Hi all   For some time now we have been concerned that our daughter seems to have more money than she should have.  We've been imagining all sorts of dreadful scenarios as you can imagine.  She is 17.  It started about 30 November, when the school holidays started.  We have found out today that she has been accessing our bank accounts and transferring money to her account.  We didn't pick up on it as she was using a different account each time.  I realise now she must have accessed our passwords etc.  I think she was using the banking app on my phone as that only has a 4 digit pin on it which is well known in the family (lesson learnt....we have been too trusting).  So...how to deal with this?  We have changed all the pin codes and passwords this morning.  My husband is furious but I don't want him having a knee-jerk reaction and making matters worse. I think she has been taking the money to buy alcohol and cigarettes for her friends as she is desperate to fit in, be cool, be needed, looked up to, feel important etc.  She has had a serious mental health issue for 2-3 years and is quite naïve and I think her friends are also using her, taking advantage of her and asking her to buy alcohol and cigarettes as she looks a lot older than 17.  We are unsure how much of this is her mental health issue, or whether it is just naughty teenage behaviour.  It is very dishonest....straight out stealing really and although we are glad there is no third party involved, it is still hurtful that she feels she can steal money from us.  I know this is not the first time a teenager has done this but we are a very loving and trusting family with no problems....so it has taken us by surprise.  Does anyone have any advice on possible consequences?  Discipline?  She has fragile mental health so we need to be firm but careful.  Thanks so much.  The amount of money adds up to about $1300 over the last 3 weeks. ... View more

Hi everyone...... I'm guessing this topic has come up many times so apologies for bringing it up again.  Quick background.  Our 16 year old (Year 11) son left school in May due to ongoing health issues (physical and also mental health issues).  We decided he needed a break from the stress of school.  It's been going really well and he's working on and off.  He's a pretty good kid.  Naturally though he has spare time on his hands, much more than his school mates who are still at school.  He's had the odd beer with his dad at home and we're okay with that.  Last night, my husband got up about 1:30am and walked past his room and he wasn't in his bed.  My husband went looking for him and found him out on the veranda sitting there smoking (just cigarettes).   This is the first time we have come across this.  We really do not want him smoking as he has a mental health issue (diagnosis of severe anxiety, social phobia, depression, mild psychosis....although he is pretty well at the moment).  The doctor has warned us that some people with these issues smoke and drink to self-medicate. We haven't spoken to him yet.  It was Father's Day and my husband didn't want to wreck the night so sent him to bed and said we would talk tomorrow.  I was worried my husband would go all 'fire and brimstone' on him with consequences and punishments etc, but I'm wondering if really we just need to 'talk', or counsel first.  Talk about 'why', (I know it will be that he wants to fit in and is also probably experimenting to see what the fuss is about), and then discuss the health risks, the associated financial cost, the addiction side of it and how hard it is to give up.  What do you think?  This probably seems like such a minor problem in the big scheme of things, but we just want to be careful with how we handle it. We don't want it to be the start of a slippery slope.  Does anyone have any thoughts?  Thanks so much for reading.  He will turn 17 in about 6 weeks. ... View more

Hi everyone   Our 16 year old son has been on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for 2 years.  He finished up school at the end of last semester and is going to take a 6 month break from his studies, as it became all too much.  Over the next 6 months, we would like him to decrease his medication and see how he goes.  Although his psychiatrist is very pro-medication and doesn't want him to come off it, his school counsellor and two different psychologists he has seen think it would be good to trial a break from the medication, just to see where his base-line is.  My husband also wants him to try coming off the medication....I'm not so sure.  I have concerns about a relapse. Two different psychiatrists have said that he should be in an in-patient in hospital when he comes off the medication, just to be safe.  However, I know other people who have come off their medication and haven't had to be in hospital.  The stress of school is now gone and we feel that was the major contributor to his depression and mild psychosis.  Anyway, we started to cut back the anti-depressant about a month ago and he has gone from 3 tablets a day to 2 tablets a day.  I'd like to sit steady there for awhile and see how things go. There have been no concerns yet at the reduced rate.  In terms of the anti-psychotic,  he was on 80mg per day, so 2 nights ago we started to halve the tablets so he is now on 40mg per day.  I'm happy to sit at that dose for about 2 months just to see how it suits him. BUT....being a teenager he has suddenly decided to stop the anti-psychotic altogether which I think is cause for concern and could be very dangerous. I am going to ring his psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss with her what she thinks.  My question is....has anyone had a teenager successfully come off anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics and what was your experience?  Did you do it very slowly over a long period of time?  Were there side effects?  Did your teenager have to be an in-patient at the hospital?  Has your teenager now had to go back onto their medication?  We know a teenager who stopped both lots of medication cold turkey and he seems to be okay, but I don't want to do it this way for our son. Does anyone have any thoughts? ... View more

