02-14-2019 08:03 AM
02-14-2019 10:49 PM - edited 02-14-2019 10:50 PM
It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time with your son at the moment. It must be hard to see your son go through (what seems to be) a rollercoaster of emotions with this girl, especially at the vulnerable age of 14.
It’s difficult to know what the next “right” step to take might be. If you’re in Australia it might be helpful to call a parenting helpline for advice. This website may help you find the right one for you.
Aside from Suicide Watch, has your son got any other supports?
Sending you our love during this difficult time
02-15-2019 07:50 AM
I have been thinking about you all day. I’m not sure I can offer much. I did comment about a cheating gf yesterday.
“Heartbreak is tough and Dr Ian Lillico, boys expert, says it will hit boys harder than girls. Girls tend to have a bigger support network for this sort of thing. Your son just needs your love, attention and a good listener. Maybe some gentle questions but no statements.
A couple of links that might help,
Boys wear their hearts on their sleeves.
It sounds like you’re trying to support your son while respecting his wishes. Your poor son. Something I find that helps in these situations where we parents “know better” is to talk to my kids about my heart parent and my adult parent. I explain how I understand what they want (heart) and want to respect that but as the adult in this relationship I am going to do/decide something else (they probably won’t like). That’s why I am the adult. I explain how teen brains are going through so many changes and tend to make “emotional” decisions and that’s why I, as the adult, have to step in. You might need your partner’s support to get through that though. You can still talk to your son about what is happening, what he can do and what you expect.
Now, not knowing how you parent, the tough love side of me would cut off/restrict his internet privileges and maybe change his social media accounts. Talk to his teachers about keeping him separated from her and insist on no unannounced visits from any friends for while. They can be invited, call, text, parent arranged but this way you can deny access to her under a blanket rule not just because it’s her. You may need to apply this to the whole family. You could insist on an open door policy in the house. (Mine try to use air con as a way out of this but I just suggest they move to the lounge room if that’s their problem). You can turn on Do Not Disturb on his phone and customise it so only certain people, like family, can get through.
I am not sure any of that is helpful but I did find a couple of sites you might like.
Another consideration is, does the girl know how unacceptable her behaviour is? You might not be able to address this but your son or his friends can. That’s another chat altogether but maybe the school counsellor can help.
Sorry for the rave but my heart goes out to you. Sending heaps of positive thoughts your way. Big hugs.
02-15-2019 03:07 PM
02-15-2019 04:57 PM
Hey there @Mumof5boys - what a difficult and painful situation. Must be so hard to know what to do .
What was the advice of headspace?
It sounds like you've tried lots of different strategies, and you have to take different approaches now.
We're here to listen, and thinking of you today . Let us know how the phone disconnection goes - I hope the fallout is manageable.
02-15-2019 08:35 PM
02-18-2019 09:07 PM
02-18-2019 09:14 PM
02-22-2019 11:17 AM
How are you going this week after taking the phone away- we would be really interested to hear how these first few days went and how you are holding up?
There are some really great insights here from @Nikkita and @JAKGR8. On thing that resonated with me in reading through all the posts here is the anger teens are feeling and struggling to manage these big emotions. I am wondering if you would find these articles helpful too: ReachOut Parents have a resource here about unpacking anger and things to try.
When teens are unhappy with the outcome of a situation, I can imagine that is a really challenging position to be in and wear the brunt of the anger. You are doing a good job @Mumof5boys - trust your gut because you know your kids better than anyone and have their best interests at heart. Even though they push back now, you are making decisions that will help them in the long term