My 14 year old daughter is about to send me to the looney bin.
Back Story: She has been a very mouthy child for as long as I can remember. 'M' is biologically my husband's, but I legally adopted her and her older sister 5 years ago. Neither have any recollection of their birth mother, so I truly don't believe this is what's causing her to go bananas. In addition, my husband and I had our first (and will be our only) biological daughter together 17 months ago and I do feel that in some ways, she resents her new sister because the attention is less on her (but as I previously said, this has been going on for YEARS).
In the recent year, 'M' has gotten to the point where I've almost left my husband because I can not stand being around her and, sometimes, I fear that if provoked enough, I will lay my hands on her. M backtalk's, interrupts all conversations, throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way, is very selfish, threatens, yells, cusses, etc. And while she has never skipped school (she about did today), stolen, done drugs, or did anything physical, her mouth is still to the point where I just can't take it anymore.
For example, last night her father and I needed to have a discussion with M and her older sister regarding them needing to pay more attention about picking up after themselves and not leaving me to come home from work to a big mess. Because we both knew M would start to cause problems before the conversation even started, my husband started the conversation with "please, neither one of you interrupt while I'm talking". We didn't directly direct it at M, but to both of them so that she wouldn't feel singled out. Not even 1 minute into the conversation, she starts interrupting, back talking, eye rolling, huffing and puffing. This ultimately dragged our conversation out to nearly an hour and resulted in me taking her phone away from her because of the disrespect. Obviously, this really pissed her off. Immediately, she kept asking for her phone back. Her attitude slowly started to change but I personally wasn't buying into it. Nearing the end of our night (my husband and I go to bed at 8pm since we both have to get up at 4am for work) we decided that M could have her phone back BUT we would shut her internet off for the night. She didn’t like this plan and immediately started back talking AGAIN. So, with that, I kept her phone. Our 17-month-old still sleeps in our room, and M is aware of that. So, she said, “I’m just going to stand outside your room all night causing a ruckus so that the baby keeps waking up and you guys don’t sleep unless you give me my phone back.” That set me off, so, with her phone still in my hand, I threw it on the ground and told her she would NOT be getting it back and that I would not tolerate her threatening me. She left and went to her room. After much discussion with my husband following that, I definitely agreed that I let my temper get the best of me and that we needed to start handling M without yelling or fighting. We make the rules and we don’t owe her a discussion. This morning, she got her phone back WITHOUT internet as she does need it for school. Upon me and my husband leaving for work, M calls me YELLING at me saying I broke her phone and whatnot (I did not). I tell her I love her and that I hope she has a good day and I hang up. I then get the following text: “You broke my phone and the only thing I want is a new one. I am not forgiving anybody till I get a new one. It was already dads old iphone 6s so it’s not like it was any good either. And no I don’t believe you love me you broke my phone and I still don’t have a brand new one after you broke it. Im not grateful or loving to anyone for a broken phone. Im not keeping this piece of crap. If it wasn’t for you I would still have a phone. And I am not going to school now. Its not like I can get punished for doing anything anymore. No phone no ways I can get punished unless your gonna take my coloring books and slam them on the ground.”
What the heck do I do with this kid?! I am at my wits end. Truly!!!! I know that when we get home from work this evening, it’s going to be hell and my goal for myself is to stay totally calm and not get worked up. But I NEED HELP!
