Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

[sunflowermom]

Thank you @taokat for your encouraging thoughts and support.  I hope you and your daughter are having a good week.  You are such a supportive and loving mum.  

Thank you @Jess1-RO for sending the links- I wish I could use some of them but I am in the States.  The support and help I get on these message boards honestly gets me through the day at times. Last night we had family group- just my daughter and myself attended since my husband had to take care of our other daughter.  My daughter was very angry with me because earlier in the day I discussed the negatives of dressing in too revealing clothing.  She didn't agree with my thoughts but accepted as my opinion. so I thought but,   by the time we went to group she unleashed every bit of fury she had in her on me.  Saying the most hurtful things I had ever heard, for about a half hour. Then came home to the rest of our family and acted like nothing ever happened.  She said many, many terrible things to me to get a reaction, I just got teary.  we did not speak when I drove us home  I didn't tell my husband any of this- just went to bed.  Now I am off to work before everyone wakes up- feeling broken.  SO difficult not to be hurt and angry with her.  I know it is her illness talking.  But I'm left  completely shattered.

[Erin-RO]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like this @sunflowermom. I think sometimes we can lash out or unleash on the people we love the most because we believe they'll always be for us no matter what. So maybe the fury was more about everything that's going on for her and as you say her illness, rather than you per se? If that makes sense? Either way it would still be really upsetting to hear all of that so make sure you're gentle with yourself today and take some time out for you

[Tulip]

Hi @sunflowermom sorry to hear about the way your daughter is lashing out to you. You are only trying to protect her by telling her her clothing was inappropriate. It's very hurtful when our children speak to us like that. Your daughter loves you very much and it's not intentional. I know what you are feeling as this happens to me. Can you pull her aside when she calms down and tell her how she is hurting you? Sending you big hugs ❤️

[Hannahloulou016]

Hey, I just wanted to say that this situation could be any one of us.  Im sorry and saddened to hear what you are going through.  I guess you are just trying to comprehend whats going on in your life and how can you make things better.  Give yourself time .  I hope things get so much better for you and always here to hear your thoughts. x

[taokat]

You're so kind, thank you @sunflowermom. We are having a good week so far, although my daughter said she woke feeling suicidal again this morning but realises it's just her mood and that will change, thank goodness. She's back at tennis tonight and has done some driving today and spent time with me, so is not letting it stop her which I'm thankful for.

I'm so sorry to hear about your meeting with your daughter. It is very difficult not to feel hurt and angry when our kids go off at us, but you did well to remain calm and listen and let her get everything off her chest. I agree that your daughter loves you and it's likely to be her stuff that she's unleashed on you. I hope you've been kind to yourself and got through the day okay. Have you been able to have a chat with your daughter about things today? 

[sunflowermom]

Thank you for everyone's kind words and support!  This is an amazing community and having this group to share with has been a god send for me.

Yesterday my daughter attempted suicide again.  My 11 year old called me at work and said come home the police are here.  This is after the night before with the huge blow up at group therapy.  I am grateful my daughter called the suicide hotline after her attempt  and help arrived.  Now she is in hospital on a 3 day hold....maybe longer.  I am grateful her physical health is stable after her attempt.  

We talked in the hospital a bit.  She said she was so sorry for being so mean to me the night before and she doesn't know why she gets like that- she said she knows she said mean stuff but cant really remember everything.  I talked with her therapist and he says she is showing really strong signs of Behavior Personality Disorder. 

Today I am in a different place than the last attempts...does that make sense?  I am sad, grateful, discouraged and hopeful.  I would give anything to ease her mental illness and make her strong again. So, for our 4th of July today we are off to see my daughter in the hospital.

[Sister]

Hi @taokat,

I am so sorry I haven't been online to offer you and others support of late.

I haven't had a chance to read back on the forums so shall just begin from right here.

How are you and how is your daughter?

[Sister]

Hi @sunflowermom

Was sorry to read your last post about your daughters hospitilisation. Irrespective of her diagnosis, please use this time as being good to yourself. Its vital for your own mental health.

Sis

[sunflowermom]

Thank you @Sister

I have been using this time for self care- even though I feel a little guilty enjoying myself while she is in a hospital. I doubt anyone ( even my daughter) could blame me for having some quiet peaceful time.

[gina-Ro]

@sunflowermom glad to hear you're making time for self-care. I can understand the guilty feeling, but you're absolutely right that you deserve and need quiet time to focus on your own needs so that you can be the best version of yourself for your own sake and your daughter.
Stay strong