how do I get my daughter away from an abusive relationship

[timmins]

My 16 year old is in love with a girl who completely controls my daughter. She is a master at lies and manipulation.My daughter has almost left home, and will not say where she stays. She has few friends left, the gf is a jealous type and  I believe people are scared.Her relationship with us parents has broken down. For example my husband and I were uninvited to the school pupil, parent, teachers career night, and she went with her girlfriend to choose my daughters SACE subjects, year 11. I felt humiliated. We are told to **bleep** when waking her up for school or reminded about appointments, told dinners ready etc. I feel she looks like, acts like and even sounds like her girlfriend. We have been harmed threatened with harm.  I feel she only comes home for money and her metro card top up. Its hard to rebuild relationships when shes home, strait into her room, on her phone, changes, asks for money because she has not eaten for days, then off within an hour because people are waiting for her.

Due to poor attendance, refusing to school rules and the negative influence of her gf on other pupils we  were asked to withdraw our daughter from her school,.They are now together 24/7. 

I have counceling from reachout, psycologists, forums, friends but basically apart from looking after myself, my advice I got  is to rebuild our relationship and basically offer food shelter school and love.My daughter has to start to help herself.  She will be back and i will pick up the pieces. I am also uninvited from my daughters medical/psych/councilling appointments. She is now refusing most of them, as soon as there is a whiff of parents being told anything, or family sessions she refuses to go to that therapist again.

I had no opposition to their same sex relationship at the start. Being my daughters first love, I told them i was happy for them. We provided a home for the gf as she told us  about her own abusive home. That was all lies to get somewhere to stay. She apparently is serial. I have no doubt my daughter is now doing the same for somewhere to stay. She said she sometimes sleeps rough

The gf has broken up with my daughter 30 times this year. There is depression, tragic self harming,dramatic posts on media and then the gf takes her back.I wish she would leave  for good.

I am upset especially  as I was told today the girlfriend harms my daughter. The gf does this to mine. My beautiful girl has had her life sucked out of her. And is being scarred. Im online telling my story in the hope of learning something new to help my husband and I get her away from that toxic monster.

[Bre-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @timmins  

Thank you for coming to ReachOut forums to talk about what's been going on with your daughter. From what you've shared I can sense that you do what is best for your daughter. I'm sorry to hear of how things have taken a concerning turn in your daughters relationship. First of all I wanted to ask if you are aware of your daughters safety at this point in time? 

I'm also wondering if you've made contact with any domestic violence support services? Something I'd suggest is getting in touch with 1800 RESPECT. Here is a link to their website which provides their number - this is a good place to get some guidance on the best approach to take with your daughter and to gain information on what's available to her when she is willing to accept some help. 

Finally, I just want to make sure you're safe and okay? There are lots of parents here that are going through similar challenges with their teens. I hope you can get some community support from them as this is tough to go through with minimal support. I also just need to let you know that we've needed to edit your post as our community guidelines state there be no detailing of methods or weapons of harm. If you have any questions feel free to let me know. 

[Bre-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @timmins  

Thank you for coming to ReachOut forums to talk about what's been going on with your daughter. From what you've shared I can sense that you do what is best for your daughter. I'm sorry to hear of how things have taken a concerning turn in your daughters relationship. First of all I wanted to ask if you are aware of your daughters safety at this point in time? 

I'm also wondering if you've made contact with any domestic violence support services? Something I'd suggest is getting in touch with 1800 RESPECT. Here is a link to their website which provides their number - this is a good place to get some guidance on the best approach to take with your daughter and to gain information on what's available to her when she is willing to accept some help. 

Finally, I just want to make sure you're safe and okay? There are lots of parents here that are going through similar challenges with their teens. I hope you can get some community support from them as this is tough to go through with minimal support. I also just need to let you know that we've needed to edit your post as our community guidelines state there be no detailing of methods or weapons of harm. If you have any questions feel free to let me know. 

[timmins]

I have just heard from Uniting Communities. My daughter contacted them. She has emergency accommodation for tonight and they will find her something more permanent when a bed comes up. We will then have family councelling about family reunification. Ive asked them to check her physical and mental well being asap. She is in contact with me and wants to cook together tomorrow night. I feel a lot more positive than I did this morning as she has stepped towards some help.

[TOM-RO]

@timmins I'm really glad to hear she is safe and that the Uniting Community has been keeping you in the loop. You must be very relieved. Its such a positive sign that she is coming home to cook with you after having such a strained relationship for so long. It sounds like it could be an opportunity for both of you to start to rebuild your relationship. Do let us know how it goes. 

[Bre-RO]

Hey there @timmins - really good to hear she's in contact with Uniting and planning to cook with you. I'm sure now that there's an organisation involved you'll feel better supported to care for your daughter's needs at the moment. Please let us know how you go and remember we are here for you too 

[PapaBill]

hi @timmins 

.

Did the cooking went well?  

I really hope the assistance of  Uniting Communities is helping.

Strange how all teens seem to be unwilling to take advice or guidance from their parents but they can hear the something from a third party and accept it.