Hi I am not really able to share our story on here as such, as this can be read by anyone. But looks like you have done so much for your son already. Well done. It is NOT easy. I assume he is on anti-depressants along with a stimulant? Only other advice that I found to be priceless: 1) love him love him love him with no strings attached. That does not mean be a punching bag, allowing him to destroy property, or that you stay in a room when he is verbally abusing you or other siblings. Nor does it mean having no boundaries. Just means do your best to speak calmly, don't say things you'll regret, tell him you love him and he'll get through it...even though he says he doesn't care or that he hates you. He STILL needs to hear he is loved. He hates himself enough and believes the lies...he has to have love given to him. And acceptance. 2) Find him a brilliant mentor. A young adult who is PASSIONATE about young people. And especially passionate, compassionate and COMMITTED to him. Someone who understands how his character is wired (good chance he is a feeler-thinker), and can speak understanding of that character back to him...positives and why he is struggling with the weaknesses....all the while they shoot hoops, hang out at Maccas, go for a run, watch a movie, go for a hike...whatever. THIS is the biggest point that saved our son. Finding these special people are like finding a needle in a haystack, I know. But search high and low through headspace/social work, mentoring in school programs, churches...wherever you can think of. Interview people. If you can help it, get the right one first off...the kids get sick of 'another person to help me'. 3) If that mentor doesn't do personality stuff, find someone who connects well with young people who does. It is terribly freeing for a young person to feel okay in their own skin and differences in personality how they tick process the world. IDENTITY!! Psychologists can be great, but sometimes so technical, send them away with excercises to do that for an ADHD boy is over their head impossible. BUT someone telling them that they feel deeply and that is great, that others might not understand them because they can't feel as broadly, that they have amazing compassion for others, that their thinker magnifies the problems, but can be great for solving problems...whatever. But just speaking into WHO THEY ARE in a positive sense, instead of telling them what to do, or how to behave, or how to fit into another box...which is incredibly frustating for them. Honestly, my son's mentor taught him all this while chilling doing fun stuff. AMAZING. And my mentor teaches me the same + my younger kids. I have only given a very brief overview. Google "findingspace Sophie Camac". Read through their stuff. Exactly what I mean. 4) Keep yourself healthy - have your own mentor, psychologist for stratagies self-care, excercise, eat well etc. ACCEPT the support of GOOD friends - they are invaluable. Your friends will sure be sifted ;) 5) If he is trashing the house, voilent & abusive, put him in the back porch or give him a tent to sleep in outside. Give him meals & LOTS of kindness. Allow him to access a shower/toilet if there's one near the backdoor that be cut off from the rest of the house with a new lock installed. TV can be faced toward a window, comfy bed, warmth, have family meals outside so he can be part of you all, play games out there...whatever. I know this is controversial. I've heard it all. But funnily enough our social worker, psychologist, police all said it was a good idea. We kept safe (including younger children), he wasn't 'kicked out of home' sent to a youth shelter where they make worse friends, all his needs were met. We were fortunate to have had a seperate building, so was still secure for him. In saying that, it didn't make much difference re his sleeping arrangements, as he chose to sleep in town over summer in carparks etc. sometimes which is worse than we provided. If your son has even ONE good, healthy friendship and their family is very balanced and loving and happy to have him stay there on and off, that is the best help. Our son NEVER misbehaved at his second home. They were truely a god-send. Still are :) 5) Pray & have real relationship with God. Not sure what can be said of faith in God on here. But without God's love, grace, guidance, peace & protection I'm sure things would have been way worse. And I always had Someone to sob with, tell Him I was angry, and rejoice the small wins with. I was never alone. Hope these things help or inspire you in some way. Keep going. But take care of YOU. I'll be praying for you :) ... View more

