Connect with other parents: School refusal

[Janine-RO]

Hello to our wonderful parents and carers!

We've noticed in recent months that we've been hearing more from parents with young people who've been refusing to go to school - for some, this is something that's been happening for awhile, for others it's something that became much worse after COVID. Some kids really struggle with the transition to high school, and sometimes as parents we may have no idea what is lying behind their kids' refusal to go to school. 

What we do know is that it can be stressful , upsetting, and confusing for parents in knowing how to handle this kind of situation. It can also be really lonely- especially if you're not wanting to tell other people in your 'real' life too much about what's happening. 

So we thought it could be useful to  try something a bit new, and have this space here -

This is your space to talk about school refusal, how it's affected your family, and what things you've tried ! It's  for parents to talk about what's worked for them, what they're going through, and what's been helpful for you and your family- and also to vent if  you need to, and get support from other people who've been there too. 

If you're someone who prefers to read articles, we have content on school refusal too:

How to help a teen who doesn't want to go to school 

Learn how to tackle the school system confidently

I'm just going to tag some parents here who've posted recently about this with their own kids who might be interested in this space- sometimes it can help a lot just to have a safe space to chat. And just a quick reminder that this forum is anonymous, which means we ask that parents don't reveal any identifying info about their kids/ schools/ location. 

[Janine-RO]

Just tagging some parents/carers in this post who've posted recently about school refusal- if you'd like to connect and chat here, this is a safe space to do that. It can also be so helpful for other familes to hear about what's worked, what hasn't, and how you're coping. Hope you and your families are all travelling ok

@Worriedsister96 @qwerty11 @Gebadia @Birdwings @Rissa @roland @mia123 @ykaerF @gdot21 

@Blue_fire @Putu1957 @BeStrong @fallingapart @Lenny80 

[Lenny80]

Hi all,

Thanks for reaching out. My son is currently doing school online (vce over 3 years). He has no contact with other students or kids his age and is very isolated, though he doesn’t see this as an issue

[Seahorse47]

Hi, my 15yo son seems to be slowly going downhill since lockdown - started with not fully doing remote learning, then feeling so anxious and depressed that not going to some or all classes at school, refusing to go to school and ysd removed himself from school and we almost had to call cops, missing person report. How to stop this cycle, downward spiral to completely dropping out? School are supporting with plans, he has counsellor. He just doesn’t seem to want to engage or get better. Everyone’s bending over backwards, it’s too comfy.

[Seahorse47]

Hi, sounds like a challenge but also a solution. how old is your son?

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Seahorse47, it sounds like you are in a pretty difficult situation with your son and aren’t sure how to approach the issue moving forward. It can be frustrating when we are faced with the balance between acknowledging and supporting our children versus encouraging and challenging them to tackle issues within their lives. Currently it sounds like your son is well supported with plans from school, and with a counsellor.

What steps have you taken at home to try and address his current difficulties? Has he been able to open up as to why he has been having difficulties with school? What does he occupy his time with when he is not engaged with school?

[Lenny80]

Sounds all too familiar!
I agree with it getting too comfy.

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Lenny80, thanks for sharing your experience. It can be tough to get kids to engage if they aren't interested or do not see the point. Is there anything that has helped you so far in your journey? Are there any ways that you are able to be kind to yourself as a parent navigating this difficult situation?

[Seahorse47]

Re. Steps we’ve taken at home - I try to talk to him about things (but he’s not always forthcoming), try to help him with homework (not always popular). Ysd my husband and I say down with him and said this has got to stop, is all going downhill and we have to turn it around or his life will be defined by this for a long time. Examples of family member who never pushed themselves re. Their mental health and now that’s all they are. Instigating plan where he has to earn his phone (main thing he does), by making an effort (go to school, to homework) or he loses it. And gets grounded if walks out of school. Is tricky to be almost ‘punishing’ him for being ill and doing things to cope but he needs to change HOW he copes. There doesn’t seem to be any other way. If don’t do anything this will keep getting worse to the point where he doesn’t go to school at all... (exams next year).

[Seahorse47]

Yes, would love to hear about others’ experiences and approaches that worked/didn’t...