You sure have lots on your plate!! Running flat out to keep up. What leaps off the page to me is that you are an excellent parent - no truly - coz you CARE. I think the first thing that you are doing right is journaling. It is such a relief at times to let it all out, even to a book.
I think that your teens know that they have a top parent too. In my family I had similar issues with my younger 2 - I have helped raise 5 - depression, anxiety self harm, alcohol abuse but no other drugs (that I know of anyway). The really good news is that mine grew out of it with appropriate help. Kids, especially those feeling disconnected or a bit out of life, will always push the boundaries and coz they live with you they know exactly how to push all of your buttons. Reading your litany of disaster makes me grateful that my problems were way less.
What I think would be good for you to try is show the teens unconditional love first and foremost. Expect to be sorely tested while they convince themselves that you're for real here. This does NOT mean stop being their parent and in charge of the household. Not for a moment allow them to think that. How I have tried it over the years is to tell them often that you love them to the max and tell them this when you have had rule breaches too. It is difficult and enormously frustrating when they simply don't get it that their behaviour like drugs etc has long term consequences. To answer your question, I truly believe that it is not a personal thing against you, I think it is an attempt to push back at an unfair world by pushing someone safe that they can trust and whose love they are certain of - you.
About your husband, yes I think he could help more but, and a big but, you must explain to him how you're feeling about running the household and that you need his help. It may be that he thinks you're doing a bloody good job and it's best to stay out of your way and allow you to do things. I'd suggest making a quiet time when you can talk, and make the subjects and time known in advance to him so he's not surprised or feeling ambushed. Then try very hard to stick to "I messages" wherever possible. That means say things like I need..., I don't understand..., I have a problem with..., you get the idea I hope. I messages tend to be non confronting and easier for the recipient to deal with. Avoid "you messages" which are almost invariably taken to be critical or very critical of the other person. The bad news is that is is hard to not get a little bit accusatory - avoid that if you can. When I have had such situations I have written on a piece of paper, to which I refer, the items to be discussed coz it is so easy to include lots of other things while you're at it. Avoid this!
Now this post is a bit late on this subject but I hope it's still relevant and that things for you are on the improve. Remember that in various degrees almost all of us here have been there and done that so you are among friends. Don't lose sight of the fact that I am not any sort of medical person so my advice is just my own thinking on what has worked for me.
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