Hi @Bolesygirl Has your son been assessed for any disorders or mental health issues? Just wondering as underlying ASD (autism), and within that ADHD can be a huge trigger. Especially ADHD if they need medication, or anxiety. Bad behaviour comes from somewhere. They don't just decide to be bad. Quite often they haven't been diagnosed and treated for something, and they are frustrated and tired of trying to fit into neat little boxes they can never fit it. Hormones tend to pop the lid and exacerbate the problem, that maybe wasn't ever a problem ;) Neither is it likely your fault at all. Happy to stay in this conversation if you want. Been through alot, and have come out the other end so much better. I would also be interested how @Orbit64 went. Haven't heard how they all ended up :) ... View more

We found jobs = rewards didn't work either. Not sure why. But I guess nothing worked. Only wash/hang own clothes = you have clothes to wear, otherwise rewear dirty clothes. We have 80% more peace in our house now though, so nice to be able to reward instead of just taking away. Hope you guys can get to that sooner than later 😕 And having the ADHD diagnosis helps us "get" what's going on...esp that follow you around and non-stop chatter, impulsiveness, can't follow more than 1 instruction, frustrated behaviour. Each child is different hey :) Have you planned any short breaks where someone can have him for "respite", so you guys get to have some down time? And how is your daughter coping with it all & her studies? I know ours had a bit of a meltdown before we made that drastic change. Year 12 studies ate increfibly pressurised as it is. Now we have started family counselling...talk about opening the floodgates! But really worthwhile. Hang in there ☺ ... View more

I am glad you have moved forward. Sorry it isn't as much as hoped for. Hoping you can have some forward momentum and not stagnate. Are you finding the follow up with the adventure therapy any good? And is there a plan where your son sees that he's got somewhere rewarding to go? I get not wanting them to have anything...they are SO frustrating. I just know the teen brain works of rewards (bit hard when they are 150/100 on your scale LOL...love it). Funny but, rewarding my son is slowly returning everything he used to take for granted. Getting his camo clothes back today...woohoo 😂 You are doing good. Take care of yourselves somehow too. Glad you didn't shatter @Orbit64. Know the feeling. ... View more

Thanks @Jammy for your encourgement and advice. It's a shame our local (and I mean the whole state atm!) health services are lacking psychiatrists. Funding cut from our capital for training position, crises with one in the next largest city, and none here at all. So likelyhood of finding a child psychiatrist is slim to none. Will try to get him into a private one about and hour and half away, but waiting list is 6 months. It is quite funny( not) all the spending that is put into advertising to encourage people to get help for mental health...but no available services. 😕 ... View more

Glad you are doing better than pre-adventure therapy! That gives a little hope doesn't it. The coaching is good, but amazing not advertised. I happened to stumble upon reachout while googling. Have since recommended it to others in the same boat. Glad the coaching is working well for you @Orbit64 :) ... View more

Yes, I believe that to be true...about 19-21 yrs their brain settles down. Though I know of 2 adults just being diagnosed in their 50's! Will have to see what they recommend, just wanted to get something up my sleeve as far as not being unwise and mot having the right questions for side affects etc. Thanks :) ... View more

I guess that each CAMHS team, like in life everywhere, is different. One friend works with abusive clients all day and rarely gets emotional. She and her son were sobbing after their initial appointment, but had a great case manager after that. My son is not happy to see "another person" (though hoping he will see paed), and even if he did, would never go back if he felt horrible after the visit. Then there is the wait list. Wheras a private paediatrician is so much quicker. If only my teen was still a child and thought he had to go where I told him. He knows better now 😕 Thank you for your suggestions though. Sorry for hogging your forum @Orbit64 😮 ... View more

