which now has an ulcer that as developed gang green and we are waiting to find out when that part of the affected  right foot will be removed. On top of that the moon boot he was wearing to help distribute his weight  was rubbing against his leg which took some of the skin off.    Last Monday my cousin suddenly died from a heart attack while he was in hospital. At the same time his father has been diagnosed with early onset dementia. Which we know is no walk in the park.I'm not sure how my aunt who is slowly going blind is going deal with things. Their daughter is taking the lost of her brother very hard ,the news about her father won't be helping either.    My husband's uncle has this also (he is level2). He likes to do odd things such as sleep with a ladder in his bedroom just incase the neighbors are climbing on the roof to smash his tiles(it isnt happening) or he has become very paranoid believing  that there are people out there trying to poison his  vegie patch or his  grass. When we find the time we take him on day trips to give his aunt a break.   My other aunt has emphysema, it is hard for her to breathe. She gets tried quickly. Unfortunately hubby and I have gone through this before as we watched his mum die from it. However she is on her way to visit my uncle who just lost his son. It must be horrible for her with her own mortality looming.   As for looking after my self, I read or play the odd game of world of Warcraft. Some times we have a family gaming night were we take turns in trying to figure out puzzles in a video game or we watch movies at home together. We play board games.   If we find time between work, uncles ,brothers and such we go camping just hubby and I. we leave the girls at home with money to cover everything they might need while we are away. However we have had moments where we are halfway to Onslow but get a phone call asking us to bring milk or bread home. We can laugh about it now but it gets a little frustrating.  Some times  we just go  hiking  in the local bush land as hubby is also  diabetic and we have found it a great way to help control his  sugars. we are also doing  the 5:2 diet on which I have lost about 30 kgs and hubby has lost 20, his  blood glucose as stabilized and he no longer has to test himself every day.   We are trying our best. Which is all any one can do I guess.   The therapist and the psychologist told us to make home uncomfortable for our daughter who suffers from anxiety and selective mutism as in make it so she wants to leave but we are uncomfortable with that. Home should be a safe place where you can just be. ( more then likely comes from my very horrible abusive childhood) we make her do most of the chores before she is allowed to do other things.( that is not to say we  allow the others to get away with not helping . if they live at home they must help in some way be it around the house or the yard or with bills. We as parents can not be expected even tho we are supportive to  do every thing ) She would much rather do that then go out. 20 in July  and she has no friends her own age. we have suggested support groups but she  just dismisses the idea    ... View more

This week has been quiet aside from us trying to convince her to see a dermatologist. Which she is refusing. She has this issue of not wanting people to look at her. At least that is how it seems to us. Our son keeps telling us we are to too soft on her and we shouldn't listen to the therapist and the psychologist. So we are getting it from him who can not see all the different things we are trying. Our youngest who is 18, just finished her certificate 2 in salon assistant. But she is not sure she wants to be a hair dresser now. She is worried about trying to make small talk with her clients. With the completion of her tafe course she now holds cert 2 in hospitality, cert 3 in music. She doesn't want to work as a waitress as she is worried about similar things as to her concerns with hair dressing. It also didn't help when she took part in the state skill share competition she spilt a drink on one of the her customers. She did however get top marks for being the only person to enquire about allgeries and make sure no one was served anything they were allergic too. She is about to start a university bridging course in July as she wants to try her hand at game design and coding. We have encouraged her by buying coding books and a online coding course that teaches her the basics at her own pace. We have encouraged our older daughter to watch in the hopes maybe she might find something that might work for her. ... View more

Jay-RO, We have tried that. Even told her stories about how her uncle tried 12 times before he finally passed. It hasn't helped. Her instructor once she felt our daughter was ready started treating each lesson as an exam/test. Her instructor has given her free lessons , told her stories about how many times some of her students take to get their p plates. Watched the learner driver shows that were on t.v so she could see that she isn't the only one who had issues. We encourage her as much as we can. We try to get her to expand her interest away from the house. For example she likes to cook so her aunt ordered a Batch of mushroom and bacon arachini balls for her to take to a work function. After paying for the ingredients and her time she made a profit of $40. But it didn't entice her to try cooking classes. We have also made suggestions about making pet treats that she could sell to family and friends. The idea being that maybe she might realize how nice it is to have her own money to buy things she might like and not wait for mum and Dad to maybe buy her something. But that idea didn't pan out. ... View more

