Teenager: Would you be okay with giving your teen a lift home early in the morning?

[Atlanta]

I'm just wondering, would any parents be ok with your teenager calling 2,3,4or 5 in the morning to pick them up from wherever they decided to go? Just wanted to get input from other parents!?

[Nero4554]

Hi @Atlanta,

My husband and I were fine with this as we preferred that they were safe getting home. Though if it was all the time and they seem unappreciative then it might be time for a discussion to come up with a better plan

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Atlanta,

I think this is a really great question and I would love to hear thoughts from our parents community. 

I am going to tag a few more parents who might be interested in sharing their thoughts @PapaBill @sunflowermom @JAKGR8 @Nikkita @Dad4good 

Some great thoughts already here from @Nero4554- it sounds like the prioritising of getting home safely has been really important for your family. I would be interested to hear how you started this conversation with your kids and how you were able to set up the safety and trust that they can call you to get home safely when they need to? Do you speak about getting home before they leave the house to go out?

[PapaBill]

hi @Atlanta 

Absolutely I would get out of bed and pick them up...I tell them all the time I am willing to get up and get them.    Note: I am talking about 17+ teens here!

Luckily neither of my late teens (well one is just over being a teen now) were big party people so I have only had to do a few pickups.  I might be a little less enthusiastic if they were asking for pickups every weekend.

I had the ? privilege ? of chaperoning a 16 yr old birthday party for one of our more expensive private schools.   I wont go into details but I was quite shocked at the behavior and one thing that stuck in my mind was the dozens of kids rolling out of the party at 11:30 with none to pick them up.   It was quite disturbing to see they kids roaming into the streets with no where to go and little to no understanding of the risks they were facing in that situation. 

In practices, we had rules and expectations

• they would let me know in advance
• they would be at a specific point which we agreed in advance so I could be sure I felt it was safe
• they would be contactable on the phone through out the night

As I said this was for late teens.. if you are talking 13-15 yr old.. different story!

[Jess1-RO]

That is a really good point @PapaBill around age and setting some clear rules and expectations- it may the case that younger teens have some stronger boundaries than older teens. All depends on the teen too.

Do you find your teens are likely to forward plan and organise a lift with you beforehand or are the requests to pick them up more ad hoc?

[PapaBill]

Hi @Jess1-RO 

I found by asking them to specify a pickup time and place it made them plan their night a bit more.

That had them thinking when they were clear headed and in thinking (as apposed to making decisions when they were not in a good state to make decisions)

It also allowed me to have some comfort on what they were doing, where and with whom. 

I used to say I am not trying to control them or micro manage their social event. 

My position is it just showing courteousness  and consideration of my time / sleep to let me know where and when in advance.   Sometime that would let me provide some proactive advice... mmm do you think that is a good place to meet at that time of night? How about we meet at x at time y instead of what they were proposing.

After all I am doing them a favor, it is not to much to ask for a little consideration on their side

[Atlanta]

I'm a Step Mom of a 16 year old, my husband is the one who picks him up anytime he calls! I have a 9,10 and 23 year old and my thing is if something changes in plans or something unexpected happens, I'll be there to get you home safe! But it's all the time! Myself I don't believe that after midnight there's nothing for kids to be doing except getting into trouble! 

[Dad4good]

Hey @Atlanta,

Great question and some great responses.

I think for most kids the best option is to pick them up a handful of times and then have a discussion about the impact it has on you and the alternative options available (e.g., lets make a plan ahead of the night).

If your young person doesn't work with you on this (and is spontaneously calling you for a pick up on a regular basis) then leave them. It sounds harsh, but sometimes they need to experience this to realise the impact of their choices. At this point, it may be a good idea to also reach out to some support services (they can be really helpful as they deal with this kind of thing all of the time).

The best thing you can do is start having the conversation. Be sure to really listen to their responses (don't just talk at them) and demonstrate to them that you are working with them. This doesn't mean you 'do whatever they want' (its really important to set clear expectations of appropriate behaviour) but approach the conversation like they are in the drivers seat and you are there to provide advice.  

I guess, its a really personal thing. There are pro's and con's either way. Let us know how you and your partner go! 

[Jam2705]

No. Not unless they are trying to remove their self from a bad situation.