Separation anxiety

[mrskode]

My son son is now 14, almost 15. He often stays at home on.his own. He has been on a few school camps and coped really well. I was concerned when he first started high school because he suffered from social anxiety as well. His head treacher took him under her wings and he transitioned really well. He attends a school that has 1600 students. It took alot of patience and persistence.

[mrskode]

Your daughter can get past the anxieties and lead a normal life. She needs support and counselling. Sounds like you are on the right track.

[PapaBill]

Hi @Debsy7680 

Sounds like things are a bit tough at the moment.  The good news is like @mrskode @JAKGR8 and others are saying - with support you and your daughter can get through this but it does take time.  

While not having had to deal with a child having Separation anxiety myself, I do know it takes love, patience support and above all time to address issues like this.

I would echo @JAKGR8 suggestion to review if you have the right counselor.  Just like any profession there are good ones and average ones.   Sometimes you find a different counselor will take a different approach or technique which can benefit your daughter.

While in no way a therapist or qualified to offer treatment suggestions I am curious how you re-assure your daughter on the phone.  Is it voice or  Is it possible to use SMS messages.   The reason I ask is that is I know when my partner first spent evening with me we would get text streams from her daughter.  At first my partner would reply instantly but over the months it dropped back in how fast she responded until now it is hours between there texts to each other.

I don't know if that is something you could consider.  If so I would think it best to discuss in conjunction with your daughter and the counselor you are using.

Finally as commented on by others,  If you dont look after yourself you cant look after anyone else,  it is important for you to find time to yourself.  Is there a family member or friend who can come over for a night with your daughter so you can get out to relax for a bit?  

[Momofboys2021]

My 12 year old son has suffered from anxiety for about 2 years now, he is fixated on the fact the he was going to vomit, and worried constantly about getting sick .. so much so to the point that it controls his life. He doesn't go over to friends houses often because he's afraid he will get sick and we won't be there . He has has issues going to school ( which he has over come) thankfully. It was a tough 2 years . But all this has caused him to not want us to leave the house. My husband and I can't go for an evening drive, do groceries or even go out to supper and it's a huge ordeal. I'm trying so hard to understand and help him. We have been on a wait list for mental health for over 2 years and have tried one child therapist which he gave up on way too easily.im waiting on an appointment yo try a different one It doesn't seem like he wants to put the effort into getting the help he needs... I'm so lost

[Adam-R0]

Hey @Momofboys2021 ,

Thank you for sharing your experience. That sounds like it's a really challenging situation to deal with. It sounds like your son has been experiencing anxiety and the way it presents itself has left you feeling limited in what you can do. I can't believe you've had to wait for over 2 years for mental health support. Does your son have any support available through school or something similar? 

I hear you. It can be really hard being a bystander and wanting to support someone who may not realise how much support they need. It sounds like they are experiencing separation anxiety when they're not around their safe people (you). Have you found any successful strategies that can sometimes work? Do you have any support helping you out directly? 

[KeepSmiling]

If she is 14, have a friend come over or better yet have her go to a friends house without the parent for a few hours. Daytime is best. Nighttime is kindof scary anyway.

[KeepSmiling]

I have 3 children and all 3 have had separation anxiety. It’s painfully difficult and most people just don’t understand. 2/3 of my kids I could rely on their friends and parents of their friends to either come over and I leave or they take the kids for a period of time.. overnight or something.

[Philippa-RO]

Thanks so much for sharing your experience @KeepSmiling - that sounds like a really helpful solution to call in friends and family to help when your kids were struggling with separation anxiety.

Were they happy to accept support from other people?

I imagine it would help with your stress levels to know you had help too. 

Is there anything else you found helped to reduce your kids' anxiety over time?