Son has no incentive to go to school

[hippychick]

Okay this is more of a vent than anything else. I have a 16 year old son who really isnt keen on school. He has no motivation, does well in maths and Yr 10 science but is really not phased by any other subjects. Hes always asking for days off..I let him have Tuesdays off and we go on a hike and discuss life...so its nice. Anyway, I dont really know what to say to encourage him to go to school I feel like there isnt anything really positive going on with all this study. The unemployment rate for youths is high so for me to say, if you keep goijg to school youll be able to get a job and start living! Well thats not how it really works and they all know 8t. They know the chances of them getting a good paying job are pretty slim. The schooloffers teens no incentives for coming to school...can anyoje offer me dome things to say that are encouraging. More than anything, he needs a good reason to go, my just saying Well buddy, you have to go...is not good enough and I believe that too. What works in your house?

[Ngaio-RO]

Oh @hippychick I feel you !! I would love to have some suggestions for you but I can only relate and hope someone else has some great ideas. 

I have the same issues with my nearly 14-year-old.  She gets a monthly 'mental health day' and basically counts off the days until the next one comes around.  If she feels any physical discomfort, bam! day off! She pretty much goes to school to see her friends and because she's still young enough to be too scared not to. She says she wants to be a surgeon, which is awesome, but she really struggles to apply that to how she feels today and use it to motivate herself.

I really struggle to find the right words to change her feelings about school. I want her to love it, to love learning and to get excited at the prospect of where this might take her but, I'm also very aware that I didn't feel that way about school. For me, it was something you tolerated and survived. I couldn't wait to finish and I really struggled to go.

Genetics?

[hippychick]

Thanks for your words Ngaio, yes its hard to deal with. My son wants to be a pilot but the steps to becoming a pilot are too big for him at the moment...oh well..I guess I just have to encourage him to focus on the big picture...and yes I hated being at school too...mainly cos I was so shy

[motherbear]

Hi @hippychick Sorry to hear your son is feeling so negative towards school . It must be like dragging yourself to a job you hate every day and boy we've all been there ! 

Sone questions ? 

How long has he felt 'this way ? He is 16 , on the home run as they say so  what has triggered this ?

Has he always hated it ?  Finding the exact reasons he doesn't like the school environment may help with some fresh ideas of how to help him . 

I hated school because it was such an encroachment on my daily hours ! Why couldn't we have Wednesdays off to rejuvenate 😜 I hated the routine and the subjects I had stupidly chosen and all those bells and assemblies 🙄Zzzz. Yet I loved Uni  because it was flexible and autonomous. 

Have thought about alternative pathways for him ? Go to the link on  the Education department  website flexible learning pathways and see if some options suit him .  I know of the Ayce program in Victoria where the child goes to school once a week and then is self paced . There are also VCAL courses and TAFE ? 

Sorry I would give you direct links but I am using an iPad not my computer . 

[Red21]

In our house ... home schooling was the solution! 

[hippychick]

From what hes said to me, it sounds like its the monotony that is getting to him. He learns a concept quite quickly but then having to continue to spend time on that concept (maths formulas over and over) makes him frustrated..the teacher has seated him next to a boy that has a severe learning disability and so my son has to spend a lot of time helping him..which is fine for us but not for him. So yeah, he hates that the lessons are a waste of time, spending time waiting for people to get their act together, learning things he feels are irrelevant to life..critiquing books, history. Hes quite a wise soul I feel. I would love for him to stick it out til Yr 12 but I am not sure how we will go. Every day gets harder and I dont want him to get to the point where school is impacting his mental health..here in Qld we have school based apprenticeships. My husband and I are waiting until next term when the school has an information night with the Yr 10s and they talk about their options for Yr 11 and 12. Maybe we will get a clearer picture of what he can do..

[hippychick]

Red21..I did try homeschooling him back in Yr 8...he is not particularly self motivated and often it ended up with us not getting along..me trying to get him to do his work etc.

[Red21]

@ hippy chick

I hear you on many levels
In a world of changing educational options using technology as a medium to soar to new Levels of self learning paced activities with or without prompting from support workers/teachers can open up a students passion again to be cultivating what drives them to find their pathway back to self ... Hoping that purpose of being will unveil . I believes purpose pays holistic worth and can sustain a lifestyle which will suit 21 st century .   Remembering that our student teens are not purely (!) academic machines yet soulful learners of whT their mission is.  Ye sit does tend to take a flip side at times , my son had entered 5 ATAR and a business cert course now he is in a held space at home - no more needed to say.  Our children are adorable of course as they are par too us, maybe just here also to assist a change within them of challenge (having pros and cons).  Challenge to teach us how to communicate to whT is a priority to our relationship(s) and also to teach us how to be also.   they will find their path , it may not be mainstream ... many entrepreneurs often have a different path, and online education or tafe or unis now have adjusted to 21st century employ,net needs and mor eimportantly teens needs or mature student needs.   

[Ngaio-RO]

@hippychick any chance you could reach out to the teacher and see if your son can be moved? I seem to be only able to create children that are endlessly 'chatty' and are always moved away from friends to either being alone or next to kids they won't talk to. So I know that there's not always a lot you can do in this area but it kind of sounds like your son might benefit from being able to engage in additional studies once he's done the assigned work. 

What about school programs that might be suited? My eldest went to a school that had this great program for gifted and talented children. The thing I loved about it was it was for kids that were gifted and talented but were massively underachieving. My daughter got in, not because she was getting all As, but because she was getting Cs and they knew she was capable of way more. They connected them with mentors and worked to get them more engaged. It was great. I know not all schools offer this stuff so if yours doesn't what about a mentor program outside of school? Do you think your son would enjoy that?

[Lily17]

I have learnt from life we often have about 5 career changes generally every 10 yrs as we get bored and burnt out.

My SN 14 girl is very intelligent but unable to process clearly, she has 2 goals for her career choice. She can do apprenticeships for both but I need to consistently remind "myself" that it doesn't matter if she doesn't complete gr 12. She can do it whenever she wants because that is how it works these days.

Educationally her life will continue to be difficult but she with encouragement (she has a fav teacher) I feel will achieve a lot more then her sister 14 who is mostly an A grade student and very lazy! She asks for extra work as she is bored but only in subjects that she likes..

Sometimes, somewhere in their heads something will excite them - finding it though is near impossible.