I'm on a roll today....seeking help and support. Back to my 16 year old son who I have mentioned in 2 previous posts.  He's been off school for a week and a half with mental health issues and we are thinking of withdrawing him from formal schooling as it isn't working for him.  He's half way through Year 11.  Diagnosis is depression, social anxiety and mild psychosis.  At the moment, he is quite unwell and back seeing his psychiatrist and psychologist on a weekly basis.  He is on medication (anti depressants and anti psychotics).  At the moment, he seems to be lashing out at me....just verbally....although he did give me a good shove last week so that I lost my balance.  He unleashes all of his anger on me, his mum.  It's sad because we are so close and I am his biggest supporter....I can't count the nights I've sat up all night with talking to him etc. I've done everything possible to help him get better. We usually have a very close and loving relationship.  My husband says all the time that I have been too soft on him and I've raised him in this warm and fuzzy bubble and now he can't cope with real life.  Anyway, my husband is much tougher on him, very strict, and my son seems to have the utmost respect for him (although does whinge about him all the time to me....naturally I support my husband and don't side with my son).  My son is never disrespectful to his dad, always obeys him, and never shows any anger or rage towards him.  It is a different story with me...I seem to be his 'kicking post' at the moment.  I know that it is the depression, fear, unhappiness etc that is causing his behaviour so I try and look past the way he is behaving....but really is just isn't right.  Sometimes I wish my husband would support me and step in and say something like 'Speaking to your mother like that is unacceptable and won't be tolerated in this house'....but he doesn't do anything, he just stands and watches the abuse as he says that I have to learn to manage it myself and he can't always be with me sorting things out.  I agree with this...but sometimes it would be nice if he intervened on my behalf.  I think my son thinks....'well dad is just standing by and watching this and allowing it to happen, so it must be totally acceptable so I'll just keep going with it'.  Does anyone have any experience with a situation like this?  Thanks. ... View more

I posted a few days about possibly letting our 16 year old son finish up at school.  He has had mental health issues for a number of years and the formal school system is just not working for him (social anxiety, depression, mild psychosis).  He's half way through Year 11.  We are still making our final decision and want to talk to him more over the weekend.  He's been off school for a week and a half and there is a 90% possibility he will be leaving school.  My husband and I are worried that he will fall into just lying around the house on screens eg his phone, xbox, laptop, TV etc.  He does love his screens and due to social anxiety he likes to conduct his friendships via the xbox and social media.  We are also worried he might just lie in bed all day and become more depressed (we know some young people with mental health issues that have fallen into this).  So in an attempt to be proactive, we tried to put some firm boundaries in place.  My husband's idea was no screens until 3pm (when other children finish at school for the day).  I was willing to go along with this, although I felt it was a little strict.  The problem is my husband then goes to work for the day and I have to police the screens all day long.  This is causing HUGE conflict between myself and my son.  He isn't allowed his phone overnight, so that means that he hands his phone to me at 10pm and then isn't allowed it until 3pm the next day, after he has done some jobs, some exercise, taking his medication, walked the dog etc.  BUT...I don't think it's working.  I think he feels as though he is being punished and every morning that he wakes up it is like 'no screens till 3pm' as though its a punishment....so every day starts with conflict and him being in a bad mood.  This morning there was huge anger from him, terrible verbal abuse to me, he took the car and went for a drive and he is only on his L plates so what he did was illegal.  And I know deep down that if he was allowed his phone in the morning and maybe his xbox half way through the day things would be better.  He could listen to his music, he could be in contact with friends.  He's 16 and will be 17 in October, do you think we should be easing off on the control?  I think we would be better saying 'You can have your screens all day, we don't mind what you do with them as long as you get these 4 jobs done....anytime, on your terms....as long as they are done'.  Do you think that would be a better approach?  This morning was SO horrible and I was really quite fearful that he was going to do something silly and dangerous.  I've let him go on the xbox now at 1pm and he is a different kid...laughing, talking, interacting, civil, polite.  Does anyone have any experience or thoughts on this issue?  He is looking for a job and we are discussing part-time study through distance education but we haven't set anything in concrete yet.  Thanks so much for your thoughts. ... View more

Hi everyone....I'm new here and this is my first post.  I wish I had of joined earlier, our family has struggled for years now.  I'll try to be brief....we have a 16 year old son, an only child.  First saw a personality change in Year 6 when he grew to hate school as a result of persistent bullying.  There was self-harm, anger, sadness etc...all very sad at age 11.  Prior to that, he was the happiest most placid, kind and loving child.  We moved him at the end of Year 6 to another school.  Year 7 and 8 were okay at the new school, although he still saw the school counsellor regularly.  At the end of first term in Year 9, he was diagnosed with severe depression, social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder and mild psychosis.  He was able to complete half of Year 9 and half of Year 10 with a lot of help from us (mum and dad) and enormous support from the school.  He has struggled everyday. He is on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. Going to school every day is like climbing Mt Everest for him. I took extended leave from my job two years ago to support him and my husband has adjusted his working hours till 9-3pm and has one day off a week to support me to support our son.  It takes both of us to get him to school.  He is quite sedated in the morning from his medication (and maybe depression and anxiety) and after his shower we usually find him lying cold and wet on the bathroom floor...often asleep again.  He struggles with his work because of the negative symptoms of the psychosis, the depression and the anxiety.  He struggles with concentration, focus, understanding, comprehension, organisation, apathy, motivation....he struggles with bright light, noise etc.  Suffers migraines.  Usually vomits at school once or twice a day as a result of his medication (and/or anxiety).  He wants to be at school but also hates it...does that make sense?  We feel he just can't get well with the pressure of Year 11 and in the school environment.  Last Wednesday, he walked home from school about 10:30am...just walked out of the school grounds, didn't tell anyone and didn't ask permission.  He just turned up at home and said 'I'm done'.  Since then we have had one episode of running away, one of self-harm, a lot of anger.  His behaviour was slipping a bit at school and he was getting detentions and had his phone confiscated for a week. My husband and I feel that we can't ask anymore of him.  We are worried about how much more pressure he can take.  He has weekly psychological support and he has his medication, but is still struggling.  The school has been amazing and they will be so sad if he leaves.  So will I...but then that is my issue, not my son's. Has anyone else had a similar situation??  Thanks so much for your thoughts. ... View more