Our son has just formally been diagnosed with ADHD (& possible personality disorder to look into if ADHD treatment fails). When I asked why he didn't have symptoms as a child (besides being very physical and behind on processing skills/attention at school), they said that with hormones quite often things "bloom"....which I did then remember I had read about personality disorders also. He will need continued therapy & medication (if he will agree!), and will look into having his tonsils removed (& possibly adenoids) (google tonsils and adenoids removed ADHD gov for well researched government paper), as they have always been enlarged & problematic. This explains why the significantly reduced stimulating environment here at home has helped him tremedously. He is a combination ADHD, but primarily in testing Impulsive (then hyperactive & attention last). And explains a lot of his behaviour. We will go private Paediatrician as wait list (& consistency) is terrible with public. I can't get him to CAMHS as well (I'll be lucky if he will go to the paed), and there are no psychiatrists available within months (unless acute ER visit)...shortage here. Psycologist recommended he get seen asap. Wish 1st psycologist had done assesments a year ago..what a waste of time. Any suggestions pros & cons for medication types suiting impulstivity adhd? I've heard good and bads for all of them. Will do a lot of my own research, but want to be prepared as much as possible before the appointment. Thanks :) ... View more

Sounds like you have thought through a lot of scenarios. So exhausting for you both. But I applaud you for everything you have done for him...it shows a deep love, even choosing tough boundaries does (despite what they think). Hoping you have all patience, strength and humour :) ... View more

Really am feeling for you @Orbit64. I understand the anxiety.  It's like once upon a time it would take months to feel anxiety, but now it takes just one thing then you're back fighting for breath.  I'm glad you can see the improvements and are positive about that.  And I imagine your son felt somewhat awkward having come from a place he knew he was there to "get help" from, then back home.  They find it hard to be venerable...instead react in ODD behaviour or anger.  One thing I was encouraged to do today is make a list of behaviours and their consequences...instead of having to have a knee jerk reaction or running off the top of my head.  Then you, as parents, and your son, can clearly know where his behaviour will lead him.  Also on the flip side, clear reward system for good behaviour...but this needs to be each day, as they can't look past the day they are in.  I don't want to go into what we are doing again ;)  but I am clear with my son where the boundary lies, which is easier considering his "physical position".  And the couple of times he has flared back up, he has had those "physical" boundaries put back in place, allowing us to feel safer and less anxiety.  He knows that he will receive only 2 warnings then the police will be called, for example, for breaking property or being abusive.  Also that he will be expected to pay for any breakages he incurs.  I think your clear guidelines, Quote: "So keeping low expectations was right. We are keeping in the front of our thinking. Firm, fair, friendly. Have high expectations for him. Have very firm boundaries." are well thought out and wise.  You do also need to protect your mental/emotional health and your property also. Are you both able, for example, to schedule a day off a fortnight or so to spend together to relax & recharge?  I am glad your son has apologised after each incident, and that you have a moment to be able to praise him for that...I know too well how little opportunities there are to do that.  Did he go to school today?  Hope so :)  Mine has, as he has been threatened expulsion if he misses one more day.  We'll see if that works...hopefully.  I hope you get enough support and the right advice as you continue.  Thinking of your family.  btw, I have had every professional say our choice of boundary was a good course of action, and no detriment to his mental/emotional/physical wellbeing...especially since he has greatly improved.  Have you room for a tent in your back yard with your balmy WA weather ;) ... View more

Will be praying for you all. Hope you can release as much tension as possible beforehand and love on your son. All the best. ... View more

I re-read what you wrote that disappeared...can't see where you broke the rules?  Anyway, hope your last few days of quiet is not stressful. Hoping you get the support you need.  Have you tried CAMHS?  The local team where I live, I heard that the initial interview they rip you to shreds...child and parents.  But after that, you possibly get a good support person.  Unfortunately, my son wouldn't tolerate that, so not sure if that's a possibility.  What do you plan on setting up for your son @Orbit64 psychologist/mental health wise, when he gets home?  We have no local psychiatrist, so would have to travel for a private one...and be on their wait list for 4-6 months.  The paeds here change each visit, and offer conflicting information...and I don't want to put my son on the wrong medication...it can be an up and down experience as it is I have heard.  But not wanting to wait up to 6 months before medicating. What are the services like there?  Has the school psychologist mentioned any referrals/psychiatrist?  If you have any amazing thought on this, I would appreciate it.  The system is not set up to help kids...all the professionals, police, child safety services say the same.  Really sad.  Guess I am about to spend some decent time researching medication pros & cons for personality disorders so can be packing for appointments.  Have you considered medication for your son @Orbit64?  Done any research?  Anyone else on here have their child on medication for any personality disorders?  Pros & cons? ... View more