I will get her to look at the site and see if it is something that might work for her. Thank you for the suggestion. We have also managed to get her to go for driving lessons with an female instructor for 1 hour a week. It was a big step for her. But her first p plate exam her anxiety got the better of her and she failed. We managed with a little convincing to get her to try a second time but once again the little monster got the better of her. We are trying for a 3rd time but she is digging her heels in believing that she can't do it. She drives perfectly with us and her brilliant instructor but gets anxious with the examiner. ... View more

Our Daughter will be 20 in July. Since going to Cahms when she was first diagnosed when she was 15 going on 16 .cahms put her on medication to help with her anxiety, we were told to do things such as take her to the local shopping centre and leave her alone for 5 minutes then 10 minutes increasing the length each time. We were told to try to get her to order her own meals. However because she wouldn't talk with the therapist and the psychologist they basicly said that she didn't have to be there if she didn't want to be. (Which was very helpful.. not) we did get a second referal to see cahms again after there was a miss understanding/miss communication with her animal studies teacher at tafe. Once again cahms was very helpful in saying that she didn't have to be there if she didn't want to be, she has great family support and try to get her to volunteer at say a dog shelter. She never went back to finish her course.(We keep encouraging her, but she can not handle front of house stuff nor deal with humans on the other end of leashes of dogs) She however since turning 18 decided the pills were not working for her. Stopped taking her medication; will not leave the house on her own. My husband and I have done things such as leaving her enough money to pay for bills and go shopping while we have traveled from Perth to Ayres Rock and Adelaide. Hoping that while we were gone she would try to venture out and do her own thing with out us. However unless a family member is with her, she will not venture out even to buy her self something. She refuses to see her doctor or even think about going back to school. We encourage her as much as we can but nothing has worked. These days we would have to get her to agree to seek out help and it is at this point in time very unlikely. I guess all we can do is keep trying, keep pushing, keep hoping that one day she might decide to get help. ... View more

Your daughter sounds like she has a beautiful caring soul. It also sounds like she knows what she would like to do career wise, not many people do. I think its wonderful that she is into conservation. With out people like your daughter alot more animals would be extinct. Such a shame other kids do not see the value of her interests. My daughter loves dogs and wants to help as many of them as she can. Unfortunately like your daughter she was bullied, this lead to her dropping out of school. We managed to get to complete a program that tafe offered called g.a.t.e. i can't remember what it stands for but through the course ahe was able to apply to do a certificate 2 in animal studies. Unfortunately due to the anxiety and mutism brought on by the bullying she wasn't able to complete the course as she couldn't cope with being team leader and' ordering people around'(giving them jobs to do, talking to a group of people ) and dealing with the owners of the dogs that came into the doggy daycare that was being run as part of the training. For us it wasn't so much if she passed or failed but the social side of it. Iur daughter is 19 this year and has no friends her own age, never leaves the house unless it is with a family member. We tried cahms and headspace but all we got was a script for pills and told that we have a great family with lots of support. She now refuses to take her pills or see her doctor i keep encouraging her to try differant things ( no luck yet) I hope one day your daughter achieves her dream of working in conservation. There is nothing wrong with having a good cry. I do it when i become fustrated because of feeling as if there is no where left to turn as if i am constantly banging my head against the wall no matter how many different things we try. Are there any wildlife rescue centres close by where maybe she could volunteer and gain different skills/ experiences? Maybe she would see there are like minded people about. Our daughter is even refusing to volunteer at an dog shelter at the moment as it means talking to people that she isn't comfortable with ( i keep pushing the idea and encouraging every little interest she has in the hopes something will 'click' with her) ... View more

She loves dogs more than anything. Unfortunately depending on your view, the dog she picked from the from the dog shelter also suffers from anxiety and is reactive around other dogs, so we can not allow her to walk him alone. There was also an indecent while we were walking Barry when out of nowhere another dog came bounding around the corner and attacked Barry who was at the time quite happy sniffing a lamp post. That has made her wary about taking him out as she worries about him being attacked again. I have encouraged her to volunteer at the shelter but she refuses and the last time she did anything like that was 2 years ago. I tell her all the time how funny and smart she is. I also tell her that she is beautiful inside and out. Unfortunately she had a fight with her older brother the other night. Not sure exactly what was said but i got a text message saying " I don't see why I should be here if all I am is an inconvenience" I told her that she wasn't and never has been an inconvenience and she shouldn't think like that. I have been keeping an eye on her because of self harm in the past. I managed to convince her to leave the house today. Got her hair cut, she wouldn't talk to the hairdresser . But i did manage to convince her to order her own subway for lunch. Its a small win but i will take what i can get. ... View more

