How best to parent a teenager that uses cannabis daily.

[Bestapproach]

Hi mamamico 

We are having the same issue as you are .. breaking my heart . So young to be obsessed with weed . 

‘Just don’t know the approach, how far to intervene . Is it a phase ? 

[Mamamico]

Hi Bestapproach,

I am so sorry to hear this. It really is heartbreaking, isn’t it? We seem to be in a bit of a lull (as in I haven’t discovered anything new lately) but I am not so dumb as to think that my son has stopped smoking altogether. I just hope it is on a more occasional use. I hope it is a phase and I hope that it is just purely experimental. It doesn’t help that all his friends are doing it, tho’! I am trying not to intervene too much...it seems that the more I push, the more he just gets defensive and pulls away. Just keeping my eyes open for now (looking through his room occasionally and, yes, I still check his photos).

[Tdouble]

Thank you for your response!!!!  

I have a 16 year old.  Started smoking at 14 and has definitely increased his usage.  He has a history of anxiety and racing thoughts.  He also has a very low self esteem, that he plays off well to those around him.  I have tried counseling for him and he is not invested and refuses.  Counselors won't see him past the 3rd session because it is not beneficial if he is not engaging.  He tells me pot is the one thing that calms his mind.  So I do know part of why he uses.  I DO NOT condone it.  I also know I can't "punish him" our of using.  So tired of hearing that from people and seeing it on the internet as a method to use.  DOES NOT work!.  I have tried everything.  Even set boundaries around him using.  Trying to see if I can at least get it regulated before it spirals out of control and other things start into the mix, alcohol already has.

My biggest fear is his father is an addict and an alcoholic.  Hoped me taking the kids and leaving when they were little could have helped them to not fall into the cycle.  My ex's entire family struggles with addiction or has dies from overdose, suicide or liver failure due to alcohol use.  I am terrified for my son.  Honestly don't know what to do.  Can't talk to anyone in my family about it because they go into "judgmental" zone.  They do not get trauma and they do not get addiction.  A lot of them treat him like he is a bad kid or have stopped talking to him all together.  Not helpful, just pushes him further into his low self esteem and depression and increases the drug use.  

Sorry this went on and on.  Feeling like a horrible mother and like I am losing my child.  

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Tdouble, welcome to Reachout and thanks for sharing your experience. We are so glad that you have found this thread helpful and relevant. That being said, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing a lot of pain and difficulty in your journey with your son. You mentioned feeling like a horrible mother.. although from your post, I can tell that you are trying your best to understand, empathise and refrain from judging your son. I think that these qualities really give children a safe base to work from in a lot of situations This is something you should be so proud of as it sounds like a lot of other people judge and criticise your son. It looks like you are an international user which is okay but please be mindful that our resources are Australian based and so may not be relevant to you. We have a lovely and supportive community of parents here which I am sure will provide some support and insight soon I wonder if you knew why your son is not invested in and refusing counselling from his perspective? Is there anything he has said about it? Reaching out for help can be so challenging, especially as a young person. It really sounds like you are trying your best to support your son through this. 

[Mamamico]

To the moderators of this site:
I really don't understand how this is discussion board is helpful? I reached out TWO years ago, desperate for any kind of advice or help. My son is now 17, and uses pot on a daily basis (multiple times a day) and since, we have found out he suffers from depression. I received no advice or even any sort of response directed to me (from other users, yes, and I am very grateful to them) One of my posts I see was written at 4 in the morning and I can hazard a guess that I am sure I wasn’t awake at that time of the night for fun.

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Mamamico 

We're sorry to hear that you found your experience with our Support Service unhelpful. 

We understand how no acknowledgement from staff may have left you feeling unheard. We can assure you this was not our intention. Unfortunately, our forums are not monitored 24-7, and are also not meant for one-on-one support. The forums are actually designed for peer support. In other words, they are designed for parents to connect with other parents. These details about our service are outlined in our community guidelines, which can be found here. The moderator's role is to ensure that the forum is a safe space for everyone, in other words, to ensure that all posts are in line with our community guidelines. We do offer support to some users where we can, but there are times where we may not respond to users, especially if they have received support from the community already. 

We can see a lack of response from the moderators has upset you and truly do we hope that this response clarifies some of your concerns. If you are unsatisfied with this response, then you are welcome to make a formal complaint but emailing us at hello@reachout.com. 

Lastly, we're very saddened to hear about what your son, and yourself, are going through. As a parent, it must be difficult to see your son suffering. You said you found out that he suffers from depression? Does that mean he is engaging with a counselor/psychologist? If so, that's really great. I'm guessing this is a lot for you to handle and it's important that in addition to looking after your son, you look after yourself. I noticed you're an international user. Since we are an Australian based service, our knowledge of international services is somewhat limited. In Australia we have a helpline for parents - it's named Parentline. It might be worth googling if there's something similar in your country. I did a quick google search and came across this service, which might be worth looking into. 

We also have this thread here for international users - it contains a list of services for a range of countries, including Canada. This thread is targeted towards youth, so not all of them may be helpful, but they might be worth look into, and possibly even passing on to your son.

Again, we're sorry you felt disappointed in our service. We hope things do get better for you and your son. 

[Amatt1970]

Hi
My son is 16 he has Ptsd from traumas in his younger years and he's smoking canibus daily to help deal with the issues his way instead of taking advice from the professionals for medication he won't listen and he's going back over its like we can't talk to him or how to be around him anymore

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Amatt1970 and welcome to ReachOut Parents! 

It sounds like your son and your family have been coping with a lot, and we are really grateful you have reached out here for support Surviving and healing after trauma is such an individual journey, and can really impact the whole family.

I am hearing how much concern you have for your son and the way he is coping with PTSD right now- I can imagine it must be so hard to watch him self medicate and struggle to follow the advice of professionals.

How long has your son been smoking marijuana? 

We recently had a question on the topic of trauma answered by one of our child and family professionals I thought I might link here for you 

[ThatRedHeadChic]

I Know what your going through, my daughter is a weed smoker, it started off with her and some friends doing it every now and again for fun, and she enjoyed it. But its now almost like a full time job for her. She is now a full time 24/7 smoker. Her mood swings have now turned into frightening fits of rage. She is now 20 but has the mentality of a 15 year old, she isnt even a functioning dope smoker, has no job, it has completly consumed her life. 

However a couple of years ago when i realised i was just hitting a brick wall trying to get her to stop, or we would fight about it and she would leave and go to a friends house for days. So i said to her ok, your smoking weed, this is whats going to happen. I am to be in charge of the weed, you give it to me. I will give you some at the start of the day and what i give you is all you get for that day and no more. This way i could monitor her intake. In doing this giving her the weed at the start of the day turned into her getting it around lunchtime, then it went to her getting it late in the afternoon (the amount decreasing each time) it got to the point where she stopped asking for it and did touch it for 8 weeks, and its almost like she didnt realise.

However her nan died and her father relied heavily on her staying with him because he could cope. He is a dope smoker and was giving her weed while she was there. Since then its spiraled out of control.

me taking charge of the weed and giving it to her i think helped quite alot (until her dad came along). This could be something maybe you could try. Good luck X

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @ThatRedHeadChic, thanks for sharing your insight and experience with us. It sounds like marijuana usage has had a massive impact on your family. You really took control of the situation and helped your daughter to cut down on her usage. It is a shame that this changed when she went to spend time with her father. Do you expect that she will be living with you some time again?

With the impact that this has had on your family, how have you been able to look after yourself? Once again, thanks for sharing - please keep us updated