"Like" your last comment @Orbit64 from last night that is no longer on here. ... View more

Thanks @Orbit64 for your support. I find it difficult to know whether I should go into minute detail to explain everything, or just be happy knowing what we are doing is the first thing that has worked for 18 months and let it go.  ... View more

Yes editing from a laptop is no problem.  Editing from my mobile (preferred) is tricky.  Works, but then comes up with nspb or amp's everywhere throughout the text!  Is there a way to solve this on a mobile?  Thanks @Ngaio-RO ... View more

Sorry @Ngaio-RO, was actually going to get on here to edit some of that as I read the rules last night and had realised had breached them! ... View more

Is this CAMS or someone else? I'll have chat with them and see what they offer/think. Thanks @Chalke5...really appreciate the input :) ... View more

Oh good. He's NOT the evil one. I'm still sticking with the hulk though. @Jammy, I believe it is South Australian "True North Expeditions". We are hanging out to see how he went also. Does that make them the guinea pig? 😉 ... View more

"the evil one"? I prefer The Incredible Hulk. 😂 Hope your wrist heals in...7 days 😕 ... View more

That's really beautiful. ... View more

Cities can be amazing places, but unfortunately not so good for a lot of kids...too many easy temptations with easy access. I hope he wants to :) Our son alternates on who is the good parent and who is the bad...seems cyclic with a monthly rotation. But my hubby is 8/10 the one he wants most to have quality one-on-one time with...walks in the country @ 9pm, drives up to the lighthouse, camping, motorbike riding, even long drives to collect stuff in the ute....and of course xbox, movies etc. All this totally lines up with what professionals say about boys at this age NEEDING to be verified by their dad as a man. That they want them to want to hang out with them. To have the natural conversations while they are having recreational companionship. That their dad cares about them, loves them. And I wonder if this is why Adventure/bush therapy works while they are there (getting their emotional needs met, but getting to be men chopping wood & whaterever), but can occassionally fail when they return because they don't have it in their environment? Don't know. Oops, sorry. Soapboxed again. 6am syndrome. Or maybe woman disease. ... View more

@Orbit64 mentioned skin & multivitamins. I mentioned vitamin deficiency & bad gut health resulted my other son needing treatment (90%) improvement.  ... View more

Yeah...@Orbit64, Maybe the friends place sounds better 😉 Seriously though, my son has done so much better since being out of our house and glamping. Had himself a nice bonfire tonight, and is waving at me through the window, offered to help with carrying groceries from the car, SMILING, yes, smiling....no it wasn't smoke in his eyes. Did want that shower. And a real loo. But was not cranky. We have a few acres, so easier for us. Buy a bush block??? 😆 But he really would like you to rough it with him. Now I'll shut up about it and leave you in pieces, I mean peace. ... View more

Hi @Jammy. We have no psychiatrist locally...but will be seeking a referal to one and hour away, either through paed or psycologist. I get you...where are the booklets handed out to EVERY parent when their child hits 10 explaining a little of what is okay behaviour, what's not. And what steps to take if concerned, where to get help...like Reachout, for example, or mainstream. Muddle our way through with blindfolds on playing pin the tail on the donkey (sometimes I WISH I could pin the tail on the donkey!!!). Did you know anxiety is now one the greatest mental health problems? I feel for you with your daughter 😕 ... View more

Ahhh. She must miss the male too :/ ... View more

That's very sad...especially in an already grieving environment :( I saw on your other posts how protective he was... or do you have another? ... View more