Hi @RMBF79
Step children are tough work any time.
When they don't respect or listen to their biological parent you have no chance to "parent" them.
Especially if you have a different set or rule or expectation you want them to abide by.
If you try you are likely to cop it from both your new partner and the child.
I absolutely think you are doing the right thing in setting rules in your house about acceptable behaviour. It is you and your children's home and any guest needs to respect that. If the partners son "didn’t like this rule and so has packed up all his stuff and left in an angry state" that is his choice.
Given your partners son behaviour and how that becomes a role model for your children I think may be the best for your family if your partners son is no longer living with you.
If this has driven a wedge between me and my partner then that is not good. I hope your partner is just venting his frustration that his son is causing and not blaming you for his son's choices.
You offered a temporary place for the son to stay, if the son then leaves that is not on you it is on the son.
Hopefully the "wedge" is your partners frustration at his son is what you are feeling.
Certainly you are not responsible for his son and by offering him a place when his father is NOT living with you is IMHO generous. If your partner thinks it is your obligation then he really should get a reality check.
I would hope that these circumstances in themselves would not be the end of your relationship.
My partner had her daughters boyfriend move in when his parents kicked him out and that was tough. And he was not displaying any of the behaviours you describe.
I expect your partner is going through a tough time and might just be venting and you are in the blast zone.
If your partner is truly expecting you to accept his son no mater what the son's behaviour then I think he needs a reality check.
One thing I think you need to discuss with your partner is the statement "now (has) no other option than to move down to provide him with a home". The son is 18 and making choices about where he is living. If he chooses to behave in a manner that his mother kicks him out and chooses to move to a different location then in no way does this mean the parent has to move.
The last point is building a house together. Presuming you are going to jointly own it, this is a HUGE step. I mean really HUGE. You are talking about a binding financial commitment that if you should separate in the future will likely end up at the lawyers to seperate.
My partner and I looked at doing this when we were in our relationship honeymoon (not marriage) but now we realise we have very different financial priorities and ways of looking at work and money.
I don't know your current status (Renting/owning) but I strongly suggest you don't let your partners son choices determine if you enter the huge commitment of joint property ownership with your partner.
Thats a big reply so in summary
- Good on ya for being willing to offer a place in your home of a struggling Team
- You definitely have the right to set the rules in your house
- If he doesn't like the rule and leaves.. well that's his choice
- Don't let the sons behaviour dictate how and where you and your partner live.
It takes so much strength to welcome a teen into your home and to support him for the time you did. Both he and your partner are lucky to having such a compassionate person in their lives, as are your kids!
