Help with staying sane

[Veronica]

Hello,

I am having a problem with everyone in my family. I have a 16yr old daughter that screams everytime if I say something she doesn't want to hear. Then I have an highly sensitive 13yr old daughter who is having friendship dramas. My husband can't be bothered with any of this and is always playing some game on his phone. All three of them don't respect me one bit. I work part-time and do everything from shopping, cleaning the house, walking the dog and cooking. They don't ask me how I am and don't seem to care. No appreciation whatsoever. I sometimes wonder if they would notice if I got a heart attack. I hope someone here can offer some support. I have spoken to a professional and it's not helping.

[TOM-RO]

Hey @Veronica 

Thanks for sharing  It sounds like you're feeling really unappreciated at the moment, which must be so difficult when you put so much effort into running the household. It must be a real struggle to not have your husband's support and to feel like you're parenting all by yourself.  Have you voiced your concerns with him? 

Good on you for seeking professional support - it often can be really hard to take that step. How many times have you seen the professional? Is there a reason why you don't find it helpful? Sometimes it does take a while to find a professional that is the right fit for you. If in the near future you feel like you're needing support, I'd encourage you to call Parentline if you're in Australia, as they offer free and counselling for parenting issues. The number for Parentline differs per state, so scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested. 

It sounds like you're looking for peer support so I thought I would tag some regular, helpful users here for you: @JAKGR8 @sidneysdad @sunflowermom @MumofTwo2020 @Keddie @Seeker @Faob_1 @compassion @PapaBill @melinee @ELLEJAY1982 @Maruko @JohnT 

[sidneysdad]

Hi Veronica

I have been spending a bit of time on Reach Out recently, because I am at home recovering from a hip replacement . A very good friend suggested I get on board so I could do some mental health recovery as well as hip recovery. The strange thing is I really don't feel nearly so bad about so many issues in my life by just reading and replying to people like yourself. 

For what it's worth you have to make some big changes around your home . 

I was the male doormat in my family , working full time , doing the shopping cooking gardening and most of the child care in the deluded belief that it would make my partner love me . But it backfired ,I became taken for granted and eventually replaced by a nice younger man who was soo interesting and had soo much to talk about. This is not a sob story, just a warning. You need to squirrel away some cash , take a break from your job and your screaming kids and inconsiderate husband and go on a short holiday by yourself and enjoy some recharge the batteries ME time. This isn't about looking for love or anything more than giving yourself some love. Let the family muddle through with out you. The next time they drive you to distraction you should calmly announce , before I go insane I am going on a holiday by myself to recharge and rethink the way this family functions . Not wishing to sound rude but it isnt functioning properly at present because not everyone's needs are being met. 

If I had taken more care of myself and not turned into the servant I was perhaps my marriage would have survived .Just because I am a man doesn't mean I cant relate to your story . 

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Veronica , 

I've just been catching up on this thread, my heart really goes out to you. Feeling unappreciated by your family along with everything else that you have on your plate sounds really exhausting, especially if you're not feeling supported by your husband. 

I'm wondering if you ever get any time to do things that are just for you? I have friends in similar situations who've joined book clubs, or community choirs, or taken up running - something that is just for them, and also gets them out of the house occasionally and lets their family fend for themselves! One piece of advice I was given early in my time as a parent was "put your own oxygen mask on first" - when we catch a plane, we're told to put our own masks on before we put them on our children if there's an emergency, because we can't help them if we haven't already been able to help ourselves. Yet as parents, it can be so easy to put our own needs last. 

@sidneysdad  's  post also gave me a lot to think about - I think that making time to recharge our own batteries is so important. @sidneysdad  I'm really sorry to hear about your marriage breakdown, that is really hard. It was really wonderful to read that you've found being on the forums helpful - you are always really generous with your time and sharing your experiences, and we really appreciate it. It's great to hear that reading and replying has helped you in your own life  

[sidneysdad]

Thanks Janine , I tried to reply to an e-mail I received from you but its from a no reply address . Is there a link or a section to reply to e-mails sorry to put this here but it was all I could think of

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @sidneysdad,

When someone tags you in a post here, or replies to a topic you have contributed to, you will get an automatic email from the forums. You are correct, we don't have a reply function on that email, so the best place to respond is in the forums here like you have done today 

If you do want to get in contact with the forums team at ReachOut, you are also welcome to email forums@reachout.com. This is an inbox the team checks and can respond to.

Hope this helps! 

[Tryinghard]

Great reply sidneisdad.