16 And pregnant

[Mitzi]

RUOK @joanne? I hope you are. Just wanted to say hi and let you know I was thinking about you and this sad and troubling situation. All the best - Mitzi

[joanne]

Hi sorry I Haven't been in as much. things at Home have been some what tense,after visting the Clinic for a Termination My Daughter decided,it wasn't what she Wanted So leaving the the clinic we went home and talked about what we were going to do,as I respect her decision, and will support her am I wrong to feel that she's being quite selfish?Anyways we went to see the midwife who booked her in for a Date scan on which it showed she is actually pregnant with TWINS ( identical) and they have put her at high risk as her blood group is res negative,And her BMi is below average there's so many worries,at the Moment,I was thinking maybe we could financially cope with 1 but now there's 2 I'm literally crying most Nights she's only just turned 17,has no education no job, I have 6 children as it is,our house is completely overcrowded as it is,She's 14 weeks Pregnant and her attitude hadn't really changed much apart from her mood swings& extremely nastyness towards me and her siblings,she keeps saying I don't no how it feels,(iv had 6 ) but I don't no anything as iv never been pregnant with Twins( I miss carried twins 9 years ago) and she Knew about my miscarriage,She keeps saying this isn't her fault and I'm finding it really hard to not say Anything back!...she's absolutely loving the Attention from the Health professions,loving the attention of being pregnant and them making a fuss of her,Any other advice would be Great! Joanne.

[Mitzi]

Hi @joanne - I really hear your frustration and can totally understand it. I want to reply with honesty and with kindness - forgive me if I get the mix wrong

• No it's not wrong to think she's being selfish. She is being selfish. Because she's 16 and probably doesn't really know how to be selfless yet
• I'm sure she's enjoying all the fuss being made about her. Please don't begrudge her that. Let her feel special for a bit. As the oldest of 6 children in a busy household, does she often get to feel special? I don't mean that in any way to sound harsh, just trying to imagine the day-to-day realities.
• You've shown how you are being supportive by making time to take her to appointments despite having so much on your plate. It's OK to ask "how on earth am I going to manage?"
• I really think your partner needs to step up - even it is just to say "We'll manage somehow, it will be OK". You need his support to help you be strong.
• For her to say to you "You don't know how it feels!" is ludicrous. Put that lashing out down to the hormones for now.

True story: I was 18, studying nursing, needed a flatmate. My Mother had recently remarried and was overseas. My 17-y-o sister moved in with me during her last year of high school. ANYWAY  3 months later I noticed she still hadn't started the contraception I'd taken her to the doctor to get. "Too late". We talked about termination but she didn't want that. Then she decided she would give the baby up for adoption. Tears and teeth-gnashing all around. Six months later baby boy arrives, all family take turns in night feeds and other chores. She worked as a waitress for 5 years then when her son started school she re-did her HSC and got into teaching at Uni. Following that she got a Master's degree. Her son is now in hiw 30s, owns a very succesful business and has 3 through beautiful kids.

See? Any why shouldn't you have a happy ending too? We are all making it up as we go along @joanne. So glad you checked in. Even if just so you know "someone" is listening to you.

[joanne]

Hi thanks for replying my Daughter she's kinda in the middle Eldest is my son who's 23,Daughter 19,Daughter 17(pregnant) Son 13, Daughter 8,Daughter 5.My Husband keeps saying she my daughter Becci knows what she needs,to do (Termination) But it's not his decision to make either he will not listen to Anything I have to say,at the moment relationships strained as he wont talk to Becci my eldest Daughter moved out to stay with her Boyfreind,& she's came around to the idea that her sisters pregnant,she's not happy but accepted it...

[Sophie-RO]

Sounds so tough @joanne - really feel for you all but you are doing the right thing by at least reaching out here so you have some support for you in all of this so please continue to keep talking here whenever you need.....

[Ngaio-RO]

Hi @joanne

How are things going? Any improvements?