Teenage son suicide attempt

[jajealch]

Thank you @sunflowermom, 

Time and patience is something I am going to have to learn, as a parent, we just want to be able to fix everything and I'm not used to not being able to make it better.

It's something I am getting my head around slowly, so I am learning as I go.  Finding you all here has been a life line in the last day or so, as I was starting to despair - felt like every door I was pushing was just slamming back in my face.

Thank you. x

[gina-Ro]

@jajealch you're welcome - I'm so glad the forum has been a source of support and comfort for you in such a painful and difficult time  - there's a lot of wisdom and love accumulated in all the experiences of parents here. 

Keep letting us know how you are, and how things are going - we 're here to listen 

[silverlining]

Thanks for sharing your story. I am new to posting on forum but have found it very helpful reading, to not feel alone. I am a parent reaching 1 year since my beautiful then aged 14 yo daughter's suicide attempt , seemed out of the blue but it was all there in hindsight. All I can advise is take it day by day , be gentle with yourself and seek any and all supports, preferably that are not judgy. Im sorry to hear the mental health service is so slow, so soon after an attempt. Gosh. Your words 'doors slamming in the face' bought a tear to my eye as I am feeling like this today after banging my head on the wall, still trying in the process to access any ongoing services when the issues are still in effect for my daughter. Good luck with your son , moving through this time together. I can hear you are a concerned and loving parent in your words.

[sunflowermom]

Hi @silverlining

I agree with you so much, this site helps us not feel alone. I loved your advice be gentle with yourself and seek any and all advice, be careful with the judgy.  I have learned who not to share with.  Its been about one year since my daughters first attempt, it has been a roller coaster and I have learned so much along the way about who she is, and honestly who I am.

Hi @jajealch  I hope this week is going a little bit better for you.  Take it one day at a time- I found it helpful to make a list of my questions for the therapist.  You are so right that we want to fix everything for our kids, like when they were babies.  Its heartbreaking that we cant.  Just be there for him.  He knows you love him.

[rubymeadow1]

Hi

My 17 year old (he will be 18 in a week or so) just tried to commit suicide.  I am having similar issues to you. My son doesn't want to talk to a therapist and I have no idea why he did what he did. He has IBS so he has really struggled with feeling sick every day because of that and he is graduating soon from school.  He seems to not want to grow up and be on his own, but that is my take on it.  I feel like he demands a lot from me, but he absolutely won't tell me what he is feeling or what is going on in his head.

I am wondering how it has gone for you and your son and if you were able to make any break throughs?

Regards!

[jajealch]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have had to experience this with your son. I know how upsetting, stressful and worrying this is.

6 months down the line, I no longer feel like he will no longer make another attempt, but I am still struggling with trying to understand what is going on in his head.
One good thing that came out of this for me was that the lines of communication really opened up for us. It has taken about 6 months, but I can now refer back to his suicide attempt (without labouring the point) and he has an understands that I need to check in on him and his feelings. I still think there is a lot that he doesn't tell me, and I have to judge his state of mind before I ask him anything too deep.
My son is still struggling with growing up and taking responsibility and this is a daily battle with him, but I have to pick to my moments with him.
Although I feel like I'm still walking on eggshells some of the time, it has eased off a lot.
It's taken my a long time to realise that I can still be the parent and set boundaries (albeit more relaxed ones) without worrying that he will make another attempt. For a while, I succumbed to everything he wanted as I was frightened if I didn't agree with him, he would try again. He has been quite receptive to boundaries.
I'm not sure if this is any help and I'm always here if you need anything else.
I wish you all the love in the world and please know that you are not on your own. Xxx

[rubymeadow1]

Thanks so much for your prompt reply!  I think your son is a bit younger than mine.  Mine is about to turn 18 so he will be a legal adult.  I won't have much pull with him and I want to encourage him to get on his own and be responsible, while at the same time letting him know that I am not abandoning him. It's hard as a single mom.

Regards! XX 

[jajealch]

I understand that with his age, you feel you wont have much pull with him, but the bottom line is that you are his Mum and always will be. You are one of the few people in his life who loves him unconditionally and although it may not feel like it at the moment, he knows that.
Regardless of his age, his state of mind seems to be that he still needs you (he's unlikely to admit that anytime soon)
It's so hard, especially if your a single mum, but take each day as is comes. You will have good ones and bad ones, more likely more bad than good, but don't give up. (I'm sure you won't)
Please make sure that you have someone you can offload to, it's so important that you take care of yourself as much as possible, so that you can find the strength you need to support him. I won't lie, it will be a rough road and certainly won't be resolved overnight.
Even though I am sure my son wont try it again, I am still on eggshells when we have a bad day.
The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to make sure you have people who can support you which will help you support your son.
I hope that things move forward in a positive way for you and am always here if you need anything.
Sending you love and understanding. Xx

[sunflowermom]

Dear @rubymeadow1 

I'm sorry it has taken so long to teach out to you this week.  I know first hand how scary it is when our child tries to take their life.  Is he home with you now?  What are you doing to take care of yourself during this tumultuous?   time???  I think it is especially hard for boys to reach out with their feeling- but even my daughter would be at a loss for words.  Its not that they don't want to tell us.  Its that they don't know how.  They don't know what they feel.  Sometimes they have trouble feeling anything at all.

My son also grew up with IBS all through school.  He is almost 30 now.  But issues stopped when school did.  Now I know it was his anxiety manifesting on hos body.  It was a difficult time for him too.  But it finally passed.

Hugs to you.....

[Kt537]

I am in a similar situation with my son and he is refusing meds, and won’t talk to anyone, he is struggling with finding friendships.  Can you tell me what you thought helped bring about change in your son.  I read something about a mentor earlier, did you try that?