Hi @Mumof1 So sorry to hear about your daughter suffering at this time ! Major Depressive Disorder can be a crippling and painful experience. The apparatus for" picking your socks up " and getting on with it just isn't there . It's like throwing seed on concrete and telling it to grow . The emotional paralysis can bring with it , anger , deep sadness , despair , guilt , hostility and a weight so heavy you feel as if you have mountains that are just too high to climb . Motivation to get out there and bring good things into your life seem an impossibility . Even if the desire to get better is strong .
You have done all the right things . Getting her a psych and medication will help , over time . Her boyfriend , your love and her friends are vital at this time to keep her hoping for a better future . Some things you can remind her of daily , to help allay your fears of what she send her boyfriend might talk/ think about and share that may not be beneficial to either of their wellbeings when they are alone :
1. This too will pass . The way you feel in the moment is not permanent . Feelings are like waves , they ebb and flow and the intensity can be ridden and pass and it to that with some one who loves you .
2. The darkest moments need to be shared . Teach her to be mindful of her escalating negative thought patterns and get her to voice this too you when ever it happens .
3. Encourage her daily to seek you or another loved one out when the emotions become intense and she feels the urge to self harm . Tell her that you are there to intercede and carry her through that wave .
4. Make sure she us aware there are always alternatives to damaging self harm such as , elastic around the wrists which are snapped , and hands in ice if she does find herself alone and the urge overwhelms her . ( Psych should educate her around this but it needs to be mentioned many times )
5. Get her to call a support line if she can't reach you when she is in extreme emotional distress and they will talk her through until the urge to harm has passed .
6. Having an emergency plan in place which she is reminded of frequently will instil in her the need to be proactive with her own illness and recognise her own signs .
7. Ask her what she would implement for a friend who self harms to protect her and help her / him manage it . What would she like yo see them doing to protect themselves ?
8. It is imperative that she " truly gets it " that she is ill and that her cognitive functioning is not at its best and therefore her rational thinking will be compromised enormously. For this reason she needs to be aware she is in danger of making rash decisions so it's best to check in with Mum or another loved one for a second opinion - just in case !!
9. Tell her the past does not represent the future and that the way she feels now will improve , have hope and hold her hand . You can get there together !!
10. Make sure you use the resources of other close family members to support you and help you cope with the ongoing worry, concern and supervision of her ( without smothering) her , knowing she is surrounded with love support and acceptance will be a buffer for the weight of the dark times . She will be more resilient as a result and be more willing to shout out when she is unable to cope with the intensity of the bad thoughts and feelings .
My thoughts are with you at this very troubling anxious time , stay strong and determined , together you can manage this well !