Sunflower she has managed to do 40 hours of volunteering at Native Arc , a native wildlife rescue shelter but that was while she was studying her cert 2 in animals studies. However there was a misunderstanding with her Lecturer and it made her doubt her self even more I guess. As much as it seem I am whining and whinging i am actually very proud of how far she has come. I guess I'm just fustrated and worried about what might happen to her if she doesn't develop friends or take a step outside into the big wide world. ... View more

Down time for my self is spending time with a good book. Or going camping when we get the chance. Tomorrow Hubby and I are going to do a little hiking. Our 17 year old is making lemon myrtle cheese cake for mother's day and wants me out of the house for several hours. I have broached the idea of seeing another therapist and physcolist but she is opposed to that. I have tried getting her interested in all sorts of art things but not interested. She likes computer games and i have encouraged her to learn coding and i have several different art apps installed on the computer for her to use. She loves to use the home design software on Google to design houses. I have encouraged that because I thought maybe one day she might be able to study something along those lines. She gets on better with animals better than people, well she is more comfortable with animals, dogs are her favorite. Cahms that as a family we should all volunteer at an animal shelter. But i would rather not be there if we can convince her to do it. It is going to sound awfully harsh of ne but I feel if we are there then she will have us yo fall back on instead of taking a step forwards. I feel as if she needs to realize Mum and Dad can not always be there to help when things get scary / hard and that sometimes every one needs to face what unsettles us to see that it isnt really as bad as we might think if that makes sense. I am not sure if we would be able to get her to agree to visiting a Kineseology clinic. Recently she has started growing hair on her face i can't even get her to agree to a visit to the beautician. Its as if she doesn't want any one to look at her. She wont go swimming unless she is covered from neck to ankle. I have managed to get all her hormones tested and everything is normal. Even her thyroid. Her heart races and blood pressure goes through the roof when visiting places like cahms or the gp. Unlike many other parents who complain about not knowing where their child is. I know exactly where mine is 24/7 365 days of the year. She doesnt drink, smoke ,swear , she is never late home she has never been in trouble for anything. She is always at home in her room or playing with her dog Barry. We got him because we figured it might bring her out of her shell a little and encourage her to continue her certificate 2 in animal studies. While she loves barry and he is there to keep her company he hasn't inspired her to keep going with her studies. ... View more

We have tried online schooling but that made her uncomfortable even tho she wasn't required to actually physically speak. We have tried things like going away and leaving money for food and such incase she runs out of anything but she waits untill we come home before deciding items need to be restocked. ... View more

Unfortunately we have tried headspace and cahms. Both have said because she will not engaged there is no point in her seeing them. When she was seeing them she couldn't talk, hence the mutism. She wont talk to any one that she doesn't feel comfortable with. Shes 19 this year and has no friends, she doesn't go out unless it is with family. Getting her to visit the gp is a nightmare. The gp feels uncomfortable talking as if our daughter isn't there when she is in the room. Not really sure what we are going to do. W she loves art but wont explore going to tafe to improve her skills because that means dealing with people ... View more

We have 4 kids. Well they aren't realy kids any more, our eldest is 28 this year and got married last year, also brought a home, we are very proud of her and every thing she has done. We have 1 son who like our eldest is our pride and joy, he too is in his 20s. Our send daughter is 18 well 19 this year, we are very proud of each tiny step she takes towards fighting her anxiety. And lastly is our 17 year old she is a buding bass player who hasn't quite decided excalty what she wants to do with her self other then be a batista by day and a mixologist of a night and play in a band somewhere between all of that. To relax I like to read, play games be it 'old fashioned ' table top rpgs where you have to use your imagination to work things out to gaming consoles. But hubby and I also enjoy fishing, camping, hiking, kyaking. What led you to ReachOut Parents? That is easy but hard at the same time. Our 18 year old was bullied badly in high school, she went from captian of her school soccer team to a recluse more or less. I worry about her alot. Top tip about having kids that are going to become teenagers? Be there for them is the best tip I can give. Listen to them when they do come to you and always tr to keep the lines of communication open . Best thing about the weekends? If i am lucky i get to spend time with all 4 kids and hubby doing one of those relaxing things i spoke about above ... View more

However even that was a battle she couldn't cope with other people asking for help or talking to others in general. She is 18 now but will not leave the house unless family is with her. The idea of going for a job interview scares the hell out of her. Once she turned 18 she decided to stop taking her antidepressants that was prescibed for her anxiety. The only time she leaves the house with out us is for 1 hour a week for a driving lesson. I have been told because she is 18 i can not drag her to counciling. She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. But i am at a loss as what to do now. Only peice of advice we got from cahms was " be gentle but firm, make home life uncomfortable for her so she wants to leave" ... View more