Is anyone else feeling unsupported with a teenager that has anxiety ?

[Caz01]

Hi I'm new here . I am finding it tough as I don't feel I have any support from family with my daughters anxiety issues. I have friends that I speak to but I feel like a winger. I am a single mum , her father sees her but doesn't want to admit she has a problem . This has been going on for 4 years . She is seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and doing year 12 online at tafe. We are nearly at the other end but I'm so tired and never know what mood she will be in , I know part of it is hormones and a lot of anxiety and defiance I just feel lonely and am unable to sustain any type of long term relationship with a man as I have to put her needs before mine just for a bit longer.

[Breez-RO]

Hey @Caz01 thanks so much for posting. I definitely think this forum will provide you with quite a bit of support around this issue, I will tag some other members below this post. It sounds to me like you feel no-one really understand the actual process of supporting a teen with anxiety? You have put in so much effort, and sounds like you have done all the right things for your Daughter. It must  be frustrating her Father does not acknowledge the issues. 

Am I right that you feel like it's time for you to receive some support and consideration? Do you seek counselling yourself or take time out for your own self-care such as yoga, meditation groups or something similar? I am also wondering if a therapist would be able to support you through managing your own boundaries and self-care while you do support your Daughter, slowly enabling her to self-regulate and become independent.

Keen to hear from you

@taokat @Schooner @Orbit64 @sunflowermom @gina-Ro

[Caz01]

Hi Breez thanks for your reply I have been doing yoga for 3 years but have moved so looking for another class close by.I also walk 3-4 times per week which helps a lot. I tried counselling a few weeks ago but she wasn't a good fit for me and made me feel worse I am going to look into another one recommended by a friend. Glad to know I have support here thankyou x

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Caz01

Its so hard feeling like you are doing this alone.  I have a husband but most of the time seems like i get no support or help making tough decisions. It feel so isolating at times.  Its great to hear that she is in therapy and online school.  She doing the right things to try and manage.  I understand your feeling of never knowing the mood you will get from her.  I feel that way too.  I feel like I am surviving one day at a time.  Not really thriving.  Your daughter is very lucky to have a mum like you to stick by her and love her unconditionally.  I hope you find that yoga class near you. Walks also sound like a great way to help defend against extra stress and reconnect.  Its sounds like you are doing a great job in this difficult chapter.  

[Breez-RO]

Hey there @Caz01 yes that is the trouble with new practitioner's isn't it, can sometimes take a while to get the right fit. That's great your friend recommended someone. Wow you're a yoga guru! I definitely think something mind/body/soul based could be really beneficial.

That classic line "fasten your own oxygen mask first" is legitimate - we really need to practice the art of self care in order to help our adolescent's. I definitely think the right therapist could give you some ongoing strategies in maintaining loving boundaries as well; so that your Daughter can become a bit more independent allowing you to invest in new friendships/romantic partners etc.

How are you feeling now after sharing your story?

[Caz01]

Hi @sunflowermom thanks for your kind words and support . . Sometimes people just don't get it even if they are close they think if your kid looks ok on the outside they're fine. I even had a doctor say she's fine look she's smiling. Wow we use that as a joke now! Yes it does feel like we are just going day by day at times. I'm so glad I found this forum and hopefully we can help each other , cheers 😊

[Caz01]

Hi @Breez-RO I'm feeling better that I shared my story though I find it hard to ask for help as I usually help others.
I'm hearing a lot about boundaries lately and definitely need to work on them it's really hard to set them when your child is anxious and depressed as you think it can make things worse.
Thanks everyone for your support

[Breez-RO]

It's definitely a journey, it must feel so contradictory to the protective nature you have for your daughter.

Sane Australia have lots of resource in this area, this article on carer burnout is quite good & has links to other articles on boundaries at the bottom. They also have a help centre staffed by counsellors you can ring if you would like some strategies for helping your Daughter. I believe they are open until approx 10pm most nights (AEST). @Caz01

[Caz01]

Thanks@Breez-RO
Will definitely read it and try to look after myself

[Zoesplace]

Hi @Caz01 so glad that you and your daughter have had a few good days, and you were able to sit down and talk.  One of the things that my daughters case worker recommended is wait until everyone was calm before attempting to talk about things. Even after a stressful situation, it can take sometimes 24 hours for the mind and body to completing calm down. Its really hard to pause before responding, but it works.

Some wonderful positive words from @sunflowermom. I didn't recognise my daughter when she was really sick. She looked the same, but nothing about her behavior, thoughts or actions reflected the sweet girl that I raised. It is now 1.5 years since my daughter got really sick, and while things are sometimes still a struggle... my sweet caring girl is back and we are closer than ever. Hang in there... things wont always be like they are now.