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19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

Discussion forum for parents in Australia

19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

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Re: 19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

Hey @Deezzee, it is great that you have a way of managing your feelings. Often parents can forget that they need support and relief at times too! It sounds like there has been a lot of change recently.. but an overall improvement in the situation given that you are getting along better? So lovely to hear how willing you are to support your son although you might not agree with his decisions, which can be so important as they get older.

Jealousy is a natural feeling and it may come from wishing you had that relationship with him. It is always a difficult situation in these cases and again it could just be the different relationship dynamic, e.g your son might feel comfortable telling you that you are interfering (as you are his mum), compared to his girlfriend's family.

Re: 19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

I have similar behaviour from my 19 yr old son. It is so hard and as much as I don't want him to I'm beginning to think it would be best for our relationship if he moved out. He can't afford to do this and I refuse to kick him out but I know it's what he needs more than anything. I think it would make him grow up, realise how lucky he is to have the love and support we give him and hopefully appreciate that a lot more. I hate every conversation being a issue or creating a new one. Looking at history kids moved out into the world a lot sooner than they do these days, I totally understand that going through what we are now with him.
Prolific scribe

Re: 19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

Hi @Stilllearning welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear that you have been experiencing difficulty with your son. Moving out can definitely provide the opportunity of having space and also a chance for him to appreciate all the things you do for him. It's hard when they are not in a financial position to be self-supporting and yes people move out a lot later these days as cost of living continues to increase. Is he currently studying or working? Has communication always been difficult or is that fairly recent? I'm wondering if you've been able to chat to him about what you need from him while he's living under your roof now that he's of adult age? You are also welcome to start a brand new thread topic if you'd like further support from the community. We're here to listen Heart

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Re: 19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

I have the same problem- he is a good student- goes to one of the Ivy League colleges in USA - hard working , friendly but always is very disrespectful and no feelings towards me. What did I do wrong- I sacrificed a lot , tried to teach him good values - did a lot for my parents and my in- laws - his father is not a good person - verbally abusive - my son’s behavior hurts me a lot and I feel like I am succumbing into depression
Prolific scribe

Re: 19 year old son is rude and hurtful to me, but only me!

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Hey there @JD0902 and welcome to ReachOut Smiley Happy

Just letting you know that I did remove the double-ups of your post. 


Sometimes there isn't a reason someone is rude or disrespectful, which can make it difficult when someone acts that way towards you. You mentioned that you've done a lot for your parents and in-laws, are they people you'd feel comfortable talking to about how you've been feeling? Talking to others about how we're feeling can help us with finding strategies to help cope. 


Recently, we have been doing Ask a Young Person segments and I thought this one on why does my daughter hate me might be useful for you, what do you think? 


Have you been to see someone, such as a counselor or psychologist about how you feel? They may be able to help you find coping strategies to help with those feelings. You can also try USA's National Parent Helpline for support if face-to-face isn't something that interests you. Do you think that's something you could try?


I'm also going to tag in some users who have posted about this topic before: 

@JAKGR8 @mrskode @PapaBill @sunflowermom