05-26-2020 04:12 PM - edited 05-26-2020 04:58 PM
So I am new to all this and new partner's 16 yo son walked 2 hours to get home from school yesterday. Son does not live with us and has lived with mum for a couple of years now. Usually there is minimal discussion and a hostility over any parental involvement, but now things have been falling apart for son and it is quite difficult to know how to navigate things.
Crux of the problem is that 16 year old son had the option to call partner and get picked up but decided not to. Son does not reply to smses and calls either, so there is a sense of helplessness which is difficult to deal with. There has been a refusal from mum to provide any regular information and prevented any decision making for crucial issues like medical and education issues for many years now. Seems likely there is anything that can be done, but appreciate to be able to just vent here.
05-26-2020 07:21 PM
Always good to be able to vent, especially to strangers who wont take it personally.No particular pearls of wisdom for you but keep posting your thoughts and needs,because there are some pretty wise people on this site.When i was a angst ridden troubled teen I would slip out the bedroom window and walk from midnight to dawn, unknown to my parents. The solitude of a long walk was very beneficial to me at the time, really helped to reduce my anxiety, but i confess i was cactus in class those days.
05-27-2020 11:49 AM
Hey @PeteNorthside ,
That is a pretty decent walk home, is public transport an option where your partner's son lives? Is this something he does regularly? It is a bit hard to say without knowing more about the situation - do you think he may have been walking to blow off some steam, or to have some time to himself? I know that a lot of teenagers are relishing having some more freedom now that there's on longer the highest level of lockdown restrictions in place.
It must be really frustrating having him not replying to messages and calls, though. Do you and your partner share custody with his mum, or is he with her full time?
05-27-2020 12:24 PM
Thanks Sidney and Janine. Transport has been an ongoing stressful issue and this has been apparently regular thing unbeknownst to us.
Just found out last night that he has been blocking smses and calls, so hopefully it will be unblocked now. Formal custody and parental agreement has not been discussed, so it is something I have been trying to investigate without inflaming the situation unfortunately. He is with her full time and apparently he persistently refuses to spend time and be in contact, so it is hard to know how much mediation and parental agreements can achieve as he is over 16.
Hopefully he will attend school more regularly though, it would be easier as there are school counselors and teachers that can support him more there too.
05-28-2020 02:26 PM
It sounds like you're doing all you can to keep the lines of communication clear and open between your son and his mum. Fingers crossed he has unblocked his phone so that you can check in with him more easily. Do keep us updated with how you're going with this..I can imagine it would be hard to go through this at a distance.