Thanks ,
Yes she is a sensitive and very empathetic young person, but also highly spirited and fiesty and determined. Hard to parent some days, but those are some amazing qualities that I know will help make her an amazing adult that will succeed in anything she puts her mind to.
The thing I am most proud about her this year is her personal growth, I hear it in the way she talks with me, setting out her goals for her future and reflecting on her past and the lessons she has learned. It is wonderful to listen to her talk about these things and she says everything she has been through is helping her become the person she is, which she is really starting to like, again so wonderful to hear her insight about herself.
We do have a fantastic counselor that she has been seeing for the last 6 months. She had her last season this month and has a check in one next feb when school goes back and she is in place should my daughter need to see her. Her dean at school is AMAZING. I had a chat to her about where things are at with my daughter and the support we have put in place and she just said what can I do to help. She sees my daughter and gets her which is all I can ask for.
The thing about counseling I read on this site - and it's so very very true - is you cannot force your child into going, they have to want to go willingly. We made our daughter go last year and she is super clever and just told the counselor what she wanted to hear so no progress was made, it seemed like a waste of time. Then my daughter was experiencing anxiety and sad days where she just didn't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone and just and just not in a great place, pushing boundaries not in a good way. We were quite worried about the path she was heading down. She opened up to her closest friend and that friend basically ended their friendship because she said it was toxic and she is all about happy positive things and my daughter was being negative and I dont think she had the emotional maturity or emotional intelligence to be there for my daughter in the way she needed so it was easier for her to just end the friendship not realising the damage it would do. This broke my daughters heart and damaged her a lot. I knew something was wrong but you can't force them to tell you. She did however realise she was in a quite dark place and asked to see a counselor. Her counselor has helped her understand these things and helped her learn a lot about herself to which I am so grateful. My daughter opened up so much to her this time round and wanted to understand what was going on with herself. I have worked with her counselor to put support in place for her at home to help her with her not great days, which are getting less and less now.
She has reconnected with a friend this year at school and their friendship is healthy and fun, her friend supports her because she gets it and my daughter supports her friend who is going through some similar things, they support each other which I am so proud of, they are both wonderful young girls. They are moving away from the friends that bring them down and trying to build each other up and they are excited for school next year.
It's been a big year! I know we still have a long way to go, we have had some really tough times this year, where you feel completely helpless as a parent but we have also had some huge emotional growth, both of us. I have learned to just listen. Not throw in my opinions as that just makes my daughter shut down. I have learned to just support her, pick my battles and trust we have put in the groundwork and she will make good decisions but if she stuffs up, its not the end of the world, we all stuff up. Just have to be their to help them back up and learn from it. By doing this, it has made our relationship stronger and she talks to me about most things, because she knows I won't flip out, I try to just listen and be understanding. For me it's about helping her make good decisions for herself, not making those decisions for her, taking away her choices, if I did that she would completely rebel and shut down. I am constantly learning myself how to parent her, the way that works best to bring out the best in her and build her up.
That's our journey so far. We are in a good place at the moment and have things in place should we need them. I am so grateful for the support and advice on this page and the support my closest friends have given me.
I hope this post helps other parents going through similar things with their child.
@taokat @sunflowermom @Happy @Schooner @compassion @Faob_1 
