How can i get my 16 year old daughter to see my point of view and forgive a mistake i made ?

[ElleBelle · Accepted solution]

Welcome @Concerned! I'd love to help connect you with some resources and perhaps connect you with some other parents in the community who may be able to offer advice. Do you feel comfortable sharing some details about the situation?

[Concerned · Accepted solution]

My husband whom I separated from recently because of his history of flirting with any female he meets regardless of my feelings and calling me mad when confronted decided to flirt with our 16 year old daughter's best friend while staying at a beach cabin during school holiday. Having endured years of his selfish behavior and continuous fighting in front of our daughter seeing her girlfriend responding to his advances was the last straw. I approached her nicely and asked why a young beautiful girl like her will respond to an ageing man like her bestfriend dad. She denied and went crying to my daughter who became angry with me and never forgave me ever since. I left my husband after this episode and left the state but my daughter stayed home with him. I tried reaching out and explaining why I did what I did and I also apologized to her and her friends family to no avail. My husband is taking advantage of this situation and spoinling her rotten. She doesn't answer my calls nor my messages or emails. It's breaking my heart and don't know what to do. I asked my ex to be to get her counselling to talk about the issue but he refused saying I am the problem and she will be fine. My husband and I haven't been happy for a long long time he was never an honest man and became worse after physical problems. I worry about my little girl so much and miss her terribly and feel guilty and helpless.

[Mona-RO]

Hi @Concerned welcome to RO! Thanks for taking the first step to share with us. Can you please tell us a bit more detail about what you and your daugther are going through? That way we can better understand your situation and provide the right kind of support. Thanks

[ElleBelle · Accepted solution]

Welcome @Concerned! I'd love to help connect you with some resources and perhaps connect you with some other parents in the community who may be able to offer advice. Do you feel comfortable sharing some details about the situation?

[Concerned · Accepted solution]

My husband whom I separated from recently because of his history of flirting with any female he meets regardless of my feelings and calling me mad when confronted decided to flirt with our 16 year old daughter's best friend while staying at a beach cabin during school holiday. Having endured years of his selfish behavior and continuous fighting in front of our daughter seeing her girlfriend responding to his advances was the last straw. I approached her nicely and asked why a young beautiful girl like her will respond to an ageing man like her bestfriend dad. She denied and went crying to my daughter who became angry with me and never forgave me ever since. I left my husband after this episode and left the state but my daughter stayed home with him. I tried reaching out and explaining why I did what I did and I also apologized to her and her friends family to no avail. My husband is taking advantage of this situation and spoinling her rotten. She doesn't answer my calls nor my messages or emails. It's breaking my heart and don't know what to do. I asked my ex to be to get her counselling to talk about the issue but he refused saying I am the problem and she will be fine. My husband and I haven't been happy for a long long time he was never an honest man and became worse after physical problems. I worry about my little girl so much and miss her terribly and feel guilty and helpless.

[Luula]

This sounds like a tough situation @Concerned, but please don't be so hard on yourself. Deciding to end an unhappy relationship will be much healthier for you, your daughter and even your husband in the long term. Your daughter may not realise it right now, but by making this decision you are defining what is and isn't acceptable behaviour in a loving relationship, and that is important.

@AmyJay, @Hellatired and @readthemanual all have 16 year old daughters and might be able to offer some further suggestions.

[seaglecc]

Hi @Concerned, welcome; I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. It must be very difficult for you. It is really important you are trying to recieve help in reconnecting with your daughter. It shows how much you care. You are in a very difficult situation, and it takes strength to ask for help. You must be feeling very sad and isolated right now. Do you have family or friends you can use for support? You said you asked your ex to take your daughter to counselling? Have you a counsellor?

Just as you are, your ex is doing what he can to maintain his relationship with your daughter in the only way he knows how. She is only 16 and more than likely very confused. I too have a 16 Year old Daughter. Parenting is the hardest job in the world.

There are support programs in place which may possibly be able to help you. www.1800respect.org.au is a safe place to start. They will be able to steer you in the right direction for the next step

[Mitzi]

Hello @Concerned

I'm glad you're willing to let us try to support and help you.

Just for a minite let's remove all the husband stuff and concentrate on the relationship between you and your daughter. I want to understand what the "mistake" was you are seeking forgiveness for and why you apologised to your daughter and her friend's family.

Was it for leaving? Was it for being mistaken about flirting behaviour?

We all make mistakes; admitting that is half the battle. It sounds like you were very unhappy in your home life and so made the decision to leave. I want to suggest you see a counseller. I'm not sure how long since you moved interstate but do you have friends or family you can talk to? Even so, sometimes its better to see someone outside the immediate circles. I believe it can be a huge relief to get all our worries out and heard by someone who can give us realistic strategies to deal with our problems.

Would this be something you might consider?

[Hellatired]

Hi @Luula and @Concerned,

I don't have any great gold nuggets of advice for you @Concerned. And certainly no quick fixes. But can I first say that it takes a lot of strength to end a relationship when there is a child involved. So Kudos to you. I've been in a few abusive relationships (including with my daughters father) that I myself found hard to leave. The relationship with my daughters father was ended by him (very unceremoniously, he too was a closet cheater) as I was too scared to end it. So I really do admire your strength.
With your daughter, I think perhaps if you give her time and space, she might come to see your point of view and forgive you on her own. If she is anything like my miss 16 though, you might be waiting a while...

Just keep reminding her every day that you love her and you're there for her.

[Luula]

Hi @Concerned, I just wanted to see how things have been since you last posted. Have you been able to speak with your daughter?

[Concerned]

Thank you all ladies for your concerned replies  and kindness as well as very appreciated advices

My daughter still angry at me and not much contact has been exchanged

I do have a friend i can talk to about my problems and she has been a great help

Just worried the more time apart will only harden her heart and make it difficult to make up and start all over again. She keeps telling her older sister that she needs time and space

Waiting and hoping that she will understand my feelings and realise that she means